Scandal Recap – You Cain’t Win Chile

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Yeah, I’m talking to Liv.  That thane done bounced back and forth between Jake from State Farm and Fitz for the better part of two seasons and still cain’t make her mind up.

Tonight, she lied to Fitz like she wasn’t behind letting her daddy out of them people’s jail.  I was a little disappointed that I ain’t get to see ol’ Rowan Pope tonight.  I was so ready for his 5 minute monologue on how he sat in them people’s jail til he nearbout rot to death.  You know I loves me a good Color Purple quote.

Liv nem finally got a client, and I was happy to see them back fixin’ and handlin’ thanes.  Cuz they done hired Marcus as a gladiator, and I don’t think he done got a paycheck yet.  So at least tonight, there were gonna be coins coming in. I don’t think Liv been making payroll, and I think they still owed Harrison some money when he came up missing.

Tonight’s case was all about an author/professor that gave women a voice. He was being honored with the Presidential Medal of Freedom.  Well come to find out that thane was freein’ his women students from they pannies.  One of his victims came to Liv for help.  Come to find out the professor was dropping Mollies AND Mickies in them people’s dranks, and giving ’em pills, and when they woke up, cold and nekkid, he was standin’ over ’em in a patchwork robe and black dress socks.  Eerily similar to somebody else we know…or thought we knew.

Liv then figga’d out that the professor’s wife was in on it.  She was the one supplying him with the drugs to give the women!  Liv and them women got the last laugh when they all showed up at his book reading. It was handled.

Lizzy Bear wanted back in at the White House, and had to threaten to spill secrets to Sally Langston.  Sally thought she was bout to get some tea, but Lizzy Bear flipped at the last minute because Fitz gave her a job back at the White House.  Them thanes LOVE that White House…you hear me?!  When they get fiyah’d, they don’t comb they heads, barely bathe, and hang around in they robes all day doing each others toes.  Them thanes be DEPRESSED, so I was glad she got her another job (the Veep’s Chief of Staff).

Speaking of the Veep, she was feelin’ her some David Rosen.  When you extra grown and you offering somebody a wine cooler…oh yeah, you gone.  David Rosen ended up getting it in with Lizzy Bear after they mutually hated each other.  She told him she wasn’t wearing any pannies, and I needed a cigarette and a fan.  I bet Ellen was givin’ Portia De Rossi all kindsa side eyes for mountin’ that man like that.  The Veep came to see Rosen in that moment, and I for one was glad she left the wine coolers and went on home.  Cuz if she had walked into his office, she would have gotten an EYEFUL.

Cyrus got peeved when he found out Lizzy Bear was back in the White House with a new gubment job.  He got Liv all the way together and told her SHE is actually the president.  Cuz Fitz nose is WIDE open.  Liv is leading him around like a lil faithful puppy.

Next week, Mellie is gon’ tell Mistah…I mean Fitz..that she and Liv sprung Daddy Pope outta the penitentiary.  And this will be the end of Liv and Fitz.  Fitz don’t like betrayal, Honey.  So no Liv..you cain’t win Chile…and you cain’t get outta the game.  You might as well call up Jake.  We know he ain’t neva busy. Oh and Liv need them locks worked on again.  ERRYBODY be in that thane apartment when she get home from work.  I thought she fixed the locks last season…

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclarkscandalimage

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