Last night, I was overly tired.  I’m talmbout could barely move and my joints were achy.  These are the side effects from breast cancer surgeries and treatment….that I will likely have to live with for the rest of my life. If I sound sad, I’m not — because even in the midst of the aches and pains and fatigue, I am BLESSED to be here and thankful to GOD for more time to watch my baby grow up.  I am not taking life for granted, no matter how it comes.

It took all the little energy I had to take McKenzie (my baby) to Monday night soccer practice and in choosing to do so, I missed a birthday celebration for a dear pal (Happy Birthday Rachelle – I’m sure you understand :-)) and a fundraising Happy Hour for my dear college home (Jackson State University – DFW Alumni Chapter, theeIlove! and you can expect a small contribution to the scholarship fund from me next month).  I also was mentally drained, waiting for the verdict for the Michael Brown shooting case in Ferguson to come down.  For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why they would wait until nightfall to exonerate the officer.  They had to know that wasn’t going to go over well.  I’m surprised that “they” are surprised at the response.  Now, let’s be clear, I fully EXPECTED Officer Darren Wilson to walk.  Though some will try to say it’s a new day in the US, there is no more racism, and my favorite “look we even got a Black president”, the truth is racism is alive and well in America.  Actually, it might have been a better situation back in the 60s because it wasn’t subtle – it was out there, in your face, and nobody was really trying to hide it or tell you you were crazy if you thought it.  The truth also is there IS police brutality against young black males.  And more often that not, it goes unchecked.  It has also claimed the lives of many a black son.

My heart hurts this morning for a mother who had to watch her son’s lifeless bloody body lie in the streets for FOUR HOURS before it was removed.  Who will never get to see her son again and will be haunted by memories from that day. She. Will. Never. See. Her. Son. Again. In. This. Life.  Hold him.  Dream for his future.  I am not excusing anything criminal that Michael Brown may have done, but nothing, NOTHING, he did warranted those 10 shots that were fired.  Nothing he did warranted those two bullets being put in his head.  Eyewitnesses said Michael Brown had his hands up…he had surrendered.  He was UNARMED.  You mean to tell me a police officer is not trained to take down an UNARMED man without overkilling him?  That is a fundamental problem with law enforcement training that needs to be fixed.  My heart hurts because it could have been one of my two sons lying dead in pool of blood in that street.  Any street.  As the old people put it, but for the grace of GOD, there go I.

I started to wonder, at what age does a young black male become such a threat to society, a community, us all, that it warrants his killing when he has no weapon?  At what age do we give up on them?  At what age do we consider their lives meaningless?  My heart hurts this morning for a community that has turned on itself, looting, and burning, and killing, and fighting.  Unfortunately, none of that will bring Michael Brown back and will only result in more senseless death and hurt.  My heart hurts this morning because there are people who will label Michael Brown a thug and believe that Officer Wilson did nothing wrong.  That there is one less Black thug on the streets, and they will support this type of thing happening time and time again, with no retribution.  At the very least, Officer Wilson should have been found guilty of manslaughter, because that is what he did.  The grand jury got it wrong.  Michael Brown was SLAUGHTERED – no different from a deer that has been killed and left lyin’ in the streets after being hunted.  And then to add insult to injury and death, Michael Brown’s dead body was left laying there in the street as a painful reminder of the meaning of Black male life to the masses.

So, what do we now, in the wake of this tragedy?  I am not sure I have the answer, so I will just pray.  Continue to pray for understanding above all understanding between police and the people they are supposed to protect and serve.  Continue to pray for more training for police officers so they can successfully take down an unarmed suspect without blowing his brains out.  Continue to pray for the implementation of body cameras that are voice-activated so there is no ‘he say, she say’ when it comes to deadly matters such as this.  Continue to pray for peaceful demonstrations.  Continue to pray for a mother who hurts for her dead child.  Continue to pray for a community that is sick and tired of being sick and tired. Continue to pray that one day the killing of an unarmed black male is a concern for everybody because a life is a life, and one life should hold no more value than another…..

Prayers for Ferguson.  Prayers for our Black sons.  Prayers for all of us.

I will just say this and I feel bad for putting it out there in the universe – there ain’t a lot of stuff for me to blog about concernin’ The Real Housewives of Atlanta when Apollo or Kenya don’t play a central role or somebody ain’t fightin’.  Like for real, for real fighting.  Not that play fight that Cynthia and Porsha had at them people’s restaurant.  This is gon’ be quick cuz they ain’t gave me much material.  I will try to just hit the highlights.  (Lawd Jesus what is we gon’ do without Scandal?  What will become of this blog?).

I really like Todd for Kandi.  They make a cute couple.  However, I needed them to do a REAL meeting of their kids off camera.  Now I thought the stepsisters met each other during the wedding, but I have to deduce that it wasn’t a for real for real meeting.  Cuz Riley ain’t even get up when that gul came to the doe.  She ain’t even shift positions when the doe-bell rang.  Todd’s daughter is a cutie and so is Riley – they both look like their parents.  Riley definitely got somma Mama Joyce in her from the attitude and side eyes she was givin’ Todd’s daughter.  So Todd’s daughter done moved to Atlanta and in with her new stepsister.  Todd and Kandi were discussin’ chores with them, which woulda been fine if both kids were still in high school.  However, Kayla (?) done graduated, so instead of her worryin’ bout how much money she gon’ get for pickin’ up her room and washin’ a dish, she needs to be worried about somebody’s college education.  Now, I ain’t for lil girls havin’ a whole bunch of attitude, but I did like how Riley said she wouldn’t be worried about comin’ in at 2 a.m. when she’s 18 because she will be in college.  SHADE Hunny!  And out of the mouth of babes…

I know why I ain’t got a lot to say.  Mama Joyce ain’t make no appearance this week!  I wonder if she done dreamt about Todd’s vie-sectomy (that is how she said vasectomy last week and I hollered) again.  I need her to have mo’ on her mind than dreamin’ of her son-in-law in that way.  She should be securin’ a position on somebody’s mothers’ board up in somebody’s church.

What else happened?  Oh, we finally got to see the random (Claudia Jordan) hold a peach.  She gave us her backstory and how she already famous (‘supposably’).  The best thing about her was the Rickey Smiley connection because he made an appearance and made me laugh.  I ain’t mad at her though because at least now, Kenya got a lil friend.  Lawd knows, she needs one.

Phaedra found out Apollo lied, and to be a self-proclaimed Southern Belle who does all thangs proper, delivered one of the most blasphemous lines in the histry of reality tv.  She mentioned Jesus and two versions of the “F” word in the same sentence.  I wonder what her pastor mother thought of that.  Kenya expects an apology from Phaedra but she prolly won’t eva get it – Apollo spread several larcenies ova her name, but I think Kenya is just goin’ to have to twirl on.  Nene damn sure wasn’t in an apology mode.  She told her new best friend and shadow Porsha such ova wine at Porsha’s house.  I guess Porsha still in them people’s house.  I just knew that thang would be foreclosed on by now.  She probably leasin’ it and Bravo footin’ the bill.  *side eye*  I hollered when Porsha said she wasn’t “very rich” like Nene…but “hood rich”.  Hayle both of them “hood rich”.  Nene learned what a THOT was from Porsha but I got a feelin’ from her reaction (“that hoe where?  ova there?”), it won’t be a regular part of her vocab.

