Bay Bay…if you ain’t see Celebrity Apprentice tonight…you missed it! It was World War 4 through 16 up in that thang! Whew Chile….I knew it was gon’ be fireworks just like Katy Perry was sangin’ bout with them sharks and Lenny Kravitz and Missy and nem. The episode started out promising…I was like oh, Kenya and Vivica makin’ up after that episode last week where Kenya mentioned Viv havin’ plastic surgery…and then Viv sayin’ that Kenya was sittin’ ova there on a fake booty AND 7 packs of lashes. Kenya stepped up and asked if they could ‘reset’ with a clean slate. Y’all know Viv said alright..we can do that to Kenya but in the confessional, she stared dead into them cameras and told us she was still watchin’ Kenya with her one “good eye”. In other words, she wasn’t trustin’ nothin’ Kenya was tryna say cuz she felt like Kenya would smile in her face and cut her throat without interruptin’ said smile.
The task was creating a new marketing program for King Hawaiian’s rolls and buns and such. I know I ain’t sposed to be eatin’ carbs, but Lawd Jesus..them sweet rolls give me all kindsa life (and unwanted calories and pounds). But they sho’ do taste good goin’ down. You can tell I’m a real “foodie” with fat gul tendencies cuz I done got off on them people’s sweet rolls and done forgot I was bloggin’ for a minute. Anyway, blah blah blah…etc. and so forth, and Vortex (Kenya, Viv and Juh-raldo) lost.
The marketing campaign was all Kenya and centered around real buns (aka backsides and booties) to sell them people’s sweet rolls. Juh-raldo was all in as he sang the praises of Kenya’s hindparts. Vivica was left holding Kenya’s coat and purse and whatnots. At one point, Viv was gon’ be in the photo with one of the ‘street’ models and Kenya told her she wanted “thin” in the photo. Yes, ma’am…SHADE. Everytime Vivica tried to do more, Kenya would tell her to clean up or go get coffee or lunch, all the while praisin’ Juh-raldo’s ol’ relic arse. Kenya knew her arse (or as Vivica putted “lopsided booty on trend” *snicker*) was on the line so she told us in the confessional that she was gon’ throw Viv under the bus…pick the bus up and throw it on top of Viv and then get in it and drive it over Viv. Repeatedly. Ouch.
Kenya started goin’ in on Viv…even after acknowledging that the idea to feature her and other backsides in the ad was her idea. Viv was havin’ none of it. Her “good eye” went to twitchin’ and that was all folks. “That’s a dirty ass bitch. She has toxic tendencies. You are just a toxic trick,” Vivica fired back at Kenya.
“Oh my God, really? This is not the ghetto. Don’t take it there,” Kenya fired back.
“You’re there, honey. That’s the only place you can be prevalent in, honey,” Vivica advised. “Baby, I’m an international star. You’re a ghetto star. Don’t do that.” You know I hollered..and then quietly…laid down and died. And then somehow, I was revived and heard Kenya start talmbout how Vivica has been up and down during the whole show…how she has been actin’ erratic and havin’ hot flashes and such..and then she hit her with a left talmbout Vivica being menopausal. You could see Donald Trump and errybody else in that boardroom flinch uncomfortably behind that comment. The Don tried to intercede but Kenya wouldn’t stop…”It’s true Mr. Trump, Vivica herself even tweeted about it on social media, sayin’ she was menopausal”.. In the words of that ol’ sage NeNe Leakes…so nasty and so rude!
Mr. Trump warned Kenya that those were some serious allegations, and said he didn’t believe that Vivica would tweet something like that and asked Kenya to prove it. Vivica confirmed that she didn’t send that Tweet out, and that she rarely tweets. Kenya said she could prove it if she could get her phone. Trump’s son pulled his own phone out and confirmed the Tweet “this menopause id (is) killin’ me…I’m can’t think straight…I’m acting a damn fool half the time..50 just isn’t sexy” Y’all know good and well Vivica didn’t right that but Eric Trump sounded like he was bout to side with Kenya til Vivica dropped the bomb on them that her phone had been stolen. And Juh-raldo confirmed it. Looked mighty suspicious that a) Viv’s phone went missing b) there is an unexplained Tweet that ain’t come from Vivica c) Kenya just so happens to mention menopause and ties it directly into said Tweet as part of her board room war of words and d) says she can pull up said Tweet on Viv’s page even though Viv knows nothin’ about it. Just too many coinky dinks for me to side with Kenya on this one. And y’all know I cut fo’ Kenya Moore. Cuz she showed all the little black and really brown girls that they didn’t have to be lightskinded to wear a crown and represent beauty back in the day. Wayyyy for all this stuff about natural hair and lovin’ your black self and your curves and such appeared.
Kenya was dead arse wrong. Trump felt the same because after tellin’ her that he brought her to the team to help, and she didn’t, he fired her. Vivica stretched her hands to the heavens and praised the Lord and almost cried she was so happy that Kenya got the ax. On the way out, Kenya tried to say somethin’ to Viv, but Viv was not there for it. She looked at her and said “Bounce, Trick” and I died and got my whole life all over again. And with that, Viv pimped walked off. I SCREAMED! I just knew Viv was gon’ put a Kill Bill-type roundhouse kick to Kenya’s back a la Vernita Green aka Copperhead. Somebody musta had told Kenya wrong. Or else she forgot. Vivica don’t play the radio. She done pretty much kicked somebody’s arse in erry movie she been in…and that sheeit be lookin’ true to life. I honestly feared for Kenya’s life when they stepped outside that boardroom. Lucky for Kenya..that even though Viv lost her temper for a minute in them people’s boardroom..she kept it together outside and didn’t put them paws on Kenya. Juh-raldo hugged Viv and was just glad it was over. He’d remarked in the boardroom that Phonegate with Kenya had made Omarosa look like a saint. Lawd, when is they gon’ fire Juh-raldo?
Leeza came over to Vivica nem’s team and promptly delivered a jangle and a win to Team Vortex. They needed it. Trump promptly fired Ian Zhering (he wasn’t about the team..and thought they should use his ol’ plagiarizin’ arse jangle)…and then Johnny Damon..and then Brandi Glanville. Yep..he fired erry damn body in that boardroom! I had just tweeted that he should but damn…I still ain’t see that comin’. He looked around to fire somebody else but Joan Rivers and Eric Trump reminded him they weren’t in the game. That damn Trump. Always mixin’ sheeit up.
I am pullin’ for Vivica to win this thang…but Leeza looks like the one to beat. Also, you can’t count out that ol’ dinosaur Juh-raldo. That thang has proven he is in it for the long haul. Been around since the late 80s and ain’t went nowhere. The finale is next week – since they are bringin’ back some of the fired cast members..it is sure to be explosive. Sorta like the board room this week with Kenya and Viv.
Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark