Shonda is the damn truth, y’all!  I saw the warnings bout viewer discretion so I knew that whatever happened tonight was gon’ be SOMETHING.  The episode started out pretty harmless, if not sorta sad.  Liv had made her full transition into them people’s White House, and America was falling in love with her.  Her outfits for the week of official duties were ready in the same closet that Mellie hid that hooch.  Liv was busy pickin’ out China and involved in mindless chitchat bout cookies.  For somebody that had finally gotten her man and the country, Liv didn’t look happy.  That’s the first thane I noticed.

Mellie, now that her husband been took, was busy being the junior senator from VA.  She realized she had joined the old boys club when they told her to shut up and vote with them on a particular bill.  She had a hard time with that because even though Planned Parenthood was gon’ be funded, it was discretionary.   She decided to filibuster to stop the passing of the bill.  The only thane she was missing was a back brace like Wendy Davis wore here in Texas when she was a Congresswoman trying to stop a similar bill.  I give Shonda Rhimes MUCH kudos for even addressing something sooo controversial.  And so began Mellie’s record 16 hour filibuster.  I’m talmbout cain’t stop to eat (couldn’t e’en order a pizza), cain’t stop to pee (and I know she had to go BAD cuz she still on them people’s hooch), cain’t prop up on nothin’ not even the podium, just gotta stay talking and on the floor.

Luckily, Liv got involved and was able to send in the Veep, who you know don’t be doin’ nothin’ but running in behind David Rosen.  Since the Veep was the presiding officer, she had Mellie yield the floor to her which was a cover so Mellie could go tinkle.  Mellie ran into that lady who stole her husband, her closet, her clothes and her hooch – Liv.  She told Liv that she couldn’t filibuster any longer – her back was bout to give out.  Liv is told her she had too, and is good at getting foke to do whatever by callin’ ’em beetches, and just like that – Mellie was back on them people’s Senate floor talkin’.  #ISTANDWITHMELLIE  Superb acting.

In the meantime, Rowan, who had been captured by Huck, was s’posed to be eating lunch and getting in Huck’s head.  Instead her got HUCKED because Huck brought him an Underground Railroad burger (Imma let Huck make it) but no Freedom Fries.  How you gon’ do anythane pertainin’ to the Undergound Railroad with no Freedom?  Oh yeah, I’m deep.  And he got HUCKED again when Huck asked him which white boy he preferred inside his daughter.  And that’s when I lost my edges.  I’m talmbout snatched BALD.  Cuz fo’ that happened, Rowan had the upper hand even restrained with zip ties.  Huck flipped that thane quick!  Had Daddy Pope teary-eyed.  I just knew he was gon’ deal with Rowan, but he let him go cuz it was Christmas on Scandal.

Jake was still trying to find Rowan – found Tom instead and followed him to Russell.  He pulled a gun on Russell, Russell tried to reason with him, Shonda nem played some Christmas music, and Jake from Start Farm shot that man in the cheek.  Bay Bay I was HOT!  Russell too fine to get shot in the damn face! I guess it’s safe to say I won’t be lustin’ behind him no mo.  Cuz I had an ol’ nasty lusty spirit.

Meanwhile…Liv had an appointment.  At the damn abortion clinic!  YES, they took it there,and I lost both eyebrows.  Fitz ain’t know what happened but got mad that Liv missed a meeting on china.  Place settings and NOT the country.  He lit into Liv…she lit into him…they cut each other up with their words.  Liv was actin’ kinda ungrateful.  Shoulda been happy she ain’t have to pay no mo’ rent and ‘lectric bill.  Liv moved out and back home….to her popcorn and wine…and since Fitz told Liv she worse than Mellie…I’m assuming he gon’ do the obligatory double back.

Rosen is still getting it in..caught up in a love triangle with Lizzy Bear and the Veep.  That thane don’t care where he drops his drawls!

Lawd…Liv was pregnant by that man, and she aborted the baby without even a discussion.  Imma spend all winter wonderin’ what Fitz gon’ say when he find out Liv done aborted America’s Other Baby.  Knowin’ she shoulda had that lil mixed baby so they could all live in Vermont.

Oh and Kerry Washington retweeted me tonight.  I figga’d something good had happened cuz my phone notifications were going CRAZY.  That was pretty awesome.  Stellar acting, directing and writing tonight on Scandal.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

 

 

 

 

I know a lot of foke don’t like Kenya Moore since her appearance on Celebrity Apprentice and what happened with Vivica’s phone. Now y’all know I loves me some Vivica A. Fox, Lawd knows I do, but I am also Team Twirl all day.  And cain’t nobody douse foke with shade like Miss Buckhead, y’all.

She done hopped all ova Sheree as soon as Sheree stepped in the doe, and after she got that girl’s blood pressure all the way up, she talmbout she sorry she called her a bee.  But sorry not sorry that she told her that Chateau Sheree is an eyesore that’s been in the building stage for 5 years.  Which, as a Black person who has always attended a Black church, I ain’t got no problem with.  Big Mama nem STAYED donating to the church building fund back in the 60s, 70s, 80s, AND 90s, and I was just home and the church still got that lil two room buildin’ I went to revival in.  Sometimes, it just takes longer for “us” to get our properties right.  Oh, and I hollered again when Kenya was getting herself together using her phone and said that Phaedra need to worry bout herself and getting her locks changed since Apollo ain’t neva coming home.  Bloop.

Todd was still feelin’ some kinda way bout Phaedra not payin’ him the rest of his money for producin’ that Donkey Booty video.  I just assumed since only the people that go to Phaedra’s mama’s church bought it, Todd had forgiven the rest of the coins she owed him.

Kandi met up with Phaedra so they could talk about the breakdown of their friendship.  Phaedra told Kandi she felt unsupported by her, and that she was hurt to learn that Apollo’s stuff was in Kandi nem’s garage.  Said the feds came to her house looking for assets.  I guess they shoulda gone to the strip club and confiscated a few of the strippers since that’s where Apollo spent them people’s hard-earned 401(k).  Kandi better than me cuz I woulda said “I’ll be right back…” and drove that motorbike right in that front room so Phaedra could take it home with her.  There was crying (reminiscent of Celie and her sister on The Color Purple – thanks Don Juan) and mo’ crying, and then I think they made up e’en though she still owe Todd a right smart of money.

Don Juan showed up while they were talkin’, and turned right back around and left.  He did the right thing, cuz nothing good would have come of him walking in there on all of that.  He ended up coming in after Phaedra left.  Phaedra and Kandi had JUST made up.  And then Don Juan went in – asking where was Phaedra when Kandi lost her mother-in-law, was sick and pregnant, was going through with Mama Joyce and Carmon nem.  He was like she can’t expect foke to support her with that Apollo stuff cuz that’s what happens when you marry an ex-con, straight outta them people’s prison.  Ouch.  And even though there was a lil bit of messiness in what he was saying…he damn sho’ spoke the truth.  Apollo been criminal-minded since the early 90s.

Porsha had a party for her new boo.  She made him her trophy man which meant she had to present him with a plaque that said he was The Real MVP.  She was also wearing white pants (I’m assuming this was taped ‘fo Labor Day) and a jersey tee with his numba on it.  She did this in front of her family and Kandi and Phaedra.  That damn man looked sooo uncomfortable…like he just wanted to go home.  Then they started spillin’ tea on his arse, talmbout he into porn and transgender women.  Bay Bay…I hollered.  Porsha you done jumped outta the frying pan and into the fiyah with this one!  Thirsty much?

What else?  Oh, this was Tootie’s/Ragine’s (Kim Fields) first appearance on the show.  She and her family look normal, so I’m praying for their marriage, cuz we know these reality shows put people in divorce court.  Kenya even threw shade her way, talmbout her skates on EBAY now after Kim said they were in the Smithsonian.  Oh, and Cynthia need to leave Peter.  She said she is not attracted to that man when he nekkid.  Pretty much ain’t no coming back from that.  Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark cuz one day Imma get “on” for these blogs and you gon’ wanna say you knew me when…

Not really but y’all know I am always ready to use a well-placed Color Purple quote.  Especially if it’s in relation to ol’ Sophia, Miss Celie or Mistah.  But yes, Honey, I need some of them people’s smelling salts after that first scene of Scandal tonight. I’m talmbout I had to use the paddles on my own chest and yell “clear”! They had Liv sitting up in the same prison her daddy was in!  And Fitz was asking her if it was true.

Of course, we didn’t know how we arrived at Liv being in prison so we had to flash back.  Liv was damn sho’ actin’ as the President de facto again, brokerin’ deals, tellin’ Cy and Abby what to do, runnin’ the country, trying to get an arms agreement in place and whatnot.