Apollo visited a divorce attorney.  I don’t remember the attorney’s name (I should cuz his arse been on more than five episodes not including both Kandi’s and Nene’s wedding shows) but he must be the only damn divorce attorney IN Atlanta cuz errybody keeps goin’ to him.  And I would be okay if he was “good” at it, but he appears to be bout as good at lawyerin’ as Phaedra is.  Porsha ended up with nothin’ in her divorce.  Todd gon’ end up with next to nothin’ if it don’t work out.  And po’ Greg prolly won’t even get to keep his drawls if he and Nene don’t work out this time.  He gettin’ a lot of airtime and publicity though.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see his ol’ scruffy face arse holdin’ a peach in next season’s episodes.  Apollo said he just wants to make sure he has somethin’ when he gets out lest he goes back to stealin’ fokes money and identities like he did this time.  He also said he loves Phaedra but despises everything about her.  ?  I guess he was plannin’ crimes and felonies when he shoulda been paying attention in school cuz that pretty much means he hates her arse.

The “new” Cynthia is actin’ real mean girl, and that was evident when she finally sat down with Porsha to air things out.  Porsha was an hour late to the meeting, so Cynthia had every right to be upset.  Howevs, at about the 30 minutes late mark, Cynthia should have gotten up and walked out.  I’m assuming the producers made her stay cuz ain’t no way in the world I woulda sat up there waiting on that gul for a whole 60 minutes.  That is a wasted hour of Cynthia’s life she cain’t neva get back.  Porsha offered no apologies, and they just started goin’ in on each other.  From like 10 to 1,000 in a matter of seconds.  I would offer who I think may have won the war of words (prolly NOT Porsha since she accused Cynthia of being a 5 year old in menopause.  I’m convinced Porsha got her grades handed to her in school cuz she is clearly lacking in the brains department) but to me it sounded like when adults talk in them Charlie Brown movies.  Womp, womp, womp. That’s pretty much all I got from the catfight.

And that was pretty much this week’s RHOA episode.  Just like today’s blog – not much going on.  Imma hang in there though with hopes that either somebody snatches somebody’s edges in a war of words OR we get to see Apollo’s face behind them people’s glass.  Either would be a win/win for viewers and this blog.  Later….

Bay Bay – that Scandal Winter Finale though!  I honestly don’t know where to begin.  In the first 15 minutes of tonight’s show, Shonda Rhimes got my whole life, snatched all my edges and made me her bitch baby.  That damn woman is a genius.  I was bout ready to pay her car note and half her mortgage behind this episode.  Let’s get into it cuz I need to finish this wine I’m sippin’ on.  Whew chile – I am STILL shaking.  This gon’ be kinda long so make sure you got a snack.

The episode opened with Liv still reelin’ from how bad her daddy did her in them people’s restaurant.  Y’all member when they thought they was bout to take command when Daddy Pope had done already told them ‘you don’t take Command…Command takes yo arse’.  They ain’t listen, and Daddy Pope left all kindsa dead guards in his wake.  They were turnin’ over erry rock and stone lookin’ for her daddy, sorta like when child support be tryna find a daddy who ain’t payin’ but multiplied times 10,000.  They even dug up Mama Pope from the hole lookin’ for old Rowan.  And for somebody that had been in the hole for like all the episodes of this season, Mama Pope sho’ was lookin’ good.  Hair all did and teeth all white and lookin’ like she hadn’t missed too many meals.  But y’all know Liv’s mama – she coulda missed a meal or ten and just ate her own damn wrists again.  But I digress.

Mama Pope thought Liv was there to help her and een smugly told Liv to “handle it”.  But instead of Liv doin’ what she always does (tellin’ foke she done handled whatever it was 30 minutes ‘fo they tell her what they need handled), she told Fitz and Jake nem to charge her mama and lock her arse up!  Bay Bay – I hollered!  I guess Liv Mama don’t need to plan on having a mother/daughter spa appointment for Mother’s Day.  But ol’ Livvie ain’t stop there…no.  She told them to find her damn daddy and kill him.  I then wondered to myself if Liv was too old to be considered an orphan cuz she damn sho’ was tryna be one.

Jake from State Farm was back out on the streets tryna find Daddy Pope ‘fo Daddy Pope found him.  Luckily, Jake good about sensin’ when foke tryna kill him (‘member how he noticed that gas leakin’ outta his car two episodes ago – he’s very aware) cuz Daddy Pope had sent yet another B613 flunky to send Jake to them people’s Upper Room.  Jake hit ol’ boy ‘fo ol’ boy could hit him and then found a “kill card” in the would-be assassin’s pocket.  The kill card was the “king” card (think the playing cards for Spades) with Jake’s photo on it.  Now, I had done heard of a kill card befo’ but this was my first time seein’ one.  This would not be my last.  It ain’t take long for Jake to figga out Rowan had a whole damn deck of cards out there with people’s profile pics on them as he was tryna to take out ERRYBODY who had ever been a B613 agent.  You know how people be getting they affairs in order when they know they ain’t got long?  That’s what Daddy Pope was tryna do, ‘ceptin’ his affairs was gon’ be killin’ errybody.

Quinn went looking for Charlie (this was either befo’ or after she took a fanguh off a dead guy’s hand and used it to open up a door she shouldn’t have had access to – just nasty)  to let him know, in the words of that ol’ sage Whoopi Goldberg as Oda Mae Brown in Ghost “Molly…you in danger, Girl”.  That ended with Quinn getting um…er…uh ruh…”tightened up” in the car.  That gul don’t care where she make out – parking garages, backseats of cars, on top of cars, on park benches.  And then had the nerve to head right on back to the office like nothin’ ever happened.  Ain’t even wash up or nothin’.   Later, she would be back at Charlie’s house (at least this time, she was doin’ it in the bed), discovering a damn kill card with her pitcha on it in Charlie’s pocket cuz he had been contracted to kill HER.  That Charlie ain’t nothin’ but a low down SNAKE.  He was gon’ kill her after he had sex with her.  Just low down.  I ain’t tell y’all how they were playin’ “Endless Love” by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross nem in the background, did I?  When I tell you that was the fight scene to end all fight scenes…Bay Bay!  Quinn went up in the air and came down on Charlie with some ‘rise, pause, and fall’ wrestlin’ move.  I hollered and then quietly laid down and died.  Shonda coulda had errythang at my house ova that scene includin’ my child.

Jake actually went to Daddy Pope’s house.  Yes, he went to that man’s house like he was gon’ really be up in there.  When they gon’ stop treatin’ that man like he’s an amateur?  That man killed a TRIBE of foke last week and Jake thought he was gon’ be just sittin’ up in the house watchin’ the stories and sheeit?  Of course, you know where Daddy Pope was.  Yep, sittin’ up in in Liv’s house when she got home from makin’ (buyin’) groceries.  I swear that girl need to buy some new locks or take her damn keys back!  This time, he was cookin’ a roast, drankin’ wine AND all up in her albums.  I mean, y’all know I ain’t neva had no daddy but is this really how they be actin’?  Showin’ up to your house all uninvited and lettin’ themselves in and goin’ in yo’ ‘frigerator and sheeit?

