Of course, Olivia was still held captive in tonight’s episode of Scandal. I say of course because naturally they would decide to let her wear an ol’ ratty arse sleepshirt for most of this season because I done went to the Limited and bought that damn Scandal knockoff coat. Thinkin’ Imma see Liv in hers so I can put mine on and feel like a Gladiator. Instead, I wore mine earlier today and foke was saying “oh that looks like an Olivia Pope coat from last season”. *side eye* Imma give Shonda one mo’ episode to put Liv back into some designer gear or this coat is goin’ back. And if’n they refuse to take it, Imma act a damn fool. It’s Black History month, so all I gotta do is throw out a few choice words – litigation, racial discrimination, lawsuits, Al Sharpton.
The Vice President was on the scene tonight acting, in the words of Lawrence Fishburne as Ike Turner when he rolled up on Anna Mae in them people’s dressing room in that movie, big and bold as sheeit. That thang was acting real bad for somebody that had gotten his eye dotted and closed up like Ol’ Miss Sophia’s by Fitz. I guess it wasn’t good enough that he still got to be around after the fact…and he ran up in Mellie whenever he got ready…nah..he had to go and get Olivia took. Fitz shoulda dotted that other eye.
The kidnapper had Olivia make a video where she had to read a statement about being held hostage. And also saying Fitz nem had 48 hours to declare war on Angola or she would die. Well, y’all know Fitz is WHIPPED so you can guess what happened next. That thang held a press conference in shote order and declared WAR. Damn…Olivia must got some good stuff to make a President send troops into a war. I knew it was powerful and could make a white man dance (see Jake) but I ain’t know she really had that THANG like that! Liv drank water in the video trying to give a clue to the Gladiators – they could see his face in the reflection of the bottom of the glass. Gon Girl! Get yo’self rescued! It ain’t work out though.
Huck went to Portia De Rossi’s house (y’all will remember that she is also doin’ the Veep) to try to get information, and it made for one of the scariest scenes ever. He threatened to cut open that lady’s lil girl and make her watch. I shuddered. Y’all know I got a little girl. I woulda found Huck the next day and duct taped and drilled his arse! I was really thinking that if Shonda Rhimes had let somethin’ happen to that lil girl, I was gon’ fly to California and picket outside her damn house! Y’all know I love the kids!
Portia went to her boyfriend (the Veep) and he told her she needed to get on board. Meanwhile, Fitz Secret Service had been replaced by the Veep’s goons. How yo’ Secret Service people gon’ be takin’ orders from somebody that reports to you? I felt sorry for Fitz cuz they ain’t care nothin’ bout him being secure just like President O’s Secret Service when they let all them randoms jump the gates to the White House. Even the damn Secret Service dogs got wrestled to the ground and left they posts, but I digress. I don’t know why Portia thought she was safe…don’t she know Huck is a trained killa? So of course, Huck was back in her daughter’s room with his toolbox when she returned that night. Her locks must be as flimsy as Olivia’s. Huck missed the memo and instead of blowin’ Portia De Rossi’s back out, he scratched that thang’s back up with all kindsa drills and tools. That thang’s back looked like Django’s in that movie. It looked painful and like she needed a skin graft, antibiotics and pain pills.
That must have gotten through to her cuz she went to Mellie for help. Mellie slept with the Veep and put his arse to sleep (it rhymes!) and then stole his phones. Portia De Rossi limped into OPA and gave them the phones to stop them damn late night visits from Huck and his toolbox. The Gladiators thought they had found Olivia by trackin’ the Veep’s phones, but alas, it was a set up. Jake (who had been recruited by Fitz to find Olivia cuz he had them eyes on him and couldn’t do it) had David Rosen call for a drug raid in the suspected warehouse in PA, but nobody was there.
Meanwhile, Marla Gibbs stopped cleanin’ up at George Jefferson’s nem and left Sondra on the stoop at her apartment at 227 long enough to run up in OPA looking for ‘the black lady’ (Olivia). She needed help locating her friend…who was Olivia’s neighbor (Dionne Warwick). They rushed to that lady’s apartment and found Liv’s ring so they knew she had been there. They also found the internet connection, thus identifying the kidnapper. Checkmate.
Olivia somehow talked her kidnapper into selling her on the open market, and cleaning her up, and bringing her an orange cream popsicle. That girl got that THANG and a mouthpiece..she can talk anybody into anythang! And that’s how it ended – Fitz got to say hello to her and learned she would be auctioned off to the highest bidder. I can see him pulling together all kindsa coins and his kids college funds and even printing money at the Federal Reserve bank to buy back Olivia. I done told y’all Olivia got that thang…..
Oh I forgot to mention Fitz went to see Tom, his old Secret Service man. Tom wanted a pardon after he done injected that man’s son with all kindsa live viruses. I wish they would just kill Tom off. I don’t trust foke whose eyebrows are the same color as they skin.
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