I can’t believe it’s almost midnight and I am tryna blog about RHOA.  My schedule has been throwed off since I went to see Fitty Shades of Grey with my white friends.  Yep, they had me out watchin’ them people’s soft porn movie.  I got a small chile and I’m hoping to get back on the Usher Board.  I cain’t be out in the streets watchin’ questionable movies.  I love my white friends though, because they came through for me in a MAJOR way when I was going through it with breast cancer, surgeries and chemo.  And they didn’t know me all that well – just from seeing me at school (at the time, our kids went to the same preschool) and ballet recitals.  I will never forget their kindness!  Now this is enough sappiness for one day and especially durin’ Black Hist’ry month.  But now you see why I was willin’ to give up my Sunday evening (and watchin’ RHOA as it unfolded) to hang out with these beautiful ladies.

Back to Fitty Shades.  I didn’t read the book, which will come as NO surprise to the friends who used to be in a book club with me.  I never read the book…just wanted to drink wine, eat, socialize and HEAR about books.  Sort of like book appreciation.  You read the book..you tell me about it..and then I say “I appreciate that”.  So, I’m not going to recap the movie or even blog about it, lest I spoil it for those foke who ain’t seen it.  Let me just say this – couldna been me in this movie.  Now, I am all for havin’ a good time when the lights go off and sometimes when they on – oh yeah, I’m WILD…but that foolishness that Mr. Grey was into would made me grab my purse and run up outta that house or at the very least, call the police.  Matta fact, I found myself talkin’ to the screen, tryna tell Anastassia like Whoopi told Demi in that movie “Molly, Girl, you in danger.  Get yo’ damn purse and get yo’ arse up outta there…don’t look back, don’t stop runnin’, don’t try to catch yo’ breath, til you get all the way home.”  But of course, she ain’t listen to me, and the movie went on for another two hours.  Go see it, but try to like find yo’ tickets on Groupon or something.  By the way, I did have a good time with the girls!

Okay, on to RHOA, cuz that’s what this blog is about.  Before I talk about how Apollo acted a plum fool tonight, I have to talk about the other parts of the show.  NeNe was missing from this episode, so not a lot to talk about – she does bring some good one-liners and a forest fulla shade to the show.  Claudia was still trying to make nice with Porsha but she did something that I wouldn’t have done.  She and Porsha work together and their boss is Rickey Smiley (comedian), and she brought him into it.  I wouldn’t have brought that drama to him – you don’t bring foolishness and beetch sheeit to your job.  I’m not sure they came together in the end, but they all did hold hands and pray and nobody got struck down by lightnin’ so that’s progress.

Kandi and Todd appear to be having a lil bit of marital strife.  I’m not sure how much of it is “real” and how much is manufactured so they can have a storyline since Mama Joyce off somewhere with her man enjoyin’ that new house Kandi done bought.  Todd got Kandi a role in a movie (it was a cute Christmas movie) so they had to go to L.A. to film.  Kandi rushes home after outta town travel, but Todd likes to stay extra days.  Kandi is worried because if you already cravin’ space and time away and you only been married six months, what’s gon’ happen for the next 30 years y’all together?  Who am I kidding?  The next 2 years y’all together.  I’m hoping for the best for those two..but preparing for the worst.  Kandi said they havin’ sex once a week.  That’s a 15 year marriage sex schedule…not newlywed!  I’m hoping they were just doing this for the show..and they are doing just fine.  They might wanna get off the show though because these reality and Housewives shows ain’t good on a marriage.

Kenya was still trying to produce her show/movie.  She had some auditions on tonight’s episode.  Cynthia auditioned for the Jamaican hairstylist role and was dressed the part.  Her fake Jamaican accent was all bad though.  And the wig and makeup were….tragic.  She got the role though….like she was ever NOT going to get the part.  Leon got a part as well.  I would be right up in court gettin’ my coins for Noel (their daughter together).

And now for the DRAMA – Apollo apparently went through Phae Phae’s phone and found texts from her to some African dude named Mr. Chocolate.  Bay Bay…African dudes must really be checkin’ for women in Atlanta cuz erry episode somebody got one.  They are the newest accessory.  Apollo confronted her and told her he could snap and do somethin’ bad based on her cheating (cuz yeah that’s what criminals do) and ended up going with Peter.  Peter saw the texts..and we did too (he held up the printed copies and there was a photo of Phaedra sippin’ on a drank).  Apparently, she was tellin’ Chocolate that she was drinkin’ champagne, it makes her do naughty things, she likes to be spanked, she was on the countdown to be off the plantation (Apollo goin’ to jail), etc.  Yasss Honey!  She was making all kindsa plans.

I don’t know what Apollo was thinking.  Yes, Phaedra is wrong if it’s true.  BUT Apollo actin’ like he ain’t on his way back to prison for almost a decade.  Mr. Secretary of State will be a teenager when he gets out of jail if he does all that time.  Does he really thing Phaedra supposed to wait on him?  Um, okay.  She best move on..and he needs to concentrate on fightin’ for his conebread and not droppin’ the soap.

He was supposed to turn himself in to the feds, but instead, he came back to the house where he found Phaedra gettin’ the locks changed; the garage door recoded; his clothes packed up; his fingerprints washed off errythang, etc.  Apollo was 38 hot Honey!  He talked crazy to Phaedra and went in the house and got a drill.  I just knew he was gon’ use it on Phaedra cuz he ran up on her with it in the garage.  Phaedra was really patient..cuz I woulda called the cops as soon as he turned on my street in that car he obviously stole from somebody.  You don’t fight crazy.  That thang ain’t got nothin’ to lose and what’s a few mo’ years in them people’s prison?  He has proven he don’t care bout doin’ time.  Luckily, his friend Bun came and talked him into leaving finally.

Next week, the Chocolate hits the fan when Cynthia and Kenya confront Phae Phae bout her affair and whatnots.  The always calm Southern Bellish Phae Phae loses her cool and pops off on Kenya.  I can’t wait to see what happens…

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Ooooh Annalise..what a tangle-ded web we done weaved!  I got my whole life behind How To Get Away With Murder tonight!  Whew Wee!  Even with that dark arse set where I can’t see nothin’ but the whites of foke eyes, I was able to get my whole life from birth to middle age.

Sam’s sister was still in town, stirrin’ up sheeit, and now the police had found the body.  I was so confused.  How do you dispose of a body but it’s been found?  All of them damn law students should get Fs.  They have taught me the #1 way to get away with murder:  Don’t have a gang of people involved!  Cuz that is just too many foke that will turn state’s evidence on yo’ arse to keep from going down.

The police arrived at Annalise’s doorstep to tell her (and her meddlin’ nosey arse sister-in-law) that they had confirmed through tissue samples that the body that was found out in the woods was indeed Sam’s.  Annalise was emotionless as usual, while the sister-in-law broke down. I wondered to myself if Annalise had ever seen an episode of Snapped or 48 Hours.  You supposed to fall out on the flo’ hollerin’ if they ever find your husband dead because you will likely be the prime suspect.  Annalise askin’ all kindsa questions and sheeit like she talmbout a corpse that ain’t her husband.  Y’all know the sister-in-law gained enough composure to tell them cops that Annalise did it and they should arrest her.  She figured out they needed probable cause to search the house, and of course, she gave it to ’em by telling them that she witnessed Annalise threatenin’ to kill Sam.

They searched Annalise’s house, and in another illustration of how NOT to get away with murder, all them damn law school students came over while the search was going on.  I just knew they were gon’ find a drop of blood or something.  They sprayed Luminol and errythang and NOTHING glowed.  They did find the scales to that justice paperweight but the DA (?) (the blond haired white lady) played it off even though she was lookin’ at Annalise sideways.  They didn’t find anything, but that didn’t stop them damn law school kids from freaking out.  They were all starting to come undone especially the black girl who left her ring at that bonfire they tossed Sam’s arse in.

She discovered they found the ring and started havin’ fits.  What she didn’t know what that in the meantime, Annalise had called over Nate, her boyfriend because she needed him.  He had a drink with her and she had somebody lift the fingerprints off his glass, place it on one of her rings and then planted it at the site where they found the body.  Oooh..Annalise was an ol’ dirty bee tonight, Honey!  When we met Nate, he was givin’ her…um…er..’gifts’ and such on top of her desk.  I thought she really loved that man.  Put that man’s marriage and career in jeopardy even ‘fo this happened, and STILL decided to frame him tonight.

You know what happened next.  The cops showed up at Nate’s door (Nate is an ex-detective) and arrested him for the murder of Sam Keating.  The law school students all breathed a collective sigh of relief.  They would live to fall apart another day.  For today, an innocent Black man was bout to take the fall for what they had done.  The next time we saw Nate…he had on one of them orange jumpsuits with the numbers on the back.  I wish Shonda had let this happen in March and not during Black Hist’ry month.  Vivica done already quit Celeb Apprentice this week, AND Bey done sang one of our finest kneegro spirituals like Pat Boone would have.

He didn’t say anything when they arrested him..just smiled.  Like Denzel did as Malcolm X when them Muslims said to get them people’s hands out they pocket and shot him.

Annalise’s sister-in-law was still mad.  She said that Nate had kilt her brother Sam because of Annalise.  That Annalise had pulled Sam down into the gutter with her.  But not before Annalise told her to stop obsessin’ over her brother.  That “incest with a brother is best” or some sheeit.  Bay Bay…I hollered and died.  Oh and that lil blond-haired white lady done figga’d sheeit out.  Annalise needs to come clean is what she told her..and not let those law school students destroy her.  Annalise called her damn mama after that.  Cicely Tyson takes on the task of Mama in the next episode.

Can’t wait to see what happens next week. I wonder if Annalise is going to defend her boo.  I guess that’s one way you can stay workin’ as a defense attorney.  Frame foke and then represent ’em…

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

When Shonda puts out a warning, you best believe it’s the truth, Ruth.  I knew this show was gon’ have all kinds of blood and gore when that violence warnin’ flashed on my screen.  I was like damn…is Mama Pope gon’ chew through her wrists again? Somebody else’s damn wrists?  I thought Liv had killed one of them captors, but apparently he made it.  I just knew he was dead they way she clocked him with that damn pipe.  Or in a coma in somebody’s hospital.  That thang had a helluva headache when he woke up I’m sure.  I’m mentioning him because he was back with a cut on his fo’ head and working with the “real” captor, who had made a deal with Liv.  Well, there is no honor among thieves, so it wasn’t long before the cut fo’headed captor had shot and kilt the “good” (?) captor.  Apparently he didn’t want to split the money fo’ ways no mo’.  That put Liv and the entire auction in jeopardy, and I ain’t talmbout the show with Alex Trebeck nem.

Meanwhile, at the White House, Fitz was still goin’ crazy over his beloved kidnapped Liv.  He was tryna his best to figure out how to get into the auction without compromising federal security.  The VP thought he was still callin’ the shots until he talked to Liv’s captors and the captor told him the deal was off.  And with that, the Veep was steady tryna talk and got a dial tone.  He too dumb to be the damn VP.  I was wishin’ Fitz and Mellie took turns closin’ up his both his damn eyes with they fists.  He seemed to be campaignin’ for an arse whoopin’ and I wanted him to win the election.  They did try to fiyah the VP but he ain’t got nothin’ to lose so he threatened to go public with how he done ran up in Mellie erry chance he got, startin’ back when Fitz was the governor.  Or was he a senator?  You know Mellie wasn’t havin’ that, cuz she wants to be president.  So they had to let that slithery Veep make it.

The Gladiators figured out that they couldn’t get into to the bidding without being invited.  Did I tell y’all how Huck done stole B613’s old bank accounts?  Talmbout it was back pay for all that time spent in the hole.  I hollered when Quinn said she ain’t have no money on the auction because she owed Sallie Mae all them student loans.  I’m like damn…Huck got 2 billion dollars and cain’t pay off Quinn’s loans?  Or buy her some tooth implants seein’ as he snatched out all her back molars?  And I’m sure that thang ain’t paid a lick of back chile suppote for that decade he went missin’ from his son’s life.  I hope that lady take him to court!

Who did the Gladiators go to for help with the auction?  None other than Mama Pope.   Cuz you know Daddy Pope still MIA.  Yes, they went to them people’s prison, along with David Rosen, and drug Mama Pope outta her cell.  Y’all know how she be lookin’ behind that table in that orange jumpsuit.  Of course, since she was gonna help them, she made a few demands.  Errythang she asked fuh, David Rosen denied.  I hollered.  I’m talmbout from “lie-berry” books to a yard with fresh grass and flowers to a cell with cellmates that she could talk to, argue and braid hair with.  And then Quinn offered her a tv.  OUTSIDE of her cell with access to the remote and basic cable, and just like that, Mama Pope was helpin’ ’em.  Bay Bay I SCREAMED.  They coulda at least gave her HBO!  How you go from askin’ for a busload of sheeit and settlin’ on a damn tv OUTSIDE of your cell?  I guess that solitary confinement and them people’s hole done got to Mama Pope, Chile.  They coulda at least thrown in some crab legs or lobster or something.