Liv daddy came to see her (cuz y’all know he be pickin’ them lil Dolla Gen’ral locks Liv got), and Tom Larsen (yes that ol’ murderous B613 agent that creeps me out..I think it’s because his eyebrows are the same color as his skin.  I don’t trust foke like that.  Or foke that got slits where they eyes are s’posed to be) made it happen.

Soon, Liv was listening to her daddy..who went into a 5 minute diatribe without even stopping to catch his breath.  He told Liv he loved her and if he didn’t make it (all of the B-613 agents done turned on his arse) she had what she needed.  He also told her he was afraid and she should be too.  Daddy Pope ain’t neva scared, so for him to say that must have meant they got a hit out on him and there’s likely one on Liv too.  Lawd Jesus!

Liv STILL hadn’t told the President (the fake one cuz she the President)  that she was the one who got her daddy out them people’s jail.  Mellie tried to blackmail her into a meeting…threatenin’ to tell Fitz about Liv releasing Rowan.  I kept wondering when Liv was gon’ just gone and tell Fitz the truth.  But she never did, even when they were both in the bed nekkid dry grinding.  That woulda been the best time to come clean.

Liv sent for Jake and when Jake arrived, he pretty much told cussed Liv out.  All of her privileges been revoked, up to and including email, phone calls, inboxes, etc.  He told Liv she could no longer ride him, and I felt some kinda way.  Jake, you mad or nah?  When that thane asked Liv if she called him to “spoon”.  I hollered!

Cyrus asked David Rosen to discover who let Rowan out.  I’m surprised Rosen actually was in his office working because he be busy dry grindin’ with Lizzy Bear.  That VP ain’t got a chance in two hayles to get with Rosen now.  Po’ thane.

Rosen figga’d thangs out and sent the FBI with an arrest warrant for Liv.  Liv had blood on her hands, litrally, because she saved an informant’s life (related to the arms agreement).  She didn’t try to resist arrest, which was good because we don’t need no mo’ black lives matter situations.

And just like that, Liv got locked up…less than 48 hours after her daddy got out.  They traded one Pope for another.  I tell you who they didn’t trade.  Mama Pope.  That thane got out and got some basic cable and you ain’t heard hide nor tail of her.

Fitz found out that Liv had been captured and hauled down to them people’s penitentiary and rushed to find out if was true.  Liv said a bunch of stuff, but because Shondra Rhimes nem had the music turned up so loud, I couldn’t hear it.  I tried to read her lips but I ain’t good at it.  It ended with Fitz walkin’ out on her.  And at that moment..I realized that Liv had turned into a basic woman.  That “thane” she had been puttin’ on the President was now common.

Of course, I was wrong..and Fitz got her outta jail.  Nobody told Mellie who was still tryna blackmail and got the dial tone.  Fitz told Jake to kill Rowan, but lied and told Liv they were going to find him and put him back in prison.  The help was putting away Liv’s clothes and her white hat in the WH closet cuz Liv done officially moved in.  Tom Larsen got kilt and Huck had Rowan tied up.  Lawd Jesus!  Is it time for the winter finale already?  They bet not kill Rowan!  Until they do right by him, errythane they even thank about gon’ crumble!

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

Yeah, that’s pretty much how I felt all night.  Couldn’t get that awful song outta my head.  Freda sounded fine on the record…but Lucious?  It was reminiscent of him playin’ DJ in Hustle and Flow.  I wasn’t convinced he was a rapper then, and still ain’t now.

Empire didn’t give me much tonight, but still wanted to blog to keep this page active.  Cookie was still layin’ with that man…not knowin’ he was behind the snatchin’ of Hakeem and the shakedown of Lyon Dynasty.  She should figga somethin’ ain’t quite right bout that man – he just happened to pop up when she needed him AND he is acting hella thirsty.  Ain’t no way somebody that fine should be that available where they are able to go multiple rounds with you in YO’ bed.  I’d be like ‘ain’t you got somewhere to be?’  And then when he DID leave, she was walkin’ down the street and he popped up on her outta nowhere.  That’s stalker behavior.

Hakeem’s girl group made their debut.  One of the background girls tried to steal the spotlight from the girl Hakeem is lustin’ after, so Tawanna (yes Hakeem’s ex) had to give her some tips on walking, sashayin’, dancin’, standing up straight, chewing gum, etc.  She ended her lessons with a public sangin’ session of I Will Survive in Spanish.  Okay..whatever.

Lucious sent Andre back to the deputy mayor to fix something or nother.  Basically he was tryna send him back into that lady’s bed, knowin’ that Andre JUST got saved.  The devil is a lie, though, Hupp Glo-Ray *in my Aunt Esther voice”, cuz e’en though Andre surely did go over to that lady office and she mounted him and whatnot, he did not have sexual relations with that woman.  Instead he handled the situation like a boss and went back to his wife, who ain’t pulled her bib out all season.  But she is pregnant so she prolly ain’t feelin’ all that freaky sheeit she did last season.

Speaking of freaky sneaky, Lucious and KD Lang (Marisa Tomei) are teamed up not only in the boardroom but also in the bedroom.  They found a playthane at the club and took her home.  But KD Lang really ain’t want her..she wanted whoever she was on the phone with.  Bay Bay…her mascara was so runny while she was cryin’, she looked like a raccoon bout the eyes.  And that woman they found at them people’s club was still gon’ do her.  Chile please…I’da got up outta that nasty menage a’ trois situation and took a Uber home.

There were flashbacks of Lucious mama, played brilliantly again by Kelly Rowland, and then Lucious got a gun just like his mama had years ago, put one in the chamber and spun it around for that song.  And there that song was again. Boom Boom Boom Boom.  Bang Bang Bang Bang.  Tragic.

Lawd please let Vivica AND 50 cent both come on this show next week.  I need more drama.  Empire gotta gimme somethin’ for this blog.  I know it’s dry tonight, and I apologize.  It’s all ova the place just like Empire was with nothin’ really going together, including plot and storyline.  My friend B said it best – we want the Lyon family to be together even if they ain’t together.  That’s when they are at their best.  Here’s hoping they pull it together by next episode.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

I almost didn’t watch WWHL.  I had convinced myself I was gon’ watch a Lifetime movie.  But then I looked up and it was almost 8:15 and I ain’t have no idea what Josie Bissett (the actress from Melrose Place) nem was doing, so I changed the channel back to Andy nem.

Kandi Burruss Tucker (RHOA), lookin’ angelic and glowy in white, and Vivica Fox, looking like A. Fox. was stunning in blue.  I knew I was in for some good girlfriend kee keeing and whatnot.  I had no idea that Vivica came to drop some tea so sweet, I almost got diabetes.

It started off innocently enough…Andy asked about some comments 50 Cents (Vivica Fox’s ex) ALLEGEDLY made about Empire’s ratings falling off because of that “gay stuff”.  I had to put ALLEGEDLY in cuz y’all know 50 don’t play on them people’s Innanets.  Me and my baby would come up missin’ behind 50 Cents.  And we know he “Petty” Jackson so he would definitely clap back.

Vivica was like “that’s the pot calling the kettle back…” Bay Bay…my face mirrored Andy’s. Y’all know Andy LOVES a good shadefest, so he followed right on up with ‘whatever do you mean by that Vivica…are you sayin’ Fitty Cents is “fam’ly”‘  Vivica was like ‘I don’t know…but the people who protest the loudest about something…..”  She went on “I’m just saying…there was a VIBE magazine cover where he posed with Soulja Boy and it looked like a booty snatching sichiation…”  And y’all know Vivica is like that good hood girlfriend that done made it and came up but still ain’t lost her hood tendencies or roots, so she had all the facial expressions and mannerisms that went with errythane she was saying, which made it even funnier.

And you know what happened…I, along with the rest of the viewing public hit up the ‘people’s Encyclopedia’, i.e. GOOGLE, for that magazine cover.  It was XXL, and I think it was a 2010 issue.  It had 50 and Soulja on the front.  50 had on a mask so his face was covered, standin’ slightly behind Soulja, and 50’s arm was slung over him.  Soulja ain’t have no shirt on, his pants was hangin’ down low up under his drawls, and he was grippin’ his jewels.  Bay Bay, I HOLLERED.  And tweeted that photo right on to Andy and Kandi (they both asked to see it).

And so it began.  50, WWHL, and Vivica Fox were TRENDING worldwide.  It got so bad, 50’s publicist, who shoulda been sleep and off the clock, had to call in to Andy and say 50 neva said that.  She ain’t say what Vivica said was lies tho’.  Foke started drankin’ 24 hour energy dranks tryna to stay up to see 50 clap back.  I had to search for my Instagram password so I could monitor 50’s IG.  Soulja Boy clapped back, but it was weak and a failure pretty much.  You cain’t call Miss Vivica Fox’s ‘washed up’ when she is a LEGEND, and you done had one hit song that foke know and only because a dance went with it.  Keep yo’ mouth closed Soulja, grown foke is talkin’, and continue to hold your jewels and trick off every week on Love and Hip Hop Hollywood.