This time, he was tryna be a little bit nicer.  Wanted to reminisce.  Tried to be as sentimental..you know as he could.  Until he got mad cuz she was being ungrateful.  I ain’t know where the conversation was gon’ go but I was thinking ‘this ain’t gon’ end well’.  He had a gun (duh), and he laid it on the table.  And moved away from it while still monologuin’, bout how there would be no her without him, how she’s looking in a mirror when she sees him.  Liv grabbed the gun, and y’all KNOW Daddy Pope wasn’t havin’ this.  He told her to watch herself.  And then Liv pulled that triggah.  Chile, Daddy Pope screamed and hollered like he had caught a bullet to the heart!  Liv said she wanted the kill shot but I thought she was just actin’ and playin’ hard.  And as you guessed it – there were no bullets in the gun.  He set a trap for Liv and she fell right into it, hook, line and sanker.  Can I just say I was really really scared for Liv in that moment?  I likened it to being whupped with a belt or switch by yo’ parent (back in the 70s and 80s cuz I don’t think you can do that no mo’) and reachin’ up and grabbin’ the belt just outta reflex.  By accident.  In that split second, you cain’t let go but you scared to hold on.  Either way, you know that’s yo’ arse.  So yeah, that was pretty much Liv’s arse.  Surprisingly, her daddy ain’t kill her though it is clear she done chose them “boys” as he calls Fitz and Jake nem over him.  He left, but of course, ain’t leave no forwardin’ address.  And you already know he strutted out, but no ‘fo tellin’ her ‘you gon’ miss me when I’m gone’.  I sho’ wish somebody had cued Bobby Womack’s song “If You Think You Lonely Now….” at that very moment.

The compromisin’ photos and Instagrams of Cyrus and his THOT were made public and caused a Scandal all up and through Fitz nem White House.  Bay Bay…the press had a field day with Cy and that prostitute.  Yes, they found out ol’ boy was hoe….Whew Chile.  Cy resigned in one of the saddest scenes ever.  That man deserves a damn Emmy nomination for talmbout how he had been livin’ in them people’s closet.  Or at least a Hoody.  Fitz ain’t wanna accept the resignation but Cy made him.  Liv was tryna get Cy to agree to marry that THOT (her way of handlin’ it) but Cy ain’t wanna tarnish James’ legacy like that.  Nor did he want to bring that THOT home to Ella.  You know whenever a James dies (Scandal, Good Times), the widowed spouse don’t neva wanna get remarried right away anyway.

Later, Liv went back to talk to her mama again.  By this time, her mama was back to being the mean mama and pretty much told Liv to cry her a damn river.  Bay Bay – I hollered!  I be wonderin’ if Mama Pope REALLY gave birth to Liv.  I already know Daddy Pope prolly ain’t her real daddy.  Liv got the worst parents in the whole wide world.  Ever.  That motherly (not) pep talk is just what Liv needed cuz she went and found Cy and reminded him that he could not quit…and asked him if he was a bitch baby.  I. Died.  I decided that bitch baby is like 10 times worse than bitch arse.  And I hollered and died again.  There were so many good one-liners tonight.  Shonda Rhimes and the writers gave me my life over and over and when I thought I had stopped getting it..somebody else would say something and the cycle of my life-getting would start all over again.  Cy went back to the White House and resumed his ol’ position.  And, proving that 2014 is REALLY the year of the THOT, Cy got engaged to that prostitute and went public with it, and side chics and THOTs ERRYWHERE stood up and cheered!  No, like really. I heard lots of cheering in the background.  I think it was THOTs.

Liv told Fitz that the Vice President must ain’t got sheeit to do cuz he carryin’ on an affair with the head of the Republican National Committee (Portia Rossi – y’all know I still don’t know her character’s name and too tired to look).  Mellie overheard it and flashed back to when she was dry grindin’ with the Veep.  And then, Portia De Rossi (who had just read and dressed down Liv for lyin’ bout a fake arse virus tappin’ her phone when it was actually a fake arse CYRUS (catch that play on words), tellin’ her there is a special place in hayle for women that don’t support other women) came face to face with (no-longer-smelly with fried chicken in her belly) Mellie.  Mellie told her not to get it twisted…that sharing the same man (that ol’ nasty for no good reason Veep) didn’t mean they were friends…just that they were at risk for the same STDs.  That damn Mellie know her arse can deliver a good arse line!  I damn near wanted to sign my life over to Shonda Rhimes behind that one.

This is runnin’ long but Scandal was just sooooo good.  The finale ended in two parts – The Veep went in to see the President (that thang got some nerve after he done ran up in Fitz’ woman and double dealin’ behind Fitz back) and Jake showed up at Olivia’s.  The Veep was talkin’ crazy to Fitz and I just knew he was bout to get that eye dotted again and then the camera cut to Olivia’s apartment again where I just noticed a big arse piano for the first time in four seasons.  I swear people and big arse pianos just be showin’ up in her apartment all willy-nilly.  I ain’t neva noticed nothin’ in the front room of her high-rise other than that raggely arse couch where she drank her wine.  She wanted to dance with Jake so they started dancing (Jake ain’t got to worry bout winnin’ no Dancin’ With The Stars competitions) and then she told him she wanted Fitz in Vermont…and him (Jake) in the sun.  I was like damn did that nasty arse Liv just ask for a threesome?  She told him she was choosing herself…and I guess that was fine with Jake cuz he went to get some cover for them to put on that unexplained piano so they could dry grind.  When he got back, Liv was gone and her wine had been spilled on the couch.  Yep..she had been snatched up!

The scene cut back to the Veep who pretty much told Fitz ‘I got ya girl…..now what you gon’ do bout it, Beetch?’.  Whew Chile!  I don’t know how I’m s’pose to get through Thanksgiving and Christmas!  Lawd what is we gon’ do????  All I know is somewhere Liv’s daddy was watchin’ it all unfold, drankin’ wine, eatin’ a steak and sayin’ “I tried to tell  her…..” Shonda Rhimes – you is a GENIUS!  I was s’pose to blog about HTGAWM in here but done ran out of room and time.  Till next year, Gladiators!!!!!!

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I keep forgetting that these episodes taped before Apollo did not pass go and went straight to jail.  This episode opened with him surprisin’ Phaedra at Mr. Attorney General’s (Ayden) dentist’s appointment.  I knew when Ayden saw his daddy and said ‘uh oh’…twice…it wasn’t gon’ be no quality fam’ly time up there in them people’s dentist office.  Apollo said somethin’ to Phae and she ain’t even respond.  Phaedra’s momma sat there real quiet too.  Mr. President barely let Apollo pick him up, and Apollo had to ask Ayden if he could get a hug.  Kids sense when somethin’ ain’t right.  I was so glad when they put them babies in that car because watchin’ that dentist appointment was uncomfortable as hayle.

Cynthia apparently got herself a photo spread in Essence magazine, but still talmbout Nene.  She should have known that friendship was doomed when she sat there and wrote out that friend contract.  Anytime you need a piece of paper to outline the ins and outs of yo’ friendship, you ain’t got one.  Peter decided to host a party at Bar One for her to celebrate.  I was lookin’ to celebrate also at Bar One recently while in Atlanta but could not because it had been padlocked.  I’m thinkin’ that’s why that spot ain’t make it – they were forever hostin’ personal parties for each other in a club that ain’t hold that many people to begin with.  You know how foke say certain people got the Midas Touch when it comes to business?  Well Uncle Ben got the opposite of that.  Just chalk Bar One up as a failure just like all the other stuff he done tried to do.  I’m thinkin’ he should just say forget it and fill out the application to draw SSI.  Lawd knows he old enough.

