Scandal Recap – Liv’s Bein’ Sold Off & I Got Five On It

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When Shonda puts out a warning, you best believe it’s the truth, Ruth.  I knew this show was gon’ have all kinds of blood and gore when that violence warnin’ flashed on my screen.  I was like damn…is Mama Pope gon’ chew through her wrists again? Somebody else’s damn wrists?  I thought Liv had killed one of them captors, but apparently he made it.  I just knew he was dead they way she clocked him with that damn pipe.  Or in a coma in somebody’s hospital.  That thang had a helluva headache when he woke up I’m sure.  I’m mentioning him because he was back with a cut on his fo’ head and working with the “real” captor, who had made a deal with Liv.  Well, there is no honor among thieves, so it wasn’t long before the cut fo’headed captor had shot and kilt the “good” (?) captor.  Apparently he didn’t want to split the money fo’ ways no mo’.  That put Liv and the entire auction in jeopardy, and I ain’t talmbout the show with Alex Trebeck nem.

Meanwhile, at the White House, Fitz was still goin’ crazy over his beloved kidnapped Liv.  He was tryna his best to figure out how to get into the auction without compromising federal security.  The VP thought he was still callin’ the shots until he talked to Liv’s captors and the captor told him the deal was off.  And with that, the Veep was steady tryna talk and got a dial tone.  He too dumb to be the damn VP.  I was wishin’ Fitz and Mellie took turns closin’ up his both his damn eyes with they fists.  He seemed to be campaignin’ for an arse whoopin’ and I wanted him to win the election.  They did try to fiyah the VP but he ain’t got nothin’ to lose so he threatened to go public with how he done ran up in Mellie erry chance he got, startin’ back when Fitz was the governor.  Or was he a senator?  You know Mellie wasn’t havin’ that, cuz she wants to be president.  So they had to let that slithery Veep make it.

The Gladiators figured out that they couldn’t get into to the bidding without being invited.  Did I tell y’all how Huck done stole B613’s old bank accounts?  Talmbout it was back pay for all that time spent in the hole.  I hollered when Quinn said she ain’t have no money on the auction because she owed Sallie Mae all them student loans.  I’m like damn…Huck got 2 billion dollars and cain’t pay off Quinn’s loans?  Or buy her some tooth implants seein’ as he snatched out all her back molars?  And I’m sure that thang ain’t paid a lick of back chile suppote for that decade he went missin’ from his son’s life.  I hope that lady take him to court!

Who did the Gladiators go to for help with the auction?  None other than Mama Pope.   Cuz you know Daddy Pope still MIA.  Yes, they went to them people’s prison, along with David Rosen, and drug Mama Pope outta her cell.  Y’all know how she be lookin’ behind that table in that orange jumpsuit.  Of course, since she was gonna help them, she made a few demands.  Errythang she asked fuh, David Rosen denied.  I hollered.  I’m talmbout from “lie-berry” books to a yard with fresh grass and flowers to a cell with cellmates that she could talk to, argue and braid hair with.  And then Quinn offered her a tv.  OUTSIDE of her cell with access to the remote and basic cable, and just like that, Mama Pope was helpin’ ’em.  Bay Bay I SCREAMED.  They coulda at least gave her HBO!  How you go from askin’ for a busload of sheeit and settlin’ on a damn tv OUTSIDE of your cell?  I guess that solitary confinement and them people’s hole done got to Mama Pope, Chile.  They coulda at least thrown in some crab legs or lobster or something.

She told them how to get to the person that could help them and let Jake know that Huck needed to handle the meeting.  Once inside, she told Huck the real deal (after David Rosen had stepped outside) – he was going to have to prove his loyalty to this guy by killin’ some foke.  Huck did that and more by creatin’ a crime scene out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, without the chainsaw.  I’m talmbout I ain’t seen that much blood since they poured that bucket of blood ova Carrie in that movie.  And then he was bout to cut they heads off when Jake came in.  Jake told him to go clean up (Huck had so much of them people’s blood coverin’ him, it was seepin’ up through his own pores, so how exactly do you clean that up?  In the shower?  With a water hose in the yard?  Set yo’ bloody clothes on fiyah and jump in the river?) and he would take it from there and then you see Jake a’ sawin’.  Lawd!  I know Imma have nightmares behind that.

Cyrus caught Portia De Rossi tryna skip town.  Remember Huck had already ran a grater over her damn back last episode, so she was tryna get the hayle out of dodge.  Cy told her she had to help him bring down her boyfriend (yes, errybody used to go with the Veep), lest she end up in prison.  In other words, she was gon’ be his beetch or somebody else’s.

Liv tried to get the two computer hacker guys who were conducting the auction to overthrow the mean captor, but I guess they decided against it.  They talked a good game for about 60 seconds.  Liv ended up being sold off to Iran.  The guy was like beetch, you done hit me in the head with a metal pipe and I ain’t wake up for two days…of course, I am sellin’ yo’ Black arse to Iran.

I can’t wait til next week’s show.  We will find out who purchased Liv.  For some reason, I think it’s her daddy.  He already told her she was gon’ miss him when he was gone.  And he told her them lil white boys she had weren’t going to save her and how he spent his whole life protecting her.  Lawd, I hope he ain’t divert none of Huck’s funds.  Cuz we know that Huck ain’t wrapped too tight.  Damn you Shonda Rhimes…you done snatched my life, my whole Thursday and all my damn edges!  Again.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

OliviaPope

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