And so it began with the funny memes and my Twitter timeline bein’ LIT all night.  50 finally clapped back.  I cain’t say it was epic because it was messy as hayle.  You don’t bring up what somebody said about somebody else when you Innanet beefing BUT we know 50 doesn’t eva play fair when it comes to that.  He brings a damn sword and a rifle to every knife fight.  The pic he posted of Vivica was a mess though but errybody has an off day and less than stellar plastic surgery on a discount sometimes.

Here’s hopin’ nobody gets hurt, goes to jail, or ends up missing in the Vivica/50 WAR.  Oh, and here’s the pic, because I’m messy as hayle.  You be the judge.  Gay or nah?

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

That RHOA premiere came in like a lion!  Honey…that thane had it all – debauchery, deception, infidelity, envy, shenanigans, and most of all SHADE.  I knew that Kenya Mo’ was the Queen of the USA, College Park and Zamunda, but after last night, I crown thee QUEEN OF SHADE!  That thane started shadin’ foke as soon as them folks put that camera on her and mic’d her up.

Kenya done bought an ol’ dungeon that she plans to turn into a house.  Now, I could see a little bit of vision, but I’m with Cynthia – I ain’t gon’ visit that place at night.  That thane was damn near a haunted house it was so raggely – wires hangin’ every where, no windows, no doors – looking like a damn prison block.  I guess.  The streets IS saying it’s a good investment.  I heard it’s at the bottom of a steep drop-off so she betta have a back up plan and flood insurance if it rain.

Cynthia was back and this time, she was standing up for herself.  We’ve all seent the video of her husband in his Charlotte sports bar feelin’ up a woman and all up in her ear.  I ain’t sayin’ he was cheating, but he damn sure felt her neck up like Ray Charles used to feel them women’s wrists in that movie.  And his hand sure did graze that lady’s boobs…uncomfortably.  I don’t condone violence, but if Cynthia had socked Uncle Ben in his jaw or doused him with a pot of hot rice…I’da understood.

Mallory (Cynt’s sister) was all up in too, cuz you she don’t like that Peter, Honey.  Now folks see what Mal and her mama nem was talmbout when they hid that marriage license.  Cynthia confided in Mal that she is turned off when Peter take his clothes off.  Ouch.  Bay Bay, I screamed when she tried to clean it up by saying she is attracted to Peter’s mind.  Um, okay Cynthia.  That works when you dating somebody but don’t hardly when you married.

Cynthia done launched yet another company since they say 2 people workin’ at the Bailey agency.  I have to tell the truth…I do like her lil eyewear or whateva.  She looked absolutely stunning at her launch party.

And then, the doors of the church fell open and in walked SHEREE WHITFIELD!  Yasss!  Now y’all know I cut for and mess with some Sheree.  She was my FIRST famous FB friend, and the first to retweet me when I joined Twitter last year.  She can do NO wrong in my eyes!  She stepped up in that thane lookin’ like a bag of COINS!  Kenya (my other fave) had already shaded her bad behind the House of Sheree, talmbout the neighbors say it’s an eyesore and whatnot (Kenya’s House of Horrors is 500 feet from Sheree’s house) and it’s unfinished after all these years.  She immediately went in on Sheree in front of the girls.  I’m talmbout I don’t event think Sheree had said hello to errybody.

And so it began…Sheree clapped back and said ‘unless somebody has BUILT a house, they cain’t say sheeit to me but keep renting beetch’ – it was reminiscent of “who gon’ check me Boo?”  And then she told Kenya her house was a in ditch.  Bay Bay, she laid me LOW behind that you hear me?  It got so heated, Marlo (back and looking awesome) was speechless and Andy nem at Bravo threw a “to be continued” thane up on the screen.

Congrats Kandi on your baby…Phaedra you need to let that man see them kids….Mal you was dead wrong for tellin’ the group what Cynthia said bout Peter…Peter you was dead wrong for clapping back on Kenya and calling her outta her name…welcome back Portia (something seems off with yo’ Tenderoni)….Tootie we waiting on you…and NeNe WHO?