She told them how to get to the person that could help them and let Jake know that Huck needed to handle the meeting.  Once inside, she told Huck the real deal (after David Rosen had stepped outside) – he was going to have to prove his loyalty to this guy by killin’ some foke.  Huck did that and more by creatin’ a crime scene out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, without the chainsaw.  I’m talmbout I ain’t seen that much blood since they poured that bucket of blood ova Carrie in that movie.  And then he was bout to cut they heads off when Jake came in.  Jake told him to go clean up (Huck had so much of them people’s blood coverin’ him, it was seepin’ up through his own pores, so how exactly do you clean that up?  In the shower?  With a water hose in the yard?  Set yo’ bloody clothes on fiyah and jump in the river?) and he would take it from there and then you see Jake a’ sawin’.  Lawd!  I know Imma have nightmares behind that.

Cyrus caught Portia De Rossi tryna skip town.  Remember Huck had already ran a grater over her damn back last episode, so she was tryna get the hayle out of dodge.  Cy told her she had to help him bring down her boyfriend (yes, errybody used to go with the Veep), lest she end up in prison.  In other words, she was gon’ be his beetch or somebody else’s.

Liv tried to get the two computer hacker guys who were conducting the auction to overthrow the mean captor, but I guess they decided against it.  They talked a good game for about 60 seconds.  Liv ended up being sold off to Iran.  The guy was like beetch, you done hit me in the head with a metal pipe and I ain’t wake up for two days…of course, I am sellin’ yo’ Black arse to Iran.

I can’t wait til next week’s show.  We will find out who purchased Liv.  For some reason, I think it’s her daddy.  He already told her she was gon’ miss him when he was gone.  And he told her them lil white boys she had weren’t going to save her and how he spent his whole life protecting her.  Lawd, I hope he ain’t divert none of Huck’s funds.  Cuz we know that Huck ain’t wrapped too tight.  Damn you Shonda Rhimes…you done snatched my life, my whole Thursday and all my damn edges!  Again.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

Tonight, Empire opened with Lucious inviting Cookie to what she thought was a romantic dinner for the two of them.  It turned out to be a family dinner where he announced he had asked Anika aka Boo Boo Kitty to be his wife.  Anika flashed that gorgeous boulder on her finger and said it was the same ring Richard Burton gave to Elizabeth Taylor.  And we saw how that worked out in the end, even though I think Liz married Dick (pun intended) and divorced him more than one time.  Good ol’ Liz Taylor.  That thang had mo’ husbands than a lil bit wearin’ that ol’ White Diamonds, the scent of older people in the 80s.  Is anybody still wearing White Diamonds?  I should take a poll.

Cookie was hot like cayenne pepper behind the announcement.  She thought she was bout to get her some, wearin’ that bad arse sable fur coat and some fancy lingerie with all kinds of garter belts and thigh highs and thongs underneath.  And how do I know that you asked?  Cuz she stood up after the engagement announcement and showed her natchal arse to errybody in that room, and pointed out her natchal arse to Boo Boo Kitty, showin’ Anika what a real arse looks like.  My husband pretended to be a little too interested in the dialogue, lookin’ at Cookie’s booty without blinkin’.  It’s bout to be Valentine’s Day but I swear we will be separated behind him starin’ at Cookie’s arse.  I can’t compete with her up top for obvious reasons, but I can damn sure compete on the bottom.  He betta recognize and get his life for I get it.

Poor Cookie.  I wanted her to get her a lil somethin’.  She been locked up in them people jail for 17 years.  Damn near rot to death.  Knew what it was like to wanna go’ somewhere and couldn’t.  Wanted to sang and had it beat out her.  If Lucious had taken care of business, the white foke neva woulda got her.  Y’all know I love Color Purple references and since it’s Black Hist’ry month, I had to slide that right on in.  I think it’s just a matter of time fo’ Lucious take another bite of the Cookie.

Jamal was still blowin’ up behind that song.  Cookie helped him along by getting a famous football player to Tweet about it from the club.  She also tried to tell his girlfriend, Dora, that he needed to move along because fame changes foke.  And no matta how many stewed chickens he make, Jamal might still leave him after he gets on.  I felt bad for ol’ Dora.  Jamal did an interview and ain’t even claim him.  I wanted him to pack up his backpack like the “real” Dora and find “the map” to get the hayle outta dodge.  You ain’t got to miss claimin’ me but one time befo’ I tear up your apartment and bleach all your clothes and ride out.

Malik Yoba (too lazy to look up the character name..y’all know how I do) found out that Lucious kilt Bunky.  And instead of gettin’ lotion for them ashy arse hands and some lip chap for them chap-ted lips, he found somebody he could pay off to take the fall for Lucious.  It couldn’t be me.  I ain’t gon’ be all up in prison doin’ time and fightin’ to keep my conebread ova some sheeit you done did.  I guess ol’ boy musta been a lifetime criminal with a gang of chile suppote payments like Matthew Knowles cuz he got that story together quick on how he kilt Bunky.  He just wanted to make sure his family would get paid and be straight after he got fitted for that orange jumpsuit.

Hakeem put out another song.  Or was it the same song?  All the sheeit he does sounds the same.  I get tired of his disrespectful arse.  He is soooo mean to Cookie and she gave that thang life.  She really did allow him to get his life in every sense of the word.  When he told his mama he wasn’t talkin’ to her and called her by her first name, I was just waitin’ for her to pull out another broom handle to beat the brakes and the wheels off that Hakeem.  Maybe next week.

Courtney Love was this week’s artist, playing a difficult drugged-out diva.  She was so convincin’, I was thinking it wasn’t an act.  In a scene that I thought would rival the one in HTGAWM (Annalise), Courtney snatched off her lashes, rubbed off her lips and brows, and removed several questionable clip-ins.  I ended up saying “awwwwwww” cuz whereas Annalise’s moment of baring all was triumphant, Courtney’s was just tragic.  Cookie kept the record label from dropping Courtney by agreeing to manage her and bring Courtney back to where she was in her heyday.

Andre was still being Andre.  That lil white woman was still runnin’ him, but didn’t pull out the bib for this show.  Malik Yoba choked Andre out for givin’ his daddy an alibi, and then later apologized:  “I’m sorry for chokin’ you out”.  I SCREAMED.  That was some hilarious sheeit.  I apologize for cuttin’ off yo’ air supply and puttin’ yo’ arse in a figga fo’ bout the neck.  The lil boy who played Puffy from Notorious was in the episode tonight too.  I love that Empire got ERRYBODY working.  I was waitin’ for him to dance around in a circle like Puffy sayin’ “take that…take that…”.

How bout I forgot to talk about Raven Symone’s character and had to come back and edit?  Thanks Karen for the reminder!  This ol’ age is catching up with me.  So at the end, the Lyons family (including Cookie) are all walking out (maybe it’s the end of the work day…maybe they all down in the lobby for a fire drill…that wasn’t really explained) and there’s a lady (can’t see her face yet) asking to see Lucious and Jamal nem and makin’ a scene.  I’ll be damned if it ain’t Raven Symone, and she got a kid with her.  Now I figga’d there was gon’ be some type of Maury paternity you ARE the father type foolishness involvin’ Lucious and possibly a choreographed dance routine after the DNA results are made public.  Cuz we know how he like to get down with the lightskinded younguns.  And I was correct, ‘ceptin’ that the baby is supposably Jamal’s.  Insert clutching my heart like Fred Sanford AND my invisible pearls!  You mean to tell me the same Jamal that likes boy coochie done laid down with this gul and possibly got her pregnant?  You is lyin’ to me!  I can’t wait to see how this ends.  Well, that’s it for tonight’s recap – I’m sleepy!  Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

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Yeah, that title is exactly how I feel.  It’s been a while since these episodes filmed, so thankfully, Apollo is already serving his sentence.  Cause they are draggin’ this thang out for the ENTIRE season.  And I ain’t hardly mad at Bravo.  The storylines this season are as scarce as a 40 year old virgin and as dry as dust.  I just watched tonight because I was too lazy to change the channel.  Claudia Jordan is good for the show, but even her one-liners can’t save me from yawning and being bored.

Kandi’s tour showcasin’ that lil high school musical and play (A Mother’s Love) she put together got cancelled due to — get this– low ticket sales.  See, if’n Kandi was my FB friend or even read this blog, she would have KNOWN not to take that show on the road.  We only watched what we saw of it because we were FORCED into it by Bravo.  Nobody wanted to see her and Todd’s lil relationship with her mean arse Mama, Miss Joyce, play out on a stage, and damn sure wasn’t gon’ pay for it.  Now, I ain’t gon’ lie.  I mighta gone to the play just to see Eddie Levert and that lady who sang As We Lay.  Lawd, As We Lay used to be my JAM back in the day but I digress.  BUT the tickets woulda needed to be free or two for one.  I’m sorry Kandi…I love you..you are an EXCELLENT business woman…but nobody cares bout you, Todd, Mama Joyce, Riley, Aunt Bertha and nem like that.  Let this be a lesson.  Don’t be tryna branch out to doin’ plays.  Leave that to the Tyler Perrys of the world.

Rickey Smiley and Dish Nation and nem threw a bash for Porsha, welcoming her to the show.  She is actually good on Dish Nation since most of the topics are limited to current pop culture/events.  As long as they don’t have a Black History show or event with her in speaking role, she will be good in this role.  Claudia decided she was attending even though she came for Porsha on that bus when they were in Puerto Rico.  Talmbout Porsha datin’ the Prince of Zamunda, and the Prince married, and Porsha dry grindin’ with him for all kinds of handbags and cars.  I ain’t mad at Porsha.  It ain’t trickin’ if you got it. Plus, who buying that Naked hair line sheeit she done produced?  Raise yo’ hand if you done bought a bag.  Exactly.  Derek J came to fit Claudia for a wig for the party, and you know he had on some them tight fittin’ pumps ova them fat flat arse feet he got.  Them thangs looked like stuffed sausages in them shoes.

At the party, Claudia tried to talk to Porsha but Porsha wasn’t havin’ it.  They exchanged words and it was over.  Was it wrong that I wanted them to fight just a lil bit?  They both did the right thing though – don’t bring crazy to your job.  Rickey Smiley (their boss) was there.  It’s just like they say about sleepin’ with foke at the job – don’t lay yo’ meat where you make yo’ bread.  Same thang.

Kenya met with Roger Bobb.  Yes, apparently you gotta say his whole name together like that.  I get sooo tired when they say Roger Bobb a lot, and tonight was no exception, ‘ceptin’ it was Kenya.  She pitched a movie to him and I hope she was being funny.  Cuz if not, with the storyline she was tryna sell, I can see why her career as an actor/director/producer stalled.  And that is no shade, cuz y’all know I cut for Miss College Park Kenya Moore.  Y’all know I demoted her and pushed her crown to one side since she done got on RHOA.  I was starting to wonder if this was ruinin’ her brand and her legacy, but she did just appear on Celebrity Apprentice, so maybe it will be good for her.  I hope she is able to parlay it into something that will give her even more success.  Roger Bobb decided he ain’t have time for Miss USA and her twirl-nanigans so she had to call her ol’ faithful, Brandon.  Y’all remember Brandon?  He was her lil friend that got the brakes and the tires beat off him by Apollo at Nene’s ol’ raggely party.

And finally, we get to the meat of this episode – Apollo and Phae Phae’s drama.  Apollo went to an attorney to talk about visitation with his kids in prison and to see if Phae had filed for divorce (she hadn’t).  And you know he went to see that same ol’ attorney that errybody done used – Greg, NeNe, Kandi, Todd, Mama Joyce, Riley, Aunt Bertha, Porsha, Kordell, Peter, Cynthia, Cynthia mama, etc.  Damn, does Atlanta not have any other divorce attorneys?  They also showed Phaedra talmbout Apollo and how she is fearing for her life.  Said that that thang had punched holes in all the walls upstairs and errythang.  And I was thinking ‘and you still staying in that house with him?’  Phaedra must have a lot of book sense, cuz she damn sure ain’t got no common sense.  Apollo is a CRIMINAL.  A criminal with a CONVICTION who is headed back to PRISON.  For almost a decade.  We will change Presidents twice while he locked up in them people’s pen.  In other words, he ain’t got NOTHING to lose!  You don’t hang around foke like that…cuz like yo mama said, if he does decide to kill you and injure Mr. President and Mr. Secretary of The Treasury, that is just mo’ time added to the time he already GOT.  I am surprised she is still up in that house.  Bay Bay…I would be in Barbados…or Cabo somewhere livin’ under an assumed name with Mr. President and Mr. Ambassador to the Caribbean.  I would come back after that kneegro was safely in prison.

She met with Quad and her hubby (Married to Medicine) so the hubby could give her some advice on what to do about their sons.  Should she take them to prison and let them put they lil hands up to the glass to Apollo’s hands and let them pick up that germ-filled phone that errybody uses to talk to him?  What does she tell them?  Friends have said she should say Apollo’s in camp…yeah, he in camp alright.  Prison camp.  Ol’ dude gave her a decent answer (for him to be a surgeon and not a licensed therapist but I digress) – tell him he broke an adult law and he is an adult time-out.  Definitely something the boys can understand.  And don’t keep them kids from him – they will resent her for that later.  And I’m with that ol’ raggely attorney when he said when you marry somebody with the kinda past Apollo had, fresh outta prison, you have to wonder if they will go back.  She thought about it and took a risk to have two babies with this man in rapid succession like she feared her eggs spoilin’ or something, so she gets what she gets.  52% of prisoners return to prison after they get out.  I just googled that.  Phaedra is a DEFENSE attorney so she HAD to know what she was getting into.  I still feel sorry for those boys though.  One of these days, Imma write Apollo a letter AND send him some squares or a couple dollars for prison commissary.  I’ll let y’all know if he writes back.  Lawd knows, he got TIME to write back.  

Of course, Olivia was still held captive in tonight’s episode of Scandal.  I say of course because naturally they would decide to let her wear an ol’ ratty arse sleepshirt for most of this season because I done went to the Limited and bought that damn Scandal knockoff coat.  Thinkin’ Imma see Liv in hers so I can put mine on and feel like a Gladiator.  Instead, I wore mine earlier today and foke was saying “oh that looks like an Olivia Pope coat from last season”.  *side eye*  Imma give Shonda one mo’ episode to put Liv back into some designer gear or this coat is goin’ back.  And if’n they refuse to take it, Imma act a damn fool.  It’s Black History month, so all I gotta do is throw out a few choice words – litigation, racial discrimination, lawsuits, Al Sharpton.

The Vice President was on the scene tonight acting, in the words of Lawrence Fishburne as Ike Turner when he rolled up on Anna Mae in them people’s dressing room in that movie, big and bold as sheeit.  That thang was acting real bad for somebody that had gotten his eye dotted and closed up like Ol’ Miss Sophia’s by Fitz.  I guess it wasn’t good enough that he still got to be around after the fact…and he ran up in Mellie whenever he got ready…nah..he had to go and get Olivia took.  Fitz shoulda dotted that other eye.

The kidnapper had Olivia make a video where she had to read a statement about being held hostage.  And also saying Fitz nem had 48 hours to declare war on Angola or she would die.  Well, y’all know Fitz is WHIPPED so you can guess what happened next.  That thang held a press conference in shote order and declared WAR.  Damn…Olivia must got some good stuff to make a President send troops into a war.  I knew it was powerful and could make a white man dance (see Jake) but I ain’t know she really had that THANG like that!  Liv drank water in the video trying to give a clue to the Gladiators – they could see his face in the reflection of the bottom of the glass.  Gon Girl!  Get yo’self rescued!  It ain’t work out though.

Huck went to Portia De Rossi’s house (y’all will remember that she is also doin’ the Veep) to try to get information, and it made for one of the scariest scenes ever.  He threatened to cut open that lady’s lil girl and make her watch.  I shuddered.  Y’all know I got a little girl.  I woulda found Huck the next day and duct taped and drilled his arse!  I was really thinking that if Shonda Rhimes had let somethin’ happen to that lil girl, I was gon’ fly to California and picket outside her damn house!  Y’all know I love the kids!

Portia went to her boyfriend (the Veep) and he told her she needed to get on board.  Meanwhile, Fitz Secret Service had been replaced by the Veep’s goons.  How yo’ Secret Service people gon’ be takin’ orders from somebody that reports to you?  I felt sorry for Fitz cuz they ain’t care nothin’ bout him being secure just like President O’s Secret Service when they let all them randoms jump the gates to the White House.  Even the damn Secret Service dogs got wrestled to the ground and left they posts, but I digress.  I don’t know why Portia thought she was safe…don’t she know Huck is a trained killa?  So of course, Huck was back in her daughter’s room with his toolbox when she returned that night.  Her locks must be as flimsy as Olivia’s.  Huck missed the memo and instead of blowin’ Portia De Rossi’s back out, he scratched that thang’s back up with all kindsa drills and tools.  That thang’s back looked like Django’s in that movie.  It looked painful and like she needed a skin graft, antibiotics and pain pills.

That must have gotten through to her cuz she went to Mellie for help.  Mellie slept with the Veep and put his arse to sleep (it rhymes!) and then stole his phones.  Portia De Rossi limped into OPA and gave them the phones to stop them damn late night visits from Huck and his toolbox.  The Gladiators thought they had found Olivia by trackin’ the Veep’s phones, but alas, it was a set up.  Jake (who had been recruited by Fitz to find Olivia cuz he had them eyes on him and couldn’t do it) had David Rosen call for a drug raid in the suspected warehouse in PA, but nobody was there.

Meanwhile, Marla Gibbs stopped cleanin’ up at George Jefferson’s nem and left Sondra on the stoop at her apartment at 227 long enough to run up in OPA looking for ‘the black lady’ (Olivia).  She needed help locating her friend…who was Olivia’s neighbor (Dionne Warwick).  They rushed to that lady’s apartment and found Liv’s ring so they knew she had been there.  They also found the internet connection, thus identifying the kidnapper.  Checkmate.

Olivia somehow talked her kidnapper into selling her on the open market, and cleaning her up, and bringing her an orange cream popsicle.  That girl got that THANG and a mouthpiece..she can talk anybody into anythang!  And that’s how it ended – Fitz got to say hello to her and learned she would be auctioned off to the highest bidder.  I can see him pulling together all kindsa coins and his kids college funds and even printing money at the Federal Reserve bank to buy back Olivia.  I done told y’all Olivia got that thang…..

Oh I forgot to mention Fitz went to see Tom, his old Secret Service man.  Tom wanted a pardon after he done injected that man’s son with all kindsa live viruses.  I wish they would just kill Tom off.  I don’t trust foke whose eyebrows are the same color as they skin.

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I really want to give the title of this postin’ to somebody else, but so far, Cookie is THAT character on Empire.  She is the QUEEN of one-liners (tonight’s gems were “Dead Beetch Walkin'”, ‘The Name is Cookie…Ask About Me…”, and “If You Had It, You Wouldn’t Have To Fix It”); and the QUEEN of rollin’ up in Lucious’ nem house and board rooms uninvited and unannounced.  Tonight, however, she was too busy runnin’ from the drug dealer and murderer she snitched on (unbeknownst to her cuz it’s clear when she finds out she been duped by that FBI agent, that she follows the street mantra of ‘snitches get stitches….or buckshots to they britches’) to show up anywhere pretty much.  We did get to see the nice lil apartment she livin’ in because I was beginnin’ to believe she was actually homeless and stayed between Jamal’s apartment and Lucious’ mansion. You know she feel like that house half hers anyway.

Lucious realized it was cuffin’ season and proposed to Boo Boo Kitty (Anika) with a diamond that looked like a damn boulder.  And then he told her they had to keep it a secret.  He must not know women.  When we get engaged, we tellin’ ERRYBODY (we Facebookin’, Instagrammin’, Doin’ It For Tha Vine and errythang else).  We met her parents tonight – she is definitely a debutante, the daughter of a White Doctor and a Black socialite who probably spends most of her days givin’ that man’s money to charity and shopping.  Of course, she thinks her daughter is too good for Lucious and Dr Daddy feels the same, callin’ him a thug once he figures out Lucious wants him to commit fraud (sign off that he is medically qualified for a keyman life insurance policy).  After he reminds Daddy Dearest that after he dies, Anika will become an instant billionaire, the doc changes his tune and agrees to do it.  I guess he tired of payin’ Anika’s car note and payin’ for her shoes and purses and sheeit.

I’m not here for the storyline that pits brother against brother, but Empire is working this Cain and Abel foolishness.  Tonight, the older brother (who is being RAN by that white woman – that thang knew what she was doin’ with that bib and that knife and fork the other show cuz the oldest brother don’t make a move without her pullin’ the strangs as puppetmaster) did a couple of dirty thangs – he filmed Hakeem’s woman gettin’ it on with HER woman and he sent Hakeem’s thuggish friends to rob Jamal.  Yes, you read that first part right.  Hakeem’s woman got a woman.  I guess that is why she ain’t trip when she opened up that doe last week, and saw Naomi Campbell gettin’ all soaped up in the tub with Hakeem.  I knew she was wayyy too calm because she was s’posed to break some plates, cut up or bleach some clothes and pretty much tear that damn apartment up behind that.  And in Empire’s spirit of diversity, not only is ol’ girl carpet munchin’..she got her a lil white woman.  And naw…I don’t know which one is the man in the relationship.

The robbery didn’t work out cuz Hakeem’s lil friend was recognized by Jamal AND his gun was smaller than the assault rifle the owner of the studio had in his possession. I hollered when he said they could make that meeting a misunderstanding (or similar) or a homicide….it was their choice.  LOL!

Cookie thought the guy she’d dropped the dime on had put a hit out on her so she was gon’ make sure she got him ‘fo he got her.  She enlisted the help of her sister (Tasha Smith) in pullin’ it off.  Someone left a rose at her apartment door (that was the criminal’s calling card) and Cookie just knew she had heard Whoopi’s voice saying “Molly…You In Danger Girl”.  After greasin’ somebody’s palms to get rid of ol’ dude, she realized that Lucious left that rose at her door, in honor of their anniversary.  She tried to call and stop the hit, but it was too late.  She’d given that man 5K and he had given the would-be hitman bullets all bout the head and chest.  Rolled up on dude at  red light.  I bet he wished he had just run it.

I’m tryna understand how Lucious gon’ weigh down Anika’s hand with that flawless rock and then go to Cookie’s apartment with that rose and to reminisce right after.  He gon’ end up getting caught with his hand in the Cookie jar.  I think I might tell the people at my job that my name is Sheila…and they betta ask about me.  I’ll let y’all know if I am still employed tomar.

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Bay Bay…if you ain’t see Celebrity Apprentice tonight…you missed it!  It was World War 4 through 16 up in that thang!  Whew Chile….I knew it was gon’ be fireworks just like Katy Perry was sangin’ bout with them sharks and Lenny Kravitz and Missy and nem.  The episode started out promising…I was like oh, Kenya and Vivica makin’ up after that episode last week where Kenya mentioned Viv havin’ plastic surgery…and then Viv sayin’ that Kenya was sittin’ ova there on a fake booty AND 7 packs of lashes.  Kenya stepped up and asked if they could ‘reset’ with a clean slate.  Y’all know Viv said alright..we can do that to Kenya but in the confessional, she stared dead into them cameras and told us she was still watchin’ Kenya with her one “good eye”.  In other words, she wasn’t trustin’ nothin’ Kenya was tryna say cuz she felt like Kenya would smile in her face and cut her throat without interruptin’ said smile.

The task was creating a new marketing program for King Hawaiian’s rolls and buns and such.  I know I ain’t sposed to be eatin’ carbs, but Lawd Jesus..them sweet rolls give me all kindsa life (and unwanted calories and pounds).  But they sho’ do taste good goin’ down.  You can tell I’m a real “foodie” with fat gul tendencies cuz I done got off on them people’s sweet rolls and done forgot I was bloggin’ for a minute.  Anyway, blah blah blah…etc. and so forth, and Vortex (Kenya, Viv and Juh-raldo) lost.

The marketing campaign was all Kenya and centered around real buns (aka backsides and booties) to sell them people’s sweet rolls.  Juh-raldo was all in as he sang the praises of Kenya’s hindparts.  Vivica was left holding Kenya’s coat and purse and whatnots.  At one point, Viv was gon’ be in the photo with one of the ‘street’ models and Kenya told her she wanted “thin” in the photo.  Yes, ma’am…SHADE.  Everytime Vivica tried to do more, Kenya would tell her to clean up or go get coffee or lunch, all the while praisin’ Juh-raldo’s ol’ relic arse.  Kenya knew her arse (or as Vivica putted “lopsided booty on trend” *snicker*) was on the line so she told us in the confessional that she was gon’ throw Viv under the bus…pick the bus up and throw it on top of Viv and then get in it and drive it over Viv.  Repeatedly.  Ouch.

Kenya started goin’ in on Viv…even after acknowledging that the idea to feature her and other backsides in the ad was her idea.  Viv was havin’ none of it.  Her “good eye” went to twitchin’ and that was all folks.  “That’s a dirty ass bitch. She has toxic tendencies. You are just a toxic trick,” Vivica fired back at Kenya.

“Oh my God, really? This is not the ghetto. Don’t take it there,” Kenya fired back.

“You’re there, honey. That’s the only place you can be prevalent in, honey,” Vivica advised. “Baby, I’m an international star. You’re a ghetto star. Don’t do that.”  You know I hollered..and then quietly…laid down and died.  And then somehow, I was revived and heard Kenya start talmbout how Vivica has been up and down during the whole show…how she has been actin’ erratic and havin’ hot flashes and such..and then she hit her with a left talmbout Vivica being menopausal.  You could see Donald Trump and errybody else in that boardroom flinch uncomfortably behind that comment.  The Don tried to intercede but Kenya wouldn’t stop…”It’s true Mr. Trump, Vivica herself even tweeted about it on social media, sayin’ she was menopausal”..  In the words of that ol’ sage NeNe Leakes…so nasty and so rude!

Mr. Trump warned Kenya that those were some serious allegations, and said he didn’t believe that Vivica would tweet something like that and asked Kenya to prove it.  Vivica confirmed that she didn’t send that Tweet out, and that she rarely tweets.  Kenya said she could prove it if she could get her phone.  Trump’s son pulled his own phone out and confirmed the Tweet “this menopause id (is) killin’ me…I’m can’t think straight…I’m acting a damn fool half the time..50 just isn’t sexy”  Y’all know good and well Vivica didn’t right that but Eric Trump sounded like he was bout to side with Kenya til Vivica dropped the bomb on them that her phone had been stolen.  And Juh-raldo confirmed it.  Looked mighty suspicious that a) Viv’s phone went missing b) there is an unexplained Tweet that ain’t come from Vivica c) Kenya just so happens to mention menopause and ties it directly into said Tweet as part of her board room war of words and d) says she can pull up said Tweet on Viv’s page even though Viv knows nothin’ about it.  Just too many coinky dinks for me to side with Kenya on this one.  And y’all know I cut fo’ Kenya Moore.  Cuz she showed all the little black and really brown girls that they didn’t have to be lightskinded to wear a crown and represent beauty back in the day.  Wayyyy for all this stuff about natural hair and lovin’ your black self and your curves and such appeared.

Kenya was dead arse wrong.  Trump felt the same because after tellin’ her that he brought her to the team to help, and she didn’t, he fired her.  Vivica stretched her hands to the heavens and praised the Lord and almost cried she was so happy that Kenya got the ax.  On the way out, Kenya tried to say somethin’ to Viv, but Viv was not there for it.  She looked at her and said “Bounce, Trick” and I died and got my whole life all over again.  And with that, Viv pimped walked off.  I SCREAMED!  I just knew Viv was gon’ put a Kill Bill-type roundhouse kick to Kenya’s back a la Vernita Green aka Copperhead.  Somebody musta had told Kenya wrong.  Or else she forgot.  Vivica don’t play the radio.  She done pretty much kicked somebody’s arse in erry movie she been in…and that sheeit be lookin’ true to life.  I honestly feared for Kenya’s life when they stepped outside that boardroom.  Lucky for Kenya..that even though Viv lost her temper for a minute in them people’s boardroom..she kept it together outside and didn’t put them paws on Kenya.  Juh-raldo hugged Viv and was just glad it was over.  He’d remarked in the boardroom that Phonegate with Kenya had made Omarosa look like a saint.  Lawd, when is they gon’ fire Juh-raldo?

Leeza came over to Vivica nem’s team and promptly delivered a jangle and a win to Team Vortex.  They needed it.  Trump promptly fired Ian Zhering (he wasn’t about the team..and thought they should use his ol’ plagiarizin’ arse jangle)…and then Johnny Damon..and then Brandi Glanville.  Yep..he fired erry damn body in that boardroom!  I had just tweeted that he should but damn…I still ain’t see that comin’.  He looked around to fire somebody else but Joan Rivers and Eric Trump reminded him they weren’t in the game.  That damn Trump.  Always mixin’ sheeit up.

I am pullin’ for Vivica to win this thang…but Leeza looks like the one to beat.  Also, you can’t count out that ol’ dinosaur Juh-raldo.  That thang has proven he is in it for the long haul.  Been around since the late 80s and ain’t went nowhere.  The finale is next week – since they are bringin’ back some of the fired cast members..it is sure to be explosive.  Sorta like the board room this week with Kenya and Viv.

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This will be a short recap because most of the scenes are set in the damn dark and I miss more than I see where this show is concerned.  Would it hurt Shonda and Viola nem to turn on a damn light on this set?  Pay the damn light bill or at least get an extension?  This show was back tonight after the winter break.  Sam was still dead on the flo’ and Annalise was sittin’ up in..you guessed it…the damn DARK!  I’m talmbout I couldn’t see nothin’ but the whites of her eyes!

I don’t know none of the characters so I’m gon’ just be referrin’ to em as her students cuz I am too lazy to google.  The student who actually kilt him was tryna keep all his friends from goin’ to the police.  You know foke get antsy when they done kilt somebody.  Start feelin’ guilty and sheeit.

Come to find out, Annalise was the one that told the student they had to get Sam’s body up outta her house (he ain’t have to go to the Upper Room but he had to get the hayle outta her place) and burn it so their would be no DNA.  Cuz as it stood, their DNA was all up under his nails and sheeit.  So that’s how they decided to roast ol’ dead Sam like a marshmallow.  The student did save Sam’s ring which Annalise kept because she did love her husband.  Only love could make you take off yo’ wig, yo’ makeup AND yo’ eyebrows to cuss yo’ man out.

There was more investigation bout what happened to that co-ed with all signs pointin’ to Sam, helped along by Annalise and her students.  She ended up gettin’ the murder charges against that weird gul dropped because she pretty much almost proved that Sam kilt that girl.  He damn sho’ had motive (she was pregnant with his baby – they got the footage from the abortion clinic of Sam arguin’ with her and a witness that said ol’ girl didn’t want to have the abortion– and she didn’t want to get rid of it.  Plus, they tracked his phone and discovered he had gone through three cities and finally ended up on the rooftop at the sorority house for 29 minutes,  where they eventually found her in a water pipe around the same time.

Annalise went through a police interview and told them Sam cheated with the girl, she had just found out and he’d left her.  Each student had an interview too and Annalise prepped them well.  After Annalise got that girl off, she was in the bathroom when she heard two women talmbout her bad.  Of course, she rolled out of that stall and gave ’em both side eyes.  They were standin’ there lookin’ stupid.  That’s the worse feelin’ evah..you talmbout somebody supposably behind they backs and unbeknownst to you, they hear you.  Whew chile…been there, done that and got a t-shirt.

Some of the students wanted to turn themselves in…but Annalise got wind and met them at the police station and shut that sheeit abruptly down.  Crisis averted.  She bout to show them thangs how to get away with murder for real.  But what she didn’t plan on was Sam’s sister comin’ to town and throwin’ all kinds of wrenches and screwdrivers into her plans.

Oh, and I can’t end this blog without givin’ an honorable mention to Annalise’s wig.  I liked it..much better than that ol’ tiyah’ed thang they had on her head last year.  I’m thinkin’ Shonda got a tight budget round wardrobe and since she ain’t have to put Olivia in Prada coats and designer purses and sheeit for this first episode or get Olivia’s hair pressed, she had mo’ money to po’ into Annalise.  Now if we could only get ol’ hard walkin’ Annalise some walkin’ lessons with Miss Jay (America’s Next Top Model)……

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Liv was dancin’…and then Jake was dancin’ (with his joints lookin’ creaky and stiff like he needed some WD40), and then the unthinkable happened.  Somebody took Liv outta her apartment while Jake went to get a blanket to lay over the piano (that we ain’t neva seent befo’) in Liv’s apartment so they could dry grind on it.  And then after Shonda made us her bitch babies after such an emotional rollercoaster ride of an episode, we were left wonderin’ who took Liv for months.

Scandal returned tonight, and I was reminded I hadn’t seen Liv and Jake and Fitz nem since last year.  Apparently, a masked man snatched Liv up outta there in 20 seconds flat..and even though it was set up to look like they drove away in a car with her, the truth is they had her across the hall at her neighbor’s with both of ‘em duct taped all bout the mouth.  Now I ain’t neva seent Liv’s neighbor befo’…not even borrowin’ a cup o’ sugar or eggs, so you can imagine my surprise when I discovered that Dionne Warwick was livin’ just across the hall.  Dionne was in there watchin’ The Young and The Restless and the rest of her stories when she got caught up in the kidnappin’ scheme.

Before I go on, I just hope when Liv is finally rescued, that she either moves out of them people’s ol’ nonsecure janky arse apartment or get them damn flimsy locks changed.  Because errytime we look around, somebody is sittin’ up in her place uninvited.  I thought they had keys (and she had given too many out) but the truth is, I think they just keep pickin’ the damn locks.  The criminals got up in Dionne Warwick’s apartment the same damn way so it is clearly somethin’ the landlords should be addressin’.

After they sent Jake out on a wild goose chase, runnin’ after cars in his underwear (thanks Shonda..I needed that and smoked two cigarettes behind it), they removed all the surveilance equipment and tapes in Olivia’s apartment.  Cuz you know her townhome STAY bugged.  Dionne Warwick thought they had got over like Mahalia Jackson when they finally removed the duct tape from her mouth, tellin’ Liv errythang was gon’ be alright…and was prolly ready to break out sangin’ That’s What Friends Are For, when one of the captors shot her in the heart and sent her on an express train to the Upper Room.  I just felt like that was so unnecessary and so uncalled for.  Miss Jane Pittman ain’t have but two or three mo’ years left, so they didn’t have to do all of that.  She prolly woulda fuhgot errythang anyway if theyda just left her there..but nooo…they had to shoot Grandma dead like a dog in the streets.  And then to add insult to injury, they put her body on top of Liv and stuck ‘em both in the SAME zip up body bag!  How yo’ gon’ be criminals and travel with ONE damn body bag?  Cheap azzes!

The kidnappers took Liv overseas somewhere like Sudan (I think..this part is unclear….), and threw her arse in a prison cell with another “prisoner” who was already there.  Although they didn’t share how long Liv was up in them people’s prison, her hair went from nicely flat-ironed with lots of body to full blown frizzy unruly arse afro in about 10 minutes of tv time.  Liv tried to break out by using the underwire in her bra on some Inspector Gadget type sheeit but was caught.  The captors couldn’t shoot her, but took the other prisoner and supposably shot him.  Liv cried cuz  she didn’t mean to get that lil frail white man shot.  They had bonded over that bad food they were servin’ ‘em.  Liv had even let ol’ dude check her for a trackin’ device, knowin’ that if’n she had one, her daddy was out eatin’ full steak dinners at them people’s fine restaurants and not thinkin’ bout her since she’d pulled a pistol on him and tried to shoot him.  I felt bad for Liv.  Sat in them people’s prison til she damn near rot.  Nobody to put no kinda money on her books or give her anythang towards her commissary.

While Liv’s full 4B fro was being unleashed, she had dreams that Jake busted in and saved her…that she was livin’ in Vermont with Fitz, takin’ showers and sheeit and  cannin’ preserves and whatnots.  Abby came to visit her in the dream and let her know that she was the only Gladiator in this situation, and she needed to save herself.  Abby alluded to a pipe screw that fell, and wouldn’t you know that it was a clue because as Liv was breakin’ down ova havin’ to use the toilet without a liner, she saw that same pipe screw.  She unscrewed the pipe and used it to beat one of her captors all bout the head and ears.  She took his keys and his gun and ran toward the door!  The other captor came outta nowhere and even though she hesitated she went ahead and grazed that temple real good.  That do’ had bout fi’ locks on it (I’m hoping she realized those are the types of locks she needs when she gets back to her condo) but she got through them all only to run out and meet the other “prisoner” face to face.  He was in the cell with her to get information (he’s really her captor) and got it, i.e. the President will turn over heaven and earth to look for her).

I was mad at Liv because after she shot ol’ dude twixt the eyes, she threw the damn gun down.  Cuz keepin’ it for whatever was on the other side of that doe woulda been too much like right.  *side eye*  Her kidnapper told her to come along..they had work to do.  Next week’s episode shows Liv doin’ it for Tha Vine in a video tellin’ Fitz nem they gotta declare war OR she will die.  I don’t know what happened to ol’ Daddy Pope…but Liv needs him like she ain’t neva needed him befo’.  I think he is probably the only person that can save her.  I just hope he turns the volume down on that theme music that is likely to be playin’ when he comes to her rescue.

Let me just say this – Shonda had my nerves bad behind this episode.  Dream sequences like Dallas when that whole season where J.R.’s lil brother Bobby died was a nightmare….Liv bein’ broken down to the lowest common denominator….those kidnappers puttin’ a bullet in Ms. Sojourner Truth across the hall…Liv takin’all the underwire out her bra…Liv runnin’ down a never endin’ hall..and then finally comin’ out to the REAL kidnapper.  Tonight’s episode was all over the place, and played with my emotion like Craig nem did Big Worm’s in Friday.  Had me smokin’ cigarettes, Mary Janes AND black and milds and I don’t even smoke.  I’mma end this blog right here so I can go take a sedative…

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