Empire Recap – Her Name is Cookie…You Betta Ask ‘Bout Her

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I really want to give the title of this postin’ to somebody else, but so far, Cookie is THAT character on Empire.  She is the QUEEN of one-liners (tonight’s gems were “Dead Beetch Walkin'”, ‘The Name is Cookie…Ask About Me…”, and “If You Had It, You Wouldn’t Have To Fix It”); and the QUEEN of rollin’ up in Lucious’ nem house and board rooms uninvited and unannounced.  Tonight, however, she was too busy runnin’ from the drug dealer and murderer she snitched on (unbeknownst to her cuz it’s clear when she finds out she been duped by that FBI agent, that she follows the street mantra of ‘snitches get stitches….or buckshots to they britches’) to show up anywhere pretty much.  We did get to see the nice lil apartment she livin’ in because I was beginnin’ to believe she was actually homeless and stayed between Jamal’s apartment and Lucious’ mansion. You know she feel like that house half hers anyway.

Lucious realized it was cuffin’ season and proposed to Boo Boo Kitty (Anika) with a diamond that looked like a damn boulder.  And then he told her they had to keep it a secret.  He must not know women.  When we get engaged, we tellin’ ERRYBODY (we Facebookin’, Instagrammin’, Doin’ It For Tha Vine and errythang else).  We met her parents tonight – she is definitely a debutante, the daughter of a White Doctor and a Black socialite who probably spends most of her days givin’ that man’s money to charity and shopping.  Of course, she thinks her daughter is too good for Lucious and Dr Daddy feels the same, callin’ him a thug once he figures out Lucious wants him to commit fraud (sign off that he is medically qualified for a keyman life insurance policy).  After he reminds Daddy Dearest that after he dies, Anika will become an instant billionaire, the doc changes his tune and agrees to do it.  I guess he tired of payin’ Anika’s car note and payin’ for her shoes and purses and sheeit.

I’m not here for the storyline that pits brother against brother, but Empire is working this Cain and Abel foolishness.  Tonight, the older brother (who is being RAN by that white woman – that thang knew what she was doin’ with that bib and that knife and fork the other show cuz the oldest brother don’t make a move without her pullin’ the strangs as puppetmaster) did a couple of dirty thangs – he filmed Hakeem’s woman gettin’ it on with HER woman and he sent Hakeem’s thuggish friends to rob Jamal.  Yes, you read that first part right.  Hakeem’s woman got a woman.  I guess that is why she ain’t trip when she opened up that doe last week, and saw Naomi Campbell gettin’ all soaped up in the tub with Hakeem.  I knew she was wayyy too calm because she was s’posed to break some plates, cut up or bleach some clothes and pretty much tear that damn apartment up behind that.  And in Empire’s spirit of diversity, not only is ol’ girl carpet munchin’..she got her a lil white woman.  And naw…I don’t know which one is the man in the relationship.

The robbery didn’t work out cuz Hakeem’s lil friend was recognized by Jamal AND his gun was smaller than the assault rifle the owner of the studio had in his possession. I hollered when he said they could make that meeting a misunderstanding (or similar) or a homicide….it was their choice.  LOL!

Cookie thought the guy she’d dropped the dime on had put a hit out on her so she was gon’ make sure she got him ‘fo he got her.  She enlisted the help of her sister (Tasha Smith) in pullin’ it off.  Someone left a rose at her apartment door (that was the criminal’s calling card) and Cookie just knew she had heard Whoopi’s voice saying “Molly…You In Danger Girl”.  After greasin’ somebody’s palms to get rid of ol’ dude, she realized that Lucious left that rose at her door, in honor of their anniversary.  She tried to call and stop the hit, but it was too late.  She’d given that man 5K and he had given the would-be hitman bullets all bout the head and chest.  Rolled up on dude at  red light.  I bet he wished he had just run it.

I’m tryna understand how Lucious gon’ weigh down Anika’s hand with that flawless rock and then go to Cookie’s apartment with that rose and to reminisce right after.  He gon’ end up getting caught with his hand in the Cookie jar.  I think I might tell the people at my job that my name is Sheila…and they betta ask about me.  I’ll let y’all know if I am still employed tomar.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

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