This is gonna be quick. I’m outta town…FL to be exact. I’m attempting to blog for the first time ever from an iPhone. I’m sorta scared to commit to a bunch of words lest I lose it all. My phone been less than reliable since Steve Jobs went to be with the LORD. But this blog ain’t bout my technology or lack thereof. We bout to talk about the juiciness of this episode of RHOA and how it came to be that Apollo ended up in them people’s prison.

Season opened with NeNe in a bad weave..being full of herself..talmbout herself…  In other words, no different from last season or the season before. I was bored by her tonight. And Greg windin’ round and threatening to take off his breetches didn’t help.

We caught up with Kenya who traveled the world over the break, tryna leave that hair snatchin’ Porscha put on her behind. Porscha tugged the sheeit outta Kenya’s hairline and scalp, resulting in a recurring role for herself and a flawless mugshot photo.

Cynthia apparently had some work done over the break. Somethin’ bout her face seemed ‘off’.  She still married to Uncle Ben but ain’t succumbed to worms yet. You know old people give you worms. Peter done had yet another bidness fail as Bar One closed after the last season. He need to gon’ and retire and draw SSI cuz he sucks at business. He too old to still be failing at errythang.

Kandi and Todd are newlyweds trying to blend fam’lies since they both have girls. Errybody in the Tucker fam’ly bought to come up!  Todd’s daughter…his mama…Todd. LOL. Sheeit…I need to change my last name to Tucker.

Did I talk bout errybody?  Oh…Porscha got her a new set of tig ol’bitties!  She damn near unleashed them puppies…scratch that…full grown dogs…and her bottom for a photo shoot. She ain’t neva been that nekkid befo’. She done CHANGED!

This episode though belonged to Phaedra and Apollo. Apollo was headed to court to be sentenced. Instead of Phaedra goin’ all Tammy Wynette and standin’ by her man, she chose to flee Buckhead with Mr. President and Mr. Attorney General and head to a penthouse hotel suite in Augusta. Apollo was let down, defeated and even cried. I ain’t know thugs cried. Not a good luck for somebody bout to become the newest fish on cell block B. Pastor Regina (Phae’s mama) was around to provide prayer and support while Phaedra reiterated for the 50-11th time that she ain’t knowed NOTHING bout nothing. We met two random white people who ended up being Apollo’s brother and mama. Like Ike Turner, Mama Nida was high on them people’s narcotics and ran the streets so she was never there for Apollo. I know what it’s like to not have a mama. Wanna go somewhere and caint. Wanna sang and have it beat outcha. What?  Y’all know I love Color Purple quotes.

Apollo cried some mo’. And prayed. Lawd his hair prolly already braided in them people’s penitentiary!  That thang kinda soft.

Phaedra finally returned home where Apollo berated her and said he was basically a glorified sperm donor. He got caught out there…wanting that fast money just to live this here lifestyle. Said Phaedra know he ain’t have two copper coins to rub togetha and said that was okay. She had him. And then after two months, she hit him with that $3200 mortgage payment. Damn. Then he said he wanted a divorce. Like she gon say no. Um kneegro you is on your way to jail for a MINIMUM of 5 years. News flash…Phaedra already got them boys and GONE. I don’t fault Phaedra. She still got a couple mo good years in her and she got a fat booty. She can still get a new daddy for Mr. Vice President and Mr. Surgeon General. Time to cut her losses and move on. Let Apollo make it and just send him a check for them 10 donkey booty videos they sold.  I blame y’all for not buyin’ them DVDs and thus forcing Apollo into a life of crime. I’m thinking bout sending $5 in on his books….