So I was on vacation this past Thursday, standin’ in them people’s sun, in the Cayman Islands when this episode aired. I think I was out with my lips wrapped around them people’s oxtails and forgot what day it was and what time until the show was over. I also didn’t see How To Get Away With Murder, but with that show, I’m still in the same place I was last week when I watched it – I don’t know what the hayle is goin’ on. But back to Scandal, and not only Thank GOD It’s Thursday, but thank GOD for DVRs and shows that are on season record even when you done forgot.
So I just watched this episode, and all I wanted to do at the end was pick up a plastic bowl (for safety’s sake, no glass) and throw it on the floor while sayin’ Damn Damn Damn in my Florida Evans voice, but ‘fo I fast forward to the end, let’s talk about errythang that happened in between. I’m on them cold meds right now, so this may or may not be in chronological order on how it happened.
Episode opened with the VP leaving some speech or another he had given. Was anybody else real happy to see him? I wasn’t sure I had really seent him since Fitz dotted that eye last season. Fitz know he be beatin’ up foke and leavin’ they eyes lookin’ like Miss Sophia’s when she got knocked out on them people’s movie. Oprah played that damn role too, but I digress… I was pretty much giddy with excitement when I saw him cuz I KNEW ol’ formerly Smelly Mellie was bout to rub her a lil booty or somethin’ and at least dry grind with him with her clothes on. He stopped to shake the hands of the “help” who had been put out of the building for the speech (they don’t neva do maids and butlers right on these shows) and thank GOD he did…his car got blowed up! Yes, “blowed” up.
Ellen Degeneres’ wife was being a bitch again in her role, but somebody had bugged her phone and she was asking Olivia Pope nem to handle it. And you know Liv told her she had already handled it. Like 20 minutes before ol’ girl asked. That’s how they roll over there at OPA. Come to find out it was Cyrus because he had made the connection between Portia (y’all know I don’t be knowin’ names of foke til they been on bout fi’ episodes) and that THOT he been runnin’ round DC with. Slippin’ and slidin’ all up and through them people’s hotels to the point he had to gon’ and get that that THOT an apartment and a phone in his name. That THOT d-whipped ol’ Cyrus. Bad. Cy too smart for that. He didn’t realize he was bein’ set up til he had been Instagrammed in all kinds of compromisin’ photos. What is it with this dude Cyrus and chains and such?
Liv ended up helping him and lyin’ to Portia because Cyrus is her friend. Luckily, ‘fo Cy killed that THOT, Liv found out that the hoe in question does really care for Cyrus. I’m glad, because when he showed up at Cyrus’ house, I was like that’s one DEAD thot. Oh, they also mentioned Cyrus’ baby for the first time, and the reason we don’t see lil Ella is she can’t stand her daddy. She don’t know him from what Cy said but she can prolly sense he spendin’ her chile support money and college funds on THOTs. Crisis averted on this issue.
Smelly Mellie musta washed out that cooch, cuz chile she got butt nekkid with the Veep after findin’ out he ain’t die in that explosion. He was wearin’ a bandage over part of his chest, but that ain’t stop her from unbuttonin’ that blouse and dry grindin’. I wonder if they ate some of that good crispy fried chicken her cook be making after it was ova. I’m sure they had the munchies. Oh, I forgot, not only was the Veep breakin’ off ol’ Mels, he was also runnin’ up in Portia’s character! I was like damn..he must be takin’ them lil blue pills. His behavior has shown me that the Vice President really don’t be doin’ no kind of real work. How he gon’ have time to have TWO affairs?
Okay, I think I covered everything so I can get to the real JUICY part! The episode belonged to Daddy Pope. Captain Ballard (Jake from State Farm) was workin’ with Fitz and Liv to take down Rowan. But they needed to get those B613 files and lure him to a public place where they could put them cuffs on him. Now y’all know Rowan is a baaaaddd man. This man been killin’ foke since Scandal started and done ordered hits on errybody from the President’s son to Jake. They really thought that man was gon’ let them run up in them people’s fine restaurant and arrest him? Hello..have they MET Daddy Pope? I knew when he pushed that plate back to go into another one of them long arse monologues, the gig was up. He ain’t even TOUCH his food, and y’all know that man love him a good steak! They shoulda called them guards off then, but no…they sat there with their eyes glossed ova (including Liv who was dinin’ with him as part of the sting) listenin’ to him rattle off a 500 second speech without taking a breath. Which I can sort of forgive. When he be talkin’, sometimes I as a viewer lose focus. Be thinkin’ bout what I got to do later. What Imma cook. If I cut the stove off, etc.
The files ended up being blank. I’m talmbout that was the whitest copy paper with no words on it that I ever seen. David Rosen was foiled again! Daddy Pope ended his tirade by tellin’ Liv she was pretty much dead to him and them armed guards were too, thanks to her. Them thangs fell like Dominos as each one of them took a silent bullet to the body. Daddy Pope told Liv she thinks the world is so bad with him in it…let’s see how she fares without him. And with that, that thang strutted out them people restaurant like a modern-day Shaft. He ain’t even attempt to pay the damn check. If he hadda, I swear I would have just died right there. All that thang needed was some background music (somethin’ by James Brown) as he entered his limo, amidst all of the am-a-lanches (ambulances) and police cars and dead bodies. He got in, rolled his window down an inch so you could see his eyes, looked out and then rode off. You know ALL OF ‘EM bout to feel Rowan’s wrath in the next episode. He might be a part-time museum curator and a fake arse chef marinatin’ roasts in the finest of wines, but that thang is SMART. He was smarter than Fitz, Jake, Liv, David Rosen, and all them armed guards put together. Twice. I cain’t hardly wait for next week’s episode. I gotta give it up to Shonda Rhimes. She done got me and my life all the way together for this season of Scandal, Honey!