RHOA Recap – 50 Shades of Grey & Apollo Finally Went To Them People’s Prison

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I can’t believe it’s almost midnight and I am tryna blog about RHOA.  My schedule has been throwed off since I went to see Fitty Shades of Grey with my white friends.  Yep, they had me out watchin’ them people’s soft porn movie.  I got a small chile and I’m hoping to get back on the Usher Board.  I cain’t be out in the streets watchin’ questionable movies.  I love my white friends though, because they came through for me in a MAJOR way when I was going through it with breast cancer, surgeries and chemo.  And they didn’t know me all that well – just from seeing me at school (at the time, our kids went to the same preschool) and ballet recitals.  I will never forget their kindness!  Now this is enough sappiness for one day and especially durin’ Black Hist’ry month.  But now you see why I was willin’ to give up my Sunday evening (and watchin’ RHOA as it unfolded) to hang out with these beautiful ladies.

Back to Fitty Shades.  I didn’t read the book, which will come as NO surprise to the friends who used to be in a book club with me.  I never read the book…just wanted to drink wine, eat, socialize and HEAR about books.  Sort of like book appreciation.  You read the book..you tell me about it..and then I say “I appreciate that”.  So, I’m not going to recap the movie or even blog about it, lest I spoil it for those foke who ain’t seen it.  Let me just say this – couldna been me in this movie.  Now, I am all for havin’ a good time when the lights go off and sometimes when they on – oh yeah, I’m WILD…but that foolishness that Mr. Grey was into would made me grab my purse and run up outta that house or at the very least, call the police.  Matta fact, I found myself talkin’ to the screen, tryna tell Anastassia like Whoopi told Demi in that movie “Molly, Girl, you in danger.  Get yo’ damn purse and get yo’ arse up outta there…don’t look back, don’t stop runnin’, don’t try to catch yo’ breath, til you get all the way home.”  But of course, she ain’t listen to me, and the movie went on for another two hours.  Go see it, but try to like find yo’ tickets on Groupon or something.  By the way, I did have a good time with the girls!

Okay, on to RHOA, cuz that’s what this blog is about.  Before I talk about how Apollo acted a plum fool tonight, I have to talk about the other parts of the show.  NeNe was missing from this episode, so not a lot to talk about – she does bring some good one-liners and a forest fulla shade to the show.  Claudia was still trying to make nice with Porsha but she did something that I wouldn’t have done.  She and Porsha work together and their boss is Rickey Smiley (comedian), and she brought him into it.  I wouldn’t have brought that drama to him – you don’t bring foolishness and beetch sheeit to your job.  I’m not sure they came together in the end, but they all did hold hands and pray and nobody got struck down by lightnin’ so that’s progress.

Kandi and Todd appear to be having a lil bit of marital strife.  I’m not sure how much of it is “real” and how much is manufactured so they can have a storyline since Mama Joyce off somewhere with her man enjoyin’ that new house Kandi done bought.  Todd got Kandi a role in a movie (it was a cute Christmas movie) so they had to go to L.A. to film.  Kandi rushes home after outta town travel, but Todd likes to stay extra days.  Kandi is worried because if you already cravin’ space and time away and you only been married six months, what’s gon’ happen for the next 30 years y’all together?  Who am I kidding?  The next 2 years y’all together.  I’m hoping for the best for those two..but preparing for the worst.  Kandi said they havin’ sex once a week.  That’s a 15 year marriage sex schedule…not newlywed!  I’m hoping they were just doing this for the show..and they are doing just fine.  They might wanna get off the show though because these reality and Housewives shows ain’t good on a marriage.

Kenya was still trying to produce her show/movie.  She had some auditions on tonight’s episode.  Cynthia auditioned for the Jamaican hairstylist role and was dressed the part.  Her fake Jamaican accent was all bad though.  And the wig and makeup were….tragic.  She got the role though….like she was ever NOT going to get the part.  Leon got a part as well.  I would be right up in court gettin’ my coins for Noel (their daughter together).

And now for the DRAMA – Apollo apparently went through Phae Phae’s phone and found texts from her to some African dude named Mr. Chocolate.  Bay Bay…African dudes must really be checkin’ for women in Atlanta cuz erry episode somebody got one.  They are the newest accessory.  Apollo confronted her and told her he could snap and do somethin’ bad based on her cheating (cuz yeah that’s what criminals do) and ended up going with Peter.  Peter saw the texts..and we did too (he held up the printed copies and there was a photo of Phaedra sippin’ on a drank).  Apparently, she was tellin’ Chocolate that she was drinkin’ champagne, it makes her do naughty things, she likes to be spanked, she was on the countdown to be off the plantation (Apollo goin’ to jail), etc.  Yasss Honey!  She was making all kindsa plans.

I don’t know what Apollo was thinking.  Yes, Phaedra is wrong if it’s true.  BUT Apollo actin’ like he ain’t on his way back to prison for almost a decade.  Mr. Secretary of State will be a teenager when he gets out of jail if he does all that time.  Does he really thing Phaedra supposed to wait on him?  Um, okay.  She best move on..and he needs to concentrate on fightin’ for his conebread and not droppin’ the soap.

He was supposed to turn himself in to the feds, but instead, he came back to the house where he found Phaedra gettin’ the locks changed; the garage door recoded; his clothes packed up; his fingerprints washed off errythang, etc.  Apollo was 38 hot Honey!  He talked crazy to Phaedra and went in the house and got a drill.  I just knew he was gon’ use it on Phaedra cuz he ran up on her with it in the garage.  Phaedra was really patient..cuz I woulda called the cops as soon as he turned on my street in that car he obviously stole from somebody.  You don’t fight crazy.  That thang ain’t got nothin’ to lose and what’s a few mo’ years in them people’s prison?  He has proven he don’t care bout doin’ time.  Luckily, his friend Bun came and talked him into leaving finally.

Next week, the Chocolate hits the fan when Cynthia and Kenya confront Phae Phae bout her affair and whatnots.  The always calm Southern Bellish Phae Phae loses her cool and pops off on Kenya.  I can’t wait to see what happens…

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

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