Kandi decided to buy her mama a house.  This after Kandi already gave Mama Joyce her old house.  I guess that wasn’t good enough.  Mama Joyce prolly told her if she ain’t buy her a house down the street from Kandi and Todd nem, she (Mama Joyce) was gon’ move up in they house.  You know Mama Joyce already mad that Todd mama be spendin’ nights there and Todd’s daughter is there.  Kandi will NOT stand up to her mama, because while it is good to honor your mother (and buy her a house if you got it), Mama Joyce ain’t need all them damn rooms, a tennis court, a jacuzzi, three levels, a three-car garage, etc.  She sangle, old, and ain’t got no kids at home.  I wouldn’t begrudge her if she had a man, but she ain’t even got that.  I would let her make it if her sisters lived with her, but Aunt Bertha nem got men.  If Kandi keeps lettin’ Mama Joyce do whatever the hayle she wants to, Kandi gon’ be bout as sangle as Mama Joyce.  Todd looks like he is thisclose to movin’ out that house and requestin’ his prenup payments.  And Kandi steady talmbout Todd and Mama Joyce done made progress.  Hayle, they ain’t say two words to each other up in that kitchen.  Talmbout awkward.  It was almost as bad as watching that skinny arse Missy Elliott that was cast in that Aaliyah movie.

Kenya is still upset over bein’ snatched to the ground by Porsha on that reunion show but we got a peek at the old Kenya when her friend Brandon came over and played a song on her piano called “Really Beetch”.  I hollered and died.  I also died again when he said Apollo attacking him was beige on beige crime.  I told y’all Apollo nem done set the light-skinded black man back 100 years.  Kenya went to Cynthia’s party celebrating the spread in Essence after Brandon told her she needed to move on and get back out there.  I was disappointed that Brandon didn’t go with her but we did get our first glimpse of one of the new randoms, Claudia Jordan.  She co-hosts with Ricky Smiley on his mornin’ show.  Done stole Ebony Steele’s job and bout to try to steal Porsha’s shine on RHOA.  She did deliver a good line though bout clutchin’ her purse tightly when Apollo showed up to the party.  Y’all know Apollo would steal the light skin off Brandon if he thought he could make some fast money.

Kenya tried to leave the party because she didn’t want to be around Apollo.  Apollo went after her in an effort to clear the air.  He stammered and stuttered through somewhat of an apology but it went badly because Apollo ain’t known for being good with using his words.  He was in prison when he should have been in somebody’s college.  He ended up coming back and admitting that he lied bout seein’ Kenya at that hotel in L.A. and that he lied about her offerin’ him…um…er….that other thing that ain’t regular sex.  Hey, I keeps it real in this blog, but I don’t wanna be all X-rated either in case somebody younger than 18 is reading this.  I got myself a small child so I’m all about setting the right example.

Yes, folks, you heard that right.  Apollo lied on Kenya.  He said he did it because she put him out there talmbout stop textin’ her in front of his wife and America on the reunion show ‘fo last.  I always felt like he wasn’t being honest, the whole ex-con, newly-returnin’ con thing notwithstanding.  He WISHES Kenya had done all those things.  I wanted her to stare him down and say “you ain’t gots to lie, Craig”.  Of course, Cynthia was there during this exchange (Kenya did right to have a witness) so she went back in and told Kandi, Todd and Peter nem that Apollo admitted to lying.  This made Kandi confront Apollo, and say she realizes she ain’t really know him.  I mean, what else did you need to know?  Have they MET this man?  He ain’t go to prison for sellin’ flowers off the freeway!

And that’s how it ended.  You know they bout to tell Phaedra cuz these women cain’t hold water, in a bucket reinforced in steel inside 4 other buckets.  I wonder if Phae will apologize to Kenya.  She may as well embrace Kenya since her man gon’ be locked up for the next 8 years.  Which makes me wonder if Apollo really cared about hurting Kenya as he said (funny…he didn’t care one iota if he hurt those retirees whose money he stole) or he wanted a chance to try to hit since he is getting a divorce.  Kenya is too smart for that.  I don’t think she does foke with prison records, and damn sure not foke that are married AND headed back to prison.

I don’t know how many episodes we got til Apollo reports to them people’s prison, but I’m enjoyin’ seein’ him on that countdown.  I don’t feel bad for him cuz he made the bed he will ultimately lie in, next to some big burly hard-legded dude who gon’ braid half his hair and sell him off for cigarettes.  Whew chile…cain’t wait for next week when the new Cynthia comes for Porscha.  Oh wait..hayle I done forgot to talk about Nene in Las Vegas in them people’s Cirque De Soleil show.  What’s that?  Y’all don’t care?  Okay….me either.  I’m. So. Over. Her.  I need her to write that check to the Detroit Public Schools and get outta here talmbout ‘statue (yes statue) of limitations’.  Bye, Nene, Bye.  Bloop.

So I was on vacation this past Thursday, standin’ in them people’s sun, in the Cayman Islands when this episode aired.  I think I was out with my lips wrapped around them people’s oxtails and forgot what day it was and what time until the show was over.  I also didn’t see How To Get Away With Murder, but with that show, I’m still in the same place I was last week when I watched it – I don’t know what the hayle is goin’ on.  But back to Scandal, and not only Thank GOD It’s Thursday, but thank GOD for DVRs and shows that are on season record even when you done forgot.

So I just watched this episode, and all I wanted to do at the end was pick up a plastic bowl (for safety’s sake, no glass) and throw it on the floor while sayin’ Damn Damn Damn in my Florida Evans voice, but ‘fo I fast forward to the end, let’s talk about errythang that happened in between.  I’m on them cold meds right now, so this may or may not be in chronological order on how it happened.

Episode opened with the VP leaving some speech or another he had given.  Was anybody else real happy to see him?  I wasn’t sure I had really seent him since Fitz dotted that eye last season.  Fitz know he be beatin’ up foke and leavin’ they eyes lookin’ like Miss Sophia’s when she got knocked out on them people’s movie.  Oprah played that damn role too, but I digress…  I was pretty much giddy with excitement when I saw him cuz I KNEW ol’ formerly Smelly Mellie was bout to rub her a lil booty or somethin’ and at least dry grind with him with her clothes on.  He stopped to shake the hands of the “help” who had been put out of the building for the speech (they don’t neva do maids and butlers right on these shows) and thank GOD he did…his car got blowed up!  Yes, “blowed” up.

Ellen Degeneres’ wife was being a bitch again in her role, but somebody had bugged her phone and she was asking Olivia Pope nem to handle it.  And you know Liv told her she had already handled it.  Like 20 minutes before ol’ girl asked.  That’s how they roll over there at OPA.  Come to find out it was Cyrus because he had made the connection between Portia (y’all know I don’t be knowin’ names of foke til they been on bout fi’ episodes) and that THOT he been runnin’ round DC with.  Slippin’ and slidin’ all up and through them people’s hotels to the point he had to gon’ and get that that THOT an apartment and a phone in his name.  That THOT d-whipped ol’ Cyrus.  Bad. Cy too smart for that.  He didn’t realize he was bein’ set up til he had been Instagrammed in all kinds of compromisin’ photos.  What is it with this dude Cyrus and chains and such?

Liv ended up helping him and lyin’ to Portia because Cyrus is her friend.  Luckily, ‘fo Cy killed that THOT, Liv found out that the hoe in question does really care for Cyrus.  I’m glad, because when he showed up at Cyrus’ house, I was like that’s one DEAD thot.  Oh, they also mentioned Cyrus’ baby for the first time, and the reason we don’t see lil Ella is she can’t stand her daddy.  She don’t know him from what Cy said but she can prolly sense he spendin’ her chile support money and college funds on THOTs.  Crisis averted on this issue.

Smelly Mellie musta washed out that cooch, cuz chile she got butt nekkid with the Veep after findin’ out he ain’t die in that explosion.  He was wearin’ a bandage over part of his chest, but that ain’t stop her from unbuttonin’ that blouse and dry grindin’.  I wonder if they ate some of that good crispy fried chicken her cook be making after it was ova.  I’m sure they had the munchies.  Oh, I forgot, not only was the Veep breakin’ off ol’ Mels, he was also runnin’ up in Portia’s character!  I was like damn..he must be takin’ them lil blue pills.  His behavior has shown me that the Vice President really don’t be doin’ no kind of real work.  How he gon’ have time to have TWO affairs?

Okay, I think I covered everything so I can get to the real JUICY part!  The episode belonged to Daddy Pope.  Captain Ballard (Jake from State Farm) was workin’ with Fitz and Liv to take down Rowan.  But they needed to get those B613 files and lure him to a public place where they could put them cuffs on him.  Now y’all know Rowan is a baaaaddd man.  This man been killin’ foke since Scandal started and done ordered hits on errybody from the President’s son to Jake.  They really thought that man was gon’ let them run up in them people’s fine restaurant and arrest him?  Hello..have they MET Daddy Pope?  I knew when he pushed that plate back to go into another one of them long arse monologues, the gig was up.  He ain’t even TOUCH his food, and y’all know that man love him a good steak!  They shoulda called them guards off then, but no…they sat there with their eyes glossed ova (including Liv who was dinin’ with him as part of the sting) listenin’ to him rattle off a 500 second speech without taking a breath.  Which I can sort of forgive.  When he be talkin’, sometimes I as a viewer lose focus.  Be thinkin’ bout what I got to do later.  What Imma cook.  If I cut the stove off, etc.

The files ended up being blank.  I’m talmbout that was the whitest copy paper with no words on it that I ever seen.  David Rosen was foiled again!  Daddy Pope ended his tirade by tellin’ Liv she was pretty much dead to him and them armed guards were too, thanks to her.  Them thangs fell like Dominos as each one of them took a silent bullet to the body.  Daddy Pope told Liv she thinks the world is so bad with him in it…let’s see how she fares without him.  And with that, that thang strutted out them people restaurant like a modern-day Shaft.  He ain’t even attempt to pay the damn check.  If he hadda, I swear I would have just died right there.  All that thang needed was some background music (somethin’ by James Brown) as he entered his limo, amidst all of the am-a-lanches (ambulances) and police cars and dead bodies.  He got in, rolled his window down an inch so you could see his eyes, looked out and then rode off.  You know ALL OF ‘EM bout to feel Rowan’s wrath in the next episode.  He might be a part-time museum curator and a fake arse chef marinatin’ roasts in the finest of wines, but that thang is SMART.  He was smarter than Fitz, Jake, Liv, David Rosen, and all them armed guards put together.  Twice.  I cain’t hardly wait for next week’s episode.  I gotta give it up to Shonda Rhimes.  She done got me and my life all the way together for this season of Scandal, Honey!

This is gonna be quick. I’m outta town…FL to be exact. I’m attempting to blog for the first time ever from an iPhone. I’m sorta scared to commit to a bunch of words lest I lose it all. My phone been less than reliable since Steve Jobs went to be with the LORD. But this blog ain’t bout my technology or lack thereof. We bout to talk about the juiciness of this episode of RHOA and how it came to be that Apollo ended up in them people’s prison.

Season opened with NeNe in a bad weave..being full of herself..talmbout herself…  In other words, no different from last season or the season before. I was bored by her tonight. And Greg windin’ round and threatening to take off his breetches didn’t help.

We caught up with Kenya who traveled the world over the break, tryna leave that hair snatchin’ Porscha put on her behind. Porscha tugged the sheeit outta Kenya’s hairline and scalp, resulting in a recurring role for herself and a flawless mugshot photo.

Cynthia apparently had some work done over the break. Somethin’ bout her face seemed ‘off’.  She still married to Uncle Ben but ain’t succumbed to worms yet. You know old people give you worms. Peter done had yet another bidness fail as Bar One closed after the last season. He need to gon’ and retire and draw SSI cuz he sucks at business. He too old to still be failing at errythang.

Kandi and Todd are newlyweds trying to blend fam’lies since they both have girls. Errybody in the Tucker fam’ly bought to come up!  Todd’s daughter…his mama…Todd. LOL. Sheeit…I need to change my last name to Tucker.

Did I talk bout errybody?  Oh…Porscha got her a new set of tig ol’bitties!  She damn near unleashed them puppies…scratch that…full grown dogs…and her bottom for a photo shoot. She ain’t neva been that nekkid befo’. She done CHANGED!

This episode though belonged to Phaedra and Apollo. Apollo was headed to court to be sentenced. Instead of Phaedra goin’ all Tammy Wynette and standin’ by her man, she chose to flee Buckhead with Mr. President and Mr. Attorney General and head to a penthouse hotel suite in Augusta. Apollo was let down, defeated and even cried. I ain’t know thugs cried. Not a good luck for somebody bout to become the newest fish on cell block B. Pastor Regina (Phae’s mama) was around to provide prayer and support while Phaedra reiterated for the 50-11th time that she ain’t knowed NOTHING bout nothing. We met two random white people who ended up being Apollo’s brother and mama. Like Ike Turner, Mama Nida was high on them people’s narcotics and ran the streets so she was never there for Apollo. I know what it’s like to not have a mama. Wanna go somewhere and caint. Wanna sang and have it beat outcha. What?  Y’all know I love Color Purple quotes.

Apollo cried some mo’. And prayed. Lawd his hair prolly already braided in them people’s penitentiary!  That thang kinda soft.

Phaedra finally returned home where Apollo berated her and said he was basically a glorified sperm donor. He got caught out there…wanting that fast money just to live this here lifestyle. Said Phaedra know he ain’t have two copper coins to rub togetha and said that was okay. She had him. And then after two months, she hit him with that $3200 mortgage payment. Damn. Then he said he wanted a divorce. Like she gon say no. Um kneegro you is on your way to jail for a MINIMUM of 5 years. News flash…Phaedra already got them boys and GONE. I don’t fault Phaedra. She still got a couple mo good years in her and she got a fat booty. She can still get a new daddy for Mr. Vice President and Mr. Surgeon General. Time to cut her losses and move on. Let Apollo make it and just send him a check for them 10 donkey booty videos they sold.  I blame y’all for not buyin’ them DVDs and thus forcing Apollo into a life of crime. I’m thinking bout sending $5 in on his books….

This Scandal recap gon’ be quick.  I’m still reelin’ from witnessin’ the arse whoopin’ the Republicans put on the Democrats the other night.  I don’t understand the strategy of not standing with a sitting Democratic president and at least pointing out that things are better under Obama than they were under Bush.  Hayle if I had been runnin’, I woulda ran on gas prices being at the lowest they’ve been in YEARS.  But enough about politics.  We need to ride this train all up and through Shondaland.

Scandal started with a bang.  Lit’trally and fig’ratively.  Ol’ boy was sittin’ in the dark drankin’ Ciroc when Quinn showed up at his place to question him.  That gul don’t care what she do or where she go!  She wanted to know why someone had been takin’ pics of Liv.  Instead of givin’ her answers…or even makin’ her pull out some pliers, plastic and duct tape, ol’ boy put a bullet in his own head.  Now Quinn do be talkin’…a LOT..and not really saying nothin’ (i.e. she ain’t got much of a storyline without Huck or Charlie), so I get why one would want to put a bullet in they head after she start askin’ all them damn questions.  But that suicide totally caught me off guard like that openin’ scene in New Jack City when Kesha lullabies that ol’ Rastafarian.