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

Yeah, I’m talking to Liv.  That thane done bounced back and forth between Jake from State Farm and Fitz for the better part of two seasons and still cain’t make her mind up.

Tonight, she lied to Fitz like she wasn’t behind letting her daddy out of them people’s jail.  I was a little disappointed that I ain’t get to see ol’ Rowan Pope tonight.  I was so ready for his 5 minute monologue on how he sat in them people’s jail til he nearbout rot to death.  You know I loves me a good Color Purple quote.

Liv nem finally got a client, and I was happy to see them back fixin’ and handlin’ thanes.  Cuz they done hired Marcus as a gladiator, and I don’t think he done got a paycheck yet.  So at least tonight, there were gonna be coins coming in. I don’t think Liv been making payroll, and I think they still owed Harrison some money when he came up missing.

Tonight’s case was all about an author/professor that gave women a voice. He was being honored with the Presidential Medal of Freedom.  Well come to find out that thane was freein’ his women students from they pannies.  One of his victims came to Liv for help.  Come to find out the professor was dropping Mollies AND Mickies in them people’s dranks, and giving ’em pills, and when they woke up, cold and nekkid, he was standin’ over ’em in a patchwork robe and black dress socks.  Eerily similar to somebody else we know…or thought we knew.

Liv then figga’d out that the professor’s wife was in on it.  She was the one supplying him with the drugs to give the women!  Liv and them women got the last laugh when they all showed up at his book reading. It was handled.

Lizzy Bear wanted back in at the White House, and had to threaten to spill secrets to Sally Langston.  Sally thought she was bout to get some tea, but Lizzy Bear flipped at the last minute because Fitz gave her a job back at the White House.  Them thanes LOVE that White House…you hear me?!  When they get fiyah’d, they don’t comb they heads, barely bathe, and hang around in they robes all day doing each others toes.  Them thanes be DEPRESSED, so I was glad she got her another job (the Veep’s Chief of Staff).

Speaking of the Veep, she was feelin’ her some David Rosen.  When you extra grown and you offering somebody a wine cooler…oh yeah, you gone.  David Rosen ended up getting it in with Lizzy Bear after they mutually hated each other.  She told him she wasn’t wearing any pannies, and I needed a cigarette and a fan.  I bet Ellen was givin’ Portia De Rossi all kindsa side eyes for mountin’ that man like that.  The Veep came to see Rosen in that moment, and I for one was glad she left the wine coolers and went on home.  Cuz if she had walked into his office, she would have gotten an EYEFUL.

Cyrus got peeved when he found out Lizzy Bear was back in the White House with a new gubment job.  He got Liv all the way together and told her SHE is actually the president.  Cuz Fitz nose is WIDE open.  Liv is leading him around like a lil faithful puppy.

Next week, Mellie is gon’ tell Mistah…I mean Fitz..that she and Liv sprung Daddy Pope outta the penitentiary.  And this will be the end of Liv and Fitz.  Fitz don’t like betrayal, Honey.  So no Liv..you cain’t win Chile…and you cain’t get outta the game.  You might as well call up Jake.  We know he ain’t neva busy. Oh and Liv need them locks worked on again.  ERRYBODY be in that thane apartment when she get home from work.  I thought she fixed the locks last season…

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

I wanna know what them kidnappers did to Hakeem, you know, other than punchin’ him in the eye real hard.  They had that thane lookin’ like Debo from Friday jumped him for his bike and chain.  Cookie finally realized he had been snatched up off the streets when she got a text message and later a video of him with his kidnappers.  She thought that ol’ shady arse Lucious had done it but realized that wasn’t the case.  They both were determined to get their son back though.

Jamal was busy sangin’ during most of the episode which is what he does now that he ain’t really at the helm of Empire no mo’.  I don’t know if he broke up with his boyfriend or not, but we ain’t see him this episode.

Cookie and Lucious made a deal to have Hakeem dropped off, but realized the man driving the van was a decoy.  That ain’t stop Lucious from two-piecing his arse and Cookie from putting her stiletto on his neck though.

Hakeem got released to the streets, and ended up at Boo Boo Kitty’s place.  Bay Bay…that thane done went DOWN.  Looked like she was staying in the projects somewhere.  E’en though Hakeem’s eye was closed up like Miss Sophia from The Color Purple, he still started dry grindin’ with Anika who was just happy to have someone to hold.  Oh, I forgot to tell y’all the episode started with Precious GETTING. IT. INNNN!  I’m talmbout she had her an ol’ fine man, and I’m still trying to figga out how she threw her big ass leg up on that man like that.  I’m talmbout nothing but thigh meat was on that man’s back.  I think he gasped but kept going in litrally and figratively.

Hakeem had lots of not so nice words for his parents when he finally made it to his dad’s house.  I just knew he was gon’ get that broom again.  Lucious threatened to beat him up but luckily since he was already beat up, decided against it.  The brothers finally showed each other some support and love, but Hakeem wasn’t showing ANY toward his daddy.

Even though Hakeem was back, something seemed off with him.  But he pulled it together at the last minute to perform with his new group.  Lucious has taken a real likin’ for Frank Gathers’ daughter. I guess he gon’ make good on his plan to give her a bone.  SMH.  She has GOT to find out that he ordered the killing of her dad.  Karma just gotta  come back around on that one.

And then the episode ended….just the way it began, ‘cepting Cookie was the one dry grinding.  With that new producer man that’s been hanging around.  I was happy to see her get her a lil bit until they showed that man’s back.  That thane had the same tattoo as them men who snatched up Hakeem.  In other words, he one of the bad guys.  I thought Cookie was a good judge of character but I guess she been blinded by the dee.  Hopefully she finds out that she is sleeping with the enemy very soon…

I’m sorry if I missed anything else.  I was on the longest conference call of my life even though I was pretty much watching Empire.

There will be no recap of How To Get Away With Murder cuz I pretty much be in the dark (litrally and figratively) on what is happening with that show.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

I guess I forgot to recap Scandal last week.  Y’all know I was still tiyad as all outdoors from JSU’s homecoming.  That thane was EPIC!

Scandal returns tomorrow, but I need to say SOMETHIN’ bout what happened last Thursday.  Chile…Mellie was ON ONE.  She dressed Fitz DOWN for what he did to her.  Cuz she damn sure took SEVERAL for the team – ‘memba how ol’ Fitz (Fitz daddy) got on top of her and did his bidness?  And then how she basically had to let Fitz “hoe” lay up in his house and couldn’t say nothing?  And then finally when she got her just a lil bit a love, they shot up the VP with somethin’ that gave his arse a stroke?  Yes, Hunty – Mellie been THROUGH somethin’ with Fitz arse!

I thought I’d be really happy when Fitz and Liv FINALLY got together, but I wasn’t and ain’t.  And then they were talmbout getting married in a quickie ceremony cuz Liv pregnant – kidding – she ain’t wanna testify and you know a spouse cain’t be forced to do so.  I ain’t want that to happen cuz I ain’t have sheeit to wear to they nuptials!  Mellie let Liv have a little bit too.

Somebody tried to kill Daddy Pope in prison, and you know Daddy Pope BEEN killin’ whole busloads of people so he turnt the tables quick.  After he kilt that prison guard, he knew he couldn’t go back to gen pop, so he faked arrythmias so he could stay in the infirmary.  I love me some Daddy Pope like them people at In Living Color used to love them some Miss Jankins BUT I couldn’t help but wonder how awesome it would have been if he had given himself an actual heartache playing games.

Of course, he called Liv collect from prison to ask for help.  Liv did him the same way he did her when she got kidnapped – she told that thane she was out fishin’ & she ain’t have no damn daddy.  I think she may have even said Bye Rowan-isha.  She did end up coming to see him, and he told her he could make all those congressional impeachment hearings against Fitz go away if she just got him outta them people jail.  I was like ‘no way they gon’ let a Black man outta prison when he done killed a whole busload of people AND a dog’.

Liv went to Mellie, and Mellie didn’t want nothin’ to do with it at first cuz she still feelin’ guilty over all them people dyin’ on that Greyhound.  And then she realized, she needed Liv to do something for her – make her POTUS.  Yasss Mellie – get yo’ position, yo coins, and a right smart of my edges with all of that!  She tweeted me so you know I’m indebted to her for at least this week’s blog.

Jake from State Farm realized his wife was hired to take out Rowan and was behind the attempted shanking.  He told her he wanted in because he remembered when Rowan had him stabbed several times in the upper torso.  He went to meet her and thought she was sitting on that bench…but she was actually already dead cuz Rowan had done got out.  You know he was back to his killing ways soon as he ditched that orange jumpsuit.  Scandal is just more fun with him!

Now Liv gotta deal with her daddy being out, Fitz AND Mellie.  She shoulda just stayed with Jake from State Farm or moved to Vermont.  Or stayed with that ol’ fine arse senator.  I swear Liv done had mo’ fine men in 5 seasons than my black arse done had in a lifetime…..

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

Bay Bay, the Monday after a HBCU Homecoming is BRUTAL.  I’m talmbout the struggle is REE-UHL (real).  I’m s’posed to be working cuz um ruh, it’s kinda sad to take vacation when you work from home.  Plus, I had to get up anyway to take the kid to school.  Today is “red ribbon week” (something to do with kids not using drugs….y’all know I’m new to all this stuff in public school LOL) so she was s’posed to wear pajamas and I had dressed in her in regular clothes.  And erry set of pjs I found were 5t and that thane is now 6.  So I had to pull her something together that looked like PJs.  I was a bit embarassed and told her to remind the teachers her mama is a breast cancer survivor – you know try to get sympathy cuz my baby dressed in stuff that don’t go together.

But back to Post-Homecoming.  I think we need Post-Homecoming Rules for how to get through the hangover period the best way possible.  To that end, here we go:

• Start now with saving money for homecoming (HC). Go to them people’s bank this week and open up a Homecoming Christmas Club account.  Put a few dollars in it erry month to pay yo HC expenses.  Cuz you know you gon’ want new outfits.  Foke be DRESSED at HBCU HCs.

• Pay yo’ bills BEFORE you go to HC because ain’t nothin’ cute bout comin’ back home to cut-off and final notices. Yo’ bill collectors been monitorin’ you on social media and done seent you on fleek and VIP all weekend, so they ain’t gon’ be sympathetic to no mo’ extensions.

• Buy you some groceries BEFORE you leave for homecoming. I came back from JSU’s homecoming last night to stale bread, two eggs, a pack of veggie hot dogs and a couple thanes of Greek yogurt.  My cupboards round here lookin’ like Craig from Friday’s cupboards – I ain’t got two thanes that go together.  Now I gotta explain to McKenzie why she cain’t have chicken and that thane LOVE chicken!  She asks GOD to bless us all and thanks HIM for chicken erry night when she pray.

• Take that Monday off if at all possible. Because you ain’t gon’ get no work done at them people’s job.  It’s just like the day BEFORE homecoming ‘ceptin’ worse.  You gon’ spend all day on them people’s innanets, looking at the halftime performance on Youtube, likin’ foke HC pictures, commenting on they statuses bout the struggle after HC being real.  Going to work?  Don’t do it.

• Let somebody in your family keep yo kids for an extra day.  Cuz the last thane you gon’ feel like doin’ is being somebody’s mama or daddy.  I don’t even think I combed McKenzie’s hair this mornin’.  I damn sho’ ain’t wash her face.

• Change into your PJs as soon as you get home from HC, cuz yo’ old arse bound to fall asleep as soon as you sit down. It’s not so much as being narcoleptic as it is that yo arse is just tired.  You probably got 8 hours of sleep IN TOTAL for the entire HC cuz you ain’t wanna miss NOTHIN’.

• Wear flats and comfortable shoes for the entire week after HC. You probably wore heels and hard bottoms all weekend long, and your feet got knuckles.  Give them dogs a break.

• If you had a HC weekend romance, cut that sheeit off now. You ain’t even got enough money to buy groceries this week…how you gon’ keep an ill-advised long distance romance going?  Plus, he probably got a woman, girlfriend, baby mama, mistress, side chick, wife at home and there you go flyin’ or taking the Megabus up there and end up beat up or missin’ behind his trifleness.  Same thane applies for the opposite gender – just insert dude, man, husband, hubby, side man where appropriate.

• Gas up your car before you leave for homecoming. Cuz even if you got to eat egg sammiches erryday, you got to get back and forth to work.  You can pretend to be fastin’ if foke ask you why you ain’t eating lunch, but you can’t drive yo’ car on air.

• Take the day off from the gym and drink a lot of water. Ain’t no sense in wasting gas. Plus, you were shutting down parties at HC cuz you was working out erryday befo’ and drankin’ yo meals and you looked damn good.  It’s okay to take a break this week…you got 364 days til the next HC to get back right.  And the water is to clean out your system for all that oil you drank this weekend.

Hopefully, these tips help somebody.  Just know I ain’t judgin’…I’m just tryna keep thanes REAL.  Just like this post-homecoming struggle I’m going through.  Happy HBCU Homecoming Hangover Day!

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark