Lit’rally cuz I don’t be knowin’ what the hayle is going on in this show.  I think there are too many players/people and too many storylines.  And they all end with somebody dying every episode and nobody getting locked up.  Thus the title of the show I guess.

But I can say one thing….Viola Davis be actin’ her arse off as Annalise.  Yes LAWD – the truth.  Deserve an Emmy in pretty much erry category.  I also love me some Miss Cicely Tyson.  And yes, gotta put the Miss on there because she is a LIVING LEGEND and a NATIONAL TREASURE.  You know when she is on the show, gon’ be some great dialogue and superb acting – she and Viola together make magic, Honey.

I wish I could talk about the plot, but I can’t.  So I will just talk about Nate.  Cuz that thane FINE, you heah me?  Annalise went home to visit her mama and sister.  Her mama told her to get up and get in the shower, and you know when a Black mama tell you that, you best move around lest you get somethin’ put on them hindparts.  And you know they don’t be caring that you extra grown.  They were throwing a little party in Annalise’s honor.  Annalise’s parents broke up when she was younger…but now her daddy back sniffin’ round.  Talmbout him and Annalise mama got kids together.  Chile.  Annalise was mad at her mama, but Mama shut it down when she said “when you get my age and somebody put a cupcake in front of you, see if you don’t eat it…”  If I was Annalise, I woulda packed my bags and went on back home. Instead she stayed…and got out on the dance floor after they prodded her, movin’ and jerkin’ like the tin man.  Givin’ Black foke a bad name with that non-dancin’.

Nate had stopped by and Mama invited him in and fed him some greens and hot water conebread.  Annalise tried to act like she wasn’t bothered but she knew that man was fine.  Her sister pulled Nate out on the dance floor and again, Annalise tried to act like she didn’t care.  She know she don’t want that man slow draggin’ with her sister.

Annalise ended up telling her mama about the baby she lost..and she wrote a letter to the baby that she buried in her mama’s backyard.

We found out that Frank was behind the car accident, and Annalise’s husband hid that from her but held it over Frank’s head, making him do all kinds of dirty work and killin’ foke.  Annalise found out she was being charged with a crime (that’s why she called Nate down) but ended up turnin’ state’s evidence in on Caleb.  There were lots of flashbacks (mostly of Caleb’s sister confessing that Caleb killed their parents) and we saw Caleb dead in a tub of water after he’d committed suicide.

Frank left town after Annalise called him white trash, and Bonnie was trying to reconcile the two of them but Annalise wasn’t having it.

Wes went to NY to see the man Annalise said was his dad.  Right after he confronted ol’ dude and said I think I’m your son, that man got shot in the head.  Pretty much got Rock-A-Byed like Keisha used to do foke in New Jack City.  Wes arse is just bad luck.  Errytime he around one of his parents, they die.

And now we wait…for like 8 months…before the show comes back since this was the season finale.  Thanks for nothin’ and snatchin’ my edges all at the same time, Shonda.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark cuz I’m blowin’ up….

Shonda Rhimes pretty much owns Thursday.  You know how powerful you gotta be to OWN a day of the week.  They should just change the name to Shon-day but I digress.  Scandal teased us last week by saying one of the Gladiators was gon’ take off the white hat and go to the dark side.  I just knew it was gon’ be Marcus cuz he is tired of being treated like he doesn’t matter – they don’t tell that man NOTHING; he ain’t got an office or a cubicle (he always in somebody else space or the conference room); he ain’t got no OPA badge or ID; and I haven’t seen him at a bank or check cashin’ place with an OPA payroll check since he got hired on.  Unless he still an intern and workin’ for free.  He need to quit that job and go back to being a community activist.

Liv was still up in her daddy and Jake’s place breakin’ bread and sippin’ cocktails with Jake’s new fiancee.  I give her props because I am too petty for that kinda sheeit.  Jake was JUST at her apartment pickin’ locks and other parts of her…pushin’ all her buttons, litrally and figratively, and he done proposed to somebody.  I didn’t even see his nasty arse wash his hands first.  Liv learned how the two of ’em met…and kee kee’d it up long enough for Quinn nem to plant bugs, cameras and other surveillance equipment in that lady apartment.  I think Liv wanna stalk Jake (cuz he got that thane) but because he keep livin’ from one house to the next and ain’t got no place in HIS name, she had to have the equipment put in that lady house.

She then went back to her place and started watching Jake and his woman on video.  Jake looked right at the camera and really started performing.  Yes, he knew that Liv had cameras all up and through and was watching him so he put an arch in his back and lifted that lady’s rump.  And then he called her daddy and asked Papa Pope to be his best man.  Naw, I’m kidding about that part.

He then hand delivered the tape to Liv and told her they weren’t doing the stalking thing anymore.  That he was in love with that woman and was going to marry her for that …that there was no plot, no scheme…just love.  He pretty much cut live down with his words.

In the meantime, Huck was watchin’ Javi’s soccer game (i.e. low-key stalking) with Marcus when he found out his ex-wife was dating.  He was convinced the new guy was somebody he duct-taped and wrapped in plastic back in the day and had to rescue his family.  He kidnapped that man and then figga’d out it wasn’t him.  Luckily he didn’t send him on home to glory.  Liv and Quinn nem rushed to find Huck cuz ‘fo he put that man in the Upper Room.  Quinn let Liv have it about abandoning them.  Liv told her she could be selfish cuz them people kidnapped her & bought and sold her on the open market.  Later, she apologized and told Quinn she took time for herself because she knew she could leave Quinn in charge.  She also asked them to stop treating Marcus like an intern.

Somebody left the gate open and Hollis Doyle showed up at the White House where he was courted by both Mellie and the VP for campaign coins.  Fitz told him to get the hayle up off his couch, so it looked like Hollis was gon’ side with Mellie.  Instead he stole her ideas for her campaign and announced his candidacy in the spirit of Donald Trump.

Abby found out Cyrus is in bed with two guys (well three if you count his former heaux husband) – Fitz and the Dem governor he got to run for President.  She told Liv she wanted to run the WH and it was time for Cy to step aside.  Fitz was against it first, but told her the job was hers if she fired Cyrus.  She did…and promptly took his job.  Cyrus sat there all calm after it was done, drinking a cocktail (white liquor).  She needs to be VERY AFRAID.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark cuz famous people retweet me….

Chile.  I don’t even know where to begin.  I used to think Liv had that thane, but it done obviously wore off of Jake and Fitz cuz they both done moved on like Liv neva happened.  Well Jake is still half in cuz he be droppin’ by doin’ drivebys.  But Fitz done moved on in an ol’ nasty way.  That thane was gettin’ it in with ERRYBODY.  I’m talmbout I lost count of the drawls he got on tonight’s show.  He was pickin’ ’em out at events, rallies, fairs, church functions, baptisms, bar mitzvahs and errywhere else.  And Abby and the head of Secret Service were relegated to movin’ them groupies in and outta that White House expeditiously, with disclosure agreements, toothbrushes and a change of pannies.

David Rosen still gettin’ Lizzie and the VP’s drawls.  And Cyrus still gon’ grow him a President. Oh, we finally saw his ol’ hoe arse husband tonight.  Sittin’ in bed and braidin’ a Black doll’s hair talmbout he practicin’ for when he braids Ella’s hair.  Who we ain’t seen since James fun’ral.  Not JJ nem daddy but Cy first husband.

Mellie brought Teddy to visit, and I held my breath when Teddy went runnin’ and skippin’ up to his Daddy’s doe.  I was so glad Fitz wasn’t nekkid…but truth was, he had just gotten dress and his lady friend came outta the bathroom dressed in a towel and smellin’ like sex with Monica Lewinsky type stains on her chest.  Chile.  Mellie made Fitz put Teddy down but not before Fitz kissed him.  That made me mad.  Fitz out here doin’ whoever and then wanna put his lips on somebody’s chile.  Mellie hugged Fitz tight and whispered in his ear that he needs to keep his hoes away from her child and took Teddy right on back to the house.

Meanwhile, the Secret Service runnin’ amuck and havin’ wild parties like they say Kwame Kilpatrick used to have at that mansion in Detroit.  Remember how Strawberry, that stripper, ended up dead behind one of Kwame’s parties.  Well tonight, a prostitute ended up dead behind that Secret Service party.  Her friend (real name Erin…fake name “Fantasia”….?) ain’t wanna snitch at first, and agreed with the Secret Service story about ol’ girl shootin’ herself up with them people’s Heron and dying of an overdose.  Quinn nem was on the scene to clean it all up like they usually do – make the sheeit go away.  But now Marcus is workin’ with them, and even though he ain’t cashed an OPA payroll check yet, he didn’t want to just make the problem go away.  He investigated and found out ol’ girl didn’t die of the self-induced overdose like they all thought.  They took it to Liv who took it to Fitz.  Fitz did the right thing with the info after Liv tried to tell him this happened on his watch while he was dry grindin’ with errybody and he told her she don’t get to be in his business like that.  And then Liv read his arse for filth – told that thane “The fish rots from the head” and did he really wanna be that person round here screwin’ errythane with a hole.  That sheeit was so profound I wrote it down so I can reference it later.

Liv still sprung off Jake from State Farm so she was followin’ his arse around town errywhere…even doing a sting from her car while he was kee keein’ and drankin’ it up with his new woman.  Jake came to her house in the middle of the night while she was sleeping (they still pickin’ her ol’ flimsy arse locks) and called her on that sheeit.  She tried to jump bad and come out her mouth real slick, and Jake put that fangah on her.  Bay Bay..he laid Liv arse BACK, you hear me?  And I was over here smilin’ and chain smokin’ fake cigarettes.  Jake is a BAAAAADDDD man.  Liv started speaking in tongues.

Liv went to her daddy’s house to drank wine and eat steak, but he had company and really ain’t want to let her in.  I just knew he had Mama Pope up in that house doin’ all kindsa ungodly thanes but alas…it was just Jake.  AND HIS NEW FIANCEE’.  She invited Liv to stay and toast her and Jake’s upcomin’ nuptials.  Bay Bay Liv almost choked on that Cabernet. I see Liv bustin’ up that weddin’ like Vesta Williams in that Congratulations video.  Poor Liv.  She need to get back to doin’ Kegels cuz she done lost a step.  Or 7.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark for funny Tweets about Scandal.

Yep, it got played.  I guess there is truth to playing the hand you are dealt.  Tonight’s episode was all about opening arguments, the introduction of Fuhrman as a witness and strategy on both sides.  It seemed that for every solid argument Marcia nem had, Cochran nem had rebuttal.  You could easily see how she was pretty much unaware…about so much, and in the end it cost her the case.

Courtney Vance is playing the HAYLE of Johnnie Cochran to the point that I want to fly to Los Angeles, go to errybody house that got an Emmy in it, collect them all, change the names on them to Courtney Vance and have them delivered to his house.  If he doesn’t get an Emmy nomination I know somethin’!

Sarah Paulson is also excellent as Marcia Clark.  And she is playin’ her with such a naivete’ you have to wonder was she really that clueless.  And then there’s the actor playing Christopher Darden – again a hayle of a job.  You can see that he is somewhat hesitant about being co-lead counsel because of his fear of being called an Uncle Tom by his community and thinking he only got the case because he’s black.  It’s a been there done that situation for him because it’s exactly how he felt in law school.  Marcia tried to empathize, and he reminded her that she doesn’t know how it feels because she’s white.

In a flashback, we see how Johnny was treated unfairly the police who routinely pulled him over for being a Black man driving a nice car in a nice neighborhood.  Interesting that 20 years later, we are still having the same conversation.  I loved how the camera panned to the police car and license plate – “to serve and protect”….not “harass and hurt”.

You also see Judge Ito start to get swept up by the celebrity of it all when he receives a signed Arsenio Hall photo.  I was surprised they didn’t show the Kardashian’s tonight.  We also get a quick glimpse of Johnnie Cochran’s home life, where he worked on his opening arguments and rhymes and