We met Abby’s (“Red”) ex-husband tonight, and found out he used to box her all bout the face, head and clavicle.  He was almost the new senator for VA after a scandal broke with the old senator goin’ potty on tape while wearin’ a diaper, and otherwise doin’ it “for the Vine”.  But once the guy who tried to get the old Veep in as President found out what had happened (in a sick twist, he was trying to push up on Abby (“Gabby”) and get him some Red), he made sure the almost-senator was found out.  Liv’s nem job was fixin’ up the challenger to the abuser, which included a fresh weave, some of them clothes from the Limited, and quite a bit of hair removal.

With Jake from State Farm up in them people’s prison, Fitz tried to get back in Liv’s drawls.  He pretty much had phone sex with her while we watched.  I smoked two cigarettes and drank two glasses of wine while he described, in great detail, what he was gon’ do to Liv.  Somethin’ bout spreadin’ her cross the desk in the Oval Office and being in a givin’ mood.  Chile, Liv unbuttoned her own blouse and started fondlin’ her own boobs.  I thought about doin’ the same, but y’all know I ain’t got no boobs.  Damn you, Shonda!  *raisin’ fist*.  And then that thang hung up the phone like Liv had called him on a 1-900 numbah and had run out of money.  Liv fell back in the bed…and I’m sure had to get up and take a shower on the commercial break.

The fried chicken plate-havin’ Mellie was gone and the ol’ Mellie was back.  Doin’ dirt when she was s’posed to be changin’ out the White House china.  And in the meantime, exposin’ ol’ Cyrus’ eff buddy in the process.  Cyrus gon’ learn bout messin’ with them THOTs.  Ain’t neva no good come from enablin’ a THOT.  I know Cy lonely but he needs to set higher standards for himself.  James is prolly rollin’ ova in his grave, being ushered in to the pearly gates by Jake notwithstandin’.  And where they little girl at?  I ain’t seen hide nor hair of her since James died.  Damn, Damn, Damn.  Whenever a James dies, stuff on the homefront don’t neva be right.  Y’all remember what happened to the Evans fam’ly up in them people’s Cabrini Greens projects.

Liv went to see Tom in prison….which made for one of the most uncomfortable scenes on Scandal, ever. Tom is so funny-looking, like he ain’t got no eyebrows or wrinkles or somethin’.   He seemed to want to join the Jake/Fitz/Liv love triangle and make it a quadrangle.  Called Liv Helen of Troy.  Mo’ than one time.  Told her she ain’t have no daddy…she was just like him and Jake…taking orders from Command.  Matta fact, he damn near did one of Daddy Pope’s monologues and my mind started to wander.  Liv tried to get him to confess that Rowan Pope had ordered the hit against Fitz’ son but he stuck to the original story of Jake orderin’ the poisonous Epi Pen murder.

When Liv got home from them people’s maximum security prison, her daddy was waitin’ in her apartment.  First off, I ain’t know Liv was renting that place (ain’t she got enough money to buy a spot?).  Second, foke just be sittin’ up in her apartment all willy nilly, so she must have a gang of spare keys out or they pickin’ them damn flimsy locks she got.  I think her daddy was up in there with a roast on her stove.  Cookin’ and sheeit.  He let Liv know that she will not win against him and that she need to stop pickin’ Jake and Fitz nem ova him because he been protectin’ her and making sure she is safe.  I bet Rowan be tired as hayle givin’ the same monologues week after week.  But he has to understand, they be tryna listen but they minds be wanderin’ after the first 60 seconds, cuz mine does.  He should cut them slack for not rememberin’ that they ain’t s’posed to cross him.  Liv didn’t back down.  Y’all know she got tools he will NEVA have access too.  Matta fact, she was energized enough to send a message from Command to Tom (i.e. she paid off a guard to shank him), puttin’ him in ICU hooked up to all kinds of tubes and wires and machines and such.

Of course, she got a confession (somethin’bout that shankin’ made Tom let the cat out of the bag)….the  hit against Fitz’ son was ordered by Daddy Pope..oh, and Daddy Pope also ordered the hit against Harrison.  Liv took that taped confession to Fitz who was hopin’ the tape was soundtrack music so he could get Liv’s drawls.  Jake was let out of his cell and walked into a room where Liv was standing.  And Fitz.  It was VERY dramatic.  I ain’t know if they was gon’ hatch a plan or have a threesome.

Next week, they gon’ all work together to take care of Daddy Pope.  You know Rowan is not goin’ down without a fight.  They tried firin’ him last season, and we saw how that worked out.  That thang to’ up that White House and was back as Command after just a couple of weeks.  The next episode is sure to be explosive…lit’rally and fig’ratively.  I’ll be watching.

And yes, I watched How To Get Away With Murder.  I fell asleep on it though.  All that flashin’ back and whatnots be havin’ me confused.  I see Sam..but Sam is really dead.  I see the one girl he ran up in, but she dead too.  I see Annalise walkin’ all hard in a wig…and then I see her in her house with her natchal and her eyebrows washed off.  I feel like I’m takin’ a test, but my Scantron don’t match the questions.  Yes, I’m tellin’ my age.   I’m gon’ hang in there with this show though…when I don’t drift off like tonight….

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

A Facebook friend tagged me to #24 on a list of things Bougie Black People love.  The item in question was Bottomless Mimosas.  I didn’t know whether to feel insulted (was he calling me bougie?) or flattered (In the words of that ol’ sage attorney, authoress, Southern Belle and soon-to-be ex-wife of a convict, Phaedra Parks, “Everybody knows…” I loves me a good brunch with a bottomless mimosa option.  Somethin’ bout that champagne and orange juice just gives brunch a certain air of sophistication as one partakes in the requisite omelet and waffle stations.  I read a couple more of the items, and thought, before I read through the remainder of the list,  I would do a twist on it by sharing stuff bougie black women hate.  Of course, being non-bougie myself, I had to consult my bougie friends.

Now, befo’ I  go into my list, I will define “bougie”  just in case somebody who is not familiar with the language of Ebonics and “urbanspeak” and such reads this blog.  Bougie is a shortened version of the word bourgeoisie.  I consulted the People’s Encyclopedia and knower of all thangs, WikiPedia, which defines “bougie” as a word used to refer to those seen as being of an upper class.  The Urban Dictionary defines it as “anything that is perceived as “upscale” from a blue-collar point of view.”   Used in a sentence, one could say “I really wanted to try one of those new McDonald’s premium salads for lunch, but my ol’ bougie arse friend refuses to eat at any restaurant that doesn’t have real tablecloths.”

In no particular order, here’s a list of 10 things Bougie Black Women absolutely hate.  (Remember I polled 100 of my bougie black friends to compile it, so it is by no means true for all Bougie Black Women (BBW)..oh yeah, BBWs love disclaimers!)

• Non-designer jeans, bags, shoes – hayle pretty much anything without a designer label. 99 out of 100 BBWs got SOMETHING designer in their closets,( e.g. Chanel,  Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Louboutin)  and ain’t shamed of it.  Even if they ain’t got but one credit card and a folded up fi’ dollar bill in that designer purse, best believe, they got one.  Even if the Louis Vuitton strap is damn near black from wear, tear and all kinds of depreciation, they still gon’ have it on they shoulders.  Oh and REAL designer stuff…fakes need not apply!
• Speaking of Louboutins, BBWs DESPISE the name “Red Bottoms”. Nothin’ makes a BBW madder than seeing her belove-ded iconic expensive red-soleded shoes (designed by Monsieur Christian Loubotin himself) referred to as “red bottoms”.  Every good and proper BBW worth her credit sco’ got at least ONE pair.  Now, they may not WEAR them often because they usually concerned about messin’ up the red sole.  Yeah, on a shoe.  But several times a year, they will take the shoes out, admire them, post pics on social media of them, or maybe wear them, making sure the soles can be seen.  Or that they refer to them in some way like #louboutin.
• Hood Rats and Skanks – BBW do not associate with hood rats, known and unknown. BBW don’t want anybody to see them together and get the wrong idea, that they too might be a hoodrat or skank.  The Urban Dictionary defines a hoodrat as “a female who exhibits a trashy or triflin demeanor or behavior”. So if you wearing colored contacts, got several tattoos of your baby daddies’ names, dressed in skanky clothes and doin’ skanky sheeit, you can best believe a BBW will NOT befriend you.
• Randoms – In tha same vein, BBW hate “randoms”. “Randoms” are women that nobody important knows.   They hang around, looking and acting thirsty by wanting to be a part of an established group.  A BBW will be quick to tell said random ‘no you can’t sit with us’ or ‘you ain’t in the circle’ verbally or the BBW  will wear shirts and/or  throw side eyes and shade to convey the same message to said random non-verbally.
• Non-Degreed Foke – BBW hate foke that don’t have degrees. They will ask you ‘what school did you go to?’ as part of a casual, light and breezy conversation when they are getting to know you.   If you respond with “such and such high school”, they will suddenly excuse themselves.  One degree is a REQUIREMENT but for best results, be sure to have at least two and/or a certification of some sort.  The mo’ letters behind yo’ name, the betta.
• Ranch Style Houses – BBW love havin’ an upstairs and downstairs in they houses. And it doesn’t matter if they the only ones livin’ there.  They also love square footage and being able say “whew chile, I don’t feel like going downstairs to do blah, blah, blah” when they are talkin’ to their bougie friends on their Iphone 6.
• Non-Luxury Cars – BBW love having, driving and being chauffeured in luxury cars. You wanna turn off a BBW quick?  Show up to her two-story house in anything made by Ford or Kia when picking her up for a date.
• Non-Gladiators – BBW love them some Scandal, Honey. Matta fact, on any given Thursday, they can be found sitting in their well-appointed livin’ rooms or dens starin’ all up and through their big screen televisions watchin’ Fitz, Liv and Mellie nem.  You would think they work at Olivia Pope and Associates with all the tweetin’ and Facebookin’ they be doin’ bout that show.  GOD forbid the weatherman or somebody needs to break into the show with an update bout a tornado or other natural disaster.  The BBW will crucify said newsman on social media.
• Basic Buffets – BBW don’t do basic buffets like Golden Corral and Luby’s. Hell, they don’t really do ANYTHING basic, but back to the buffet-style restaurant.  They “may” go into Picadilly’s from time to time but are usually getting it to go.  Note that this comment does not apply to champagne brunch buffets at upscale restaurants and hotels.  The BBW is apparently fine with those.
• People Who Don’t Work Out or Juice – BBW love them some fitness challenges, upscale gyms, planking, and such. They also love juicing with greens (mostly kale and spinach), almond or coconut milk, wheatgrass, chia and flaxseeds.  If you don’t work out or juice (in either a Vitamix, Ninja or Nutribullet), they have no real use for you.  You may as well be dead to them.

Bougie Black Women also don’t do lunch meats (like bologna or Spam), pork, Wal-mart (unless they HAVE to go there for something), U.S. vacations (unless it’s South Beach, Vegas, LA, NYC or a Black Ski Weekend in Colorado), kitten heels (unless they got a catastrophic knee or foot injury), regular breakfast (has to be called brunch even if it IS a regular breakfast), outlet shopping (unless it’s high end stores) or White Zinfandel.  But despite this particular blog subject, I love all my bougie black friends and wouldn’t take nothin’ for ‘em.  I’m glad they love me in spite of my sophisti-ratchetness, which is obviously a word that a Bougie Black Woman came up with to feel good about herself even though she loves watching Love and Hip Hop and participatin’ in ratchetness from time to time….

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

My hands are shaking after the last fi’teen minutes of Scandal.  I feel like I need a cigarette, and I don’t even smoke!  But fo’ I get into why Shonda Rhimes done gave me a serious case of the shakes on this Halloween Eve, let me recap this burstin’ with juiciness episode.  I had to find somebody to fan me for the opening scene.  Liv was in a threesome with Jake and Fitz and I’m talmbout I had to cover my own eyes durin’ parts of it.  I woulda taken a cold shower, but I ain’t wanna miss Scandal.  Of course, she woke up from her dream cuz her damn daddy showed up.  Now, I on’t know bout y’all, but I ain’t neva had my damn daddy show up in a sex dream.  And maybe part of the reason for that is I ain’t neva had no daddy.  But still, if’n I had one, I would think it would be weird for him to show up while I’m all up in a dream lettin’ my freak flag fly.

The case this episode was the death of a past president and a past attempt on his life by a would-be assassin.  Enter his wife and the former first lady.  It was clear the past president was supposed to be Ronald Reagan because of all the parallels – attempted assassination, gunshot wound to the head while he was outside, stroke, etc. – but the wife was anything but a fake arse Nancy Reagan.  That thang cussed like a sailor, smoked and drank dirty martinis and gave Mellie a lesson on being a true first lady – she actually did all the stuff her husband received the credit for cuz her husband (the former President) was busy bangin’ the homely secretary, the plus-size chef, the maid, the personal shopper, the babysitter, and errybody else.  She actually told Mellie she would take care of the plannin’ of her husband’s State fun’ral and Mellie could go off and vaccinate fat kids or whatever else she did.  I. died.  Plus, she looked like Sophia from the Golden Girls.

Abby finally said she ain’t give an eff bout that good gubment job and asked Fitz point blank what he had done with Liv’s “other” boyfriend.  I be hollerin’ at how they all basically be callin’ Liv a common THOT.  Daddy Pope showed up right after, drankin’ that Yak with the President.  Talk about awkward for me.  Remember Fitz fired him from Command last season and then sat Daddy Pope in a chair in an ol’ nasty wifebeater in an ol’ stank garage.  He told Daddy Pope how he had been treatin’ Liv like all kindsa Thots.  But apparently, all that was forgotten as they drank and talked to each other like long-lost Besties.  Daddy Pope again played Fitz…tellin’ him not to break regarding Jake from State Farm and remindin’ him that Jake should be handled.  He also begged Fitz to let him (Daddy Pope) have Jake so he could put down his own dog.

Fitz finally relented for the woman he loves and let Liv see Jake after he showed her a kill file with all the “evidence” against Jake that Daddy Pope put together.  And that’s when the tears came, Honey.  I’m talmbout when she walked in to them foke’s prison and they put the light on Jake’s face and I saw how he had been beat up, Lawd Jesus be some ointment and some band-aids!  All I could do was moan like Big Mama at church on a First Sunday!  I’m talmbout Jake’s face had been beat so bad, I was waiting on him to say “I know what it like, wanna go somewhere and cain’t.  Wanna sang, and have it beat outcha”.  He looked like a skinnier version of Miss Sophia from The Color Purple when she told that white lady “Hell. Naw.” and got laid out in them streets with her skirt up over her head. And then, Jake pretty much said goodbye to Liv.  He didn’t let her say anything..and it was one of the saddest scenes this season.  He gave her the password to his secret bank account and told her to tell his mama bye.  I remember thinking, ‘damn, Jake ain’t gon’ get a last meal or nothing?’ cuz it seemed like a plate of that fried chicken Mellie was eating two episodes ago woulda made him feel better.  Must be hayle to be executed on an empty stomach.

And then, we found out shortly after that Fitz honored Daddy Pope’s wishes because Daddy Pope was up in them people’s holding cell talking in hushed tones to Jake, delivering one of the BEST monologues in the his’try of Scandal.  He basically told Jake he could never “take” Command cuz Command takes HIM, but not before telling Jake how he had played the President.  He told Jake, and I quote, that he had been the President’s homie, lover, friend, bestie, woman, beetch, wetnurse, ho, and THOT in getting him to trust him so he could take out Jake.  He used some other descriptive terms I don’t remember cuz y’all know he be talkin’ for 5 minutes without taking a breath.  And I done had chemo and don’t be remembering nothin’.  At that moment, I was really hoping that somehow the room was tapped and he had been taped, but no dice.  In my best Celie voice, I noted ‘Jake be dead soon’.

Olivia, obviously caught up in her own Thotty By Nature behavior with a man AND a boyfriend let the would-be assassin play her to get what he wanted, but ended up getting what she wanted from Fitz – she asked him to transfer Jake to a real prison and NOT to let her daddy kill him.  And if he did that, there was a chance they could be together.  You know Fitz be weak in the knees for Liv (she must have some GOOOOOOOOD stuff), and even more so since he ain’t been able to get none from Smelly Mellie either, so he did what she asked.  He had Jake moved to lock-up and didn’t let Daddy Pope waterboard him and leave him fuh dead in somebody’s desert like Harrison.

Liv appeared to have that same dream where she was swimmin’ and doin’ both Jake and Fitz…but this time when her daddy showed up at the pool, she checked the shoes and realized it wasn’t a dream.  Daddy Pope was actually standin’ there, in the words of Lawrence Fishburne as Ike Turner from that movie “big and bold as sheeit”.  He wanted to know what she did and for a minute, I thought he was gon’ try to drown her.  Y’all know don’t nobody cross Command.  And that’s when Liv throat-chopped ol’ Rowan.  She told him that he may be Command, but she got tools too, that he would NEVER have access to!  And then she went back to doin’ the breaststroke like that thang wasn’t still standing there.  If I hadda been there, I woulda high-fived Olivia and said “yassssss beetch yasssssss”!  Of course, after her Daddy left.  Sheeit..ain’t no sense in me gettin’ thrown in the hole.  She said THAT!  I told y’all Liv got some good stuff.  She must have that thang on a strang, Honey!  Til next time, Gladiators……

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I was tryna decide if I should go to sleep or stay up and write this Scandal recap, cuz my eyes is sho’ tired.  Plus, I’m still mad at several news stories today including the one about that White House fence jumper.  I’m still tryna figga out why he ain’t take at least two bullets to the arse behind scaling that fence and an additional one for how he did them dogs.  Did y’all see the clip?  He kicked one dog in the nose and mouth and then did a pile driver (wrestling move) on the other one.  He beat those dogs arses like THEY jumped the fence.  Still no word on exactly what Secret Service was doing, and the dogs are now in recovery.  Yes, he put them dogs in the hospital.  Two cats woulda been better protection.  But this ain’t bout those dogs….this is a Scandal recap so let’s get into it.

Jake is still locked away in a dungeon, being interrogated by somebody who must have just started working for the State Department.  Jake ain’t ate nothin’ in almost 72 days and is holdin’ up pretty well considerin’.  Flashbacks of him on the beach, standin’ in the sun, doin’ nothing AND Olivia keep his mind off food apparently.  He wants to see the President.  Hard to believe these two used to be best friends before they let a woman in a white coat and hat come between them.

There is still the storyline of somebody’s daughter getting killed and the mama being framed.  Possibly.  We see Quinn and Liv on a stake-out where they witness the shooting of another girl.  All I can really remember is the shooter had a really LOOOOONNNG gun.  The same kind the Secret Service shoulda used to light up that latest fence jumper.  More stuff happens surrounding this case, including Quinn, who got all the balls in the world now but no back molars, cutting open a dead body’s stomach and fishin’ round for keys, past due notices, old report cards and such.  Just nasty for no good reason.  Liv meets with some random where she takes off the longest gloves known to man.  I gots to get me some of them gloves.  Y’all know I’m an usher.  Hope I don’t take up too much time during church service removin’ ‘em and putting ‘em back on.

Huck is trying to see his son, and his baby mama ain’t havin’ it.  He knows the deal.  That thang ain’t paid child support in bout 10 years and wanna see somebody.  She agrees to let him see the kid, but it’s a set up and she got a doctor there waiting to talk to Huck.  Said doctor got errythang but a pistol and a straitjacket and needs both.  Huck gets mad when he realizes he can’t see his kid and chokes the doctor out.  I’m sure the doctor gon’ send a big arse bill to Huck’s babymama behind that.

Meanwhile, Olivia is acting SPRUNG and callin’ Jake every 10 minutes, leaving messages, trying to skype, sending smoke signals and looking for him with a flashlight in the daytime.  Enter Daddy Pope with a bottle of expensive wine and promises of mo’ pot roast to take her mind off Jake, who he has actually set up and framed.  Liv finally gets Huck to track his whereabouts and figgas out her ol’ boyfriend Fitz got her new boyfriend Jake.  The President goes to the dungeon to visit Jake and tricks him into eatin’ the worse lookin’ sammich I have ever seen.  I’m surprised they ain’t put poison in it.  Fitz wants him to have all his faculties and a full stomach when he signs the confession that saying he (Jake) killed the Fitz’s son.

Liv who won’t stop calling the White House lookin’ for her boyfriend.  She gets the most hang-ups in the span of fi’ minutes than most foke get all week.  Her old boyfriend hangs up on her…Abby hangs up on her…Cy…the White House gardener…the White House cook…etc.  Cyrus pays a courtesy call to her apartment where he pretty much brands her a THOT fuh havin’ two boyfriends and tells her that he plans to dance on Jake’s grave for all of the debauchery and mayhem Jake carried out including the killing of his baby mama, James.  Liv figgas out that this has her daddy’s stench all ova it and goes to confront him.  Daddy Pope starts in with the 5 minute monologue complete with inflections and Liz forgets what she went over there for and leaves.  I know she is smart enough to know when her Daddy is lying.  Pretty much whenever he is talking.

Rosen confesses to Abby that he is behind the death of that Judge and Abby goes to confront Liv who falls into her arms crying talmbout Jake done not only got all the lights turnt off at B6-13 last season, but he done also killed pretty much errybody.  Smelly drunk as helly Mellie gets into the shower with a Brillo pad and some hedge clippers to take care of some personal groomin’ after layin’ her stankin’ arse up on them people’s Oval Offices’ couches and sofas without plastic.  I’m gon’ miss the Smelly Mellie!

The episode ends with Fitz beating the crap out of Jake.  Of course, Jake is handcuffed cuz you know he is a trained killa who would take Fitz out in a heartbeat.  Jake is taunting him bout sleepin’ with his woman.  I can see why Liv had Thotty ways behind these two.  I’d stand in the sun with both of ‘em.

Lawd I hope Jake don’t get beat to death, and I hope he don’t get that lethal injection.  It doesn’t look good though.  I’m still confused by How To Get Away With Murder but I’m still watching.  If Viola Davis aka Annalise don’t get at least a Hoody behind taking off her wig, lashes and brows, I know something.  I’m also gon’ send a message to Shonda Rhimes about changin’ the Viola’s character’s name.  She don’t look like an Annalise.  More like an Annie Mae.  Welp!  I done got real sleepy so till next time.  Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark