Bay Bay, the Monday after a HBCU Homecoming is BRUTAL.  I’m talmbout the struggle is REE-UHL (real).  I’m s’posed to be working cuz um ruh, it’s kinda sad to take vacation when you work from home.  Plus, I had to get up anyway to take the kid to school.  Today is “red ribbon week” (something to do with kids not using drugs….y’all know I’m new to all this stuff in public school LOL) so she was s’posed to wear pajamas and I had dressed in her in regular clothes.  And erry set of pjs I found were 5t and that thane is now 6.  So I had to pull her something together that looked like PJs.  I was a bit embarassed and told her to remind the teachers her mama is a breast cancer survivor – you know try to get sympathy cuz my baby dressed in stuff that don’t go together.

But back to Post-Homecoming.  I think we need Post-Homecoming Rules for how to get through the hangover period the best way possible.  To that end, here we go:

• Start now with saving money for homecoming (HC). Go to them people’s bank this week and open up a Homecoming Christmas Club account.  Put a few dollars in it erry month to pay yo HC expenses.  Cuz you know you gon’ want new outfits.  Foke be DRESSED at HBCU HCs.

• Pay yo’ bills BEFORE you go to HC because ain’t nothin’ cute bout comin’ back home to cut-off and final notices. Yo’ bill collectors been monitorin’ you on social media and done seent you on fleek and VIP all weekend, so they ain’t gon’ be sympathetic to no mo’ extensions.

• Buy you some groceries BEFORE you leave for homecoming. I came back from JSU’s homecoming last night to stale bread, two eggs, a pack of veggie hot dogs and a couple thanes of Greek yogurt.  My cupboards round here lookin’ like Craig from Friday’s cupboards – I ain’t got two thanes that go together.  Now I gotta explain to McKenzie why she cain’t have chicken and that thane LOVE chicken!  She asks GOD to bless us all and thanks HIM for chicken erry night when she pray.

• Take that Monday off if at all possible. Because you ain’t gon’ get no work done at them people’s job.  It’s just like the day BEFORE homecoming ‘ceptin’ worse.  You gon’ spend all day on them people’s innanets, looking at the halftime performance on Youtube, likin’ foke HC pictures, commenting on they statuses bout the struggle after HC being real.  Going to work?  Don’t do it.

• Let somebody in your family keep yo kids for an extra day.  Cuz the last thane you gon’ feel like doin’ is being somebody’s mama or daddy.  I don’t even think I combed McKenzie’s hair this mornin’.  I damn sho’ ain’t wash her face.

• Change into your PJs as soon as you get home from HC, cuz yo’ old arse bound to fall asleep as soon as you sit down. It’s not so much as being narcoleptic as it is that yo arse is just tired.  You probably got 8 hours of sleep IN TOTAL for the entire HC cuz you ain’t wanna miss NOTHIN’.

• Wear flats and comfortable shoes for the entire week after HC. You probably wore heels and hard bottoms all weekend long, and your feet got knuckles.  Give them dogs a break.

• If you had a HC weekend romance, cut that sheeit off now. You ain’t even got enough money to buy groceries this week…how you gon’ keep an ill-advised long distance romance going?  Plus, he probably got a woman, girlfriend, baby mama, mistress, side chick, wife at home and there you go flyin’ or taking the Megabus up there and end up beat up or missin’ behind his trifleness.  Same thane applies for the opposite gender – just insert dude, man, husband, hubby, side man where appropriate.

• Gas up your car before you leave for homecoming. Cuz even if you got to eat egg sammiches erryday, you got to get back and forth to work.  You can pretend to be fastin’ if foke ask you why you ain’t eating lunch, but you can’t drive yo’ car on air.

• Take the day off from the gym and drink a lot of water. Ain’t no sense in wasting gas. Plus, you were shutting down parties at HC cuz you was working out erryday befo’ and drankin’ yo meals and you looked damn good.  It’s okay to take a break this week…you got 364 days til the next HC to get back right.  And the water is to clean out your system for all that oil you drank this weekend.

Hopefully, these tips help somebody.  Just know I ain’t judgin’…I’m just tryna keep thanes REAL.  Just like this post-homecoming struggle I’m going through.  Happy HBCU Homecoming Hangover Day!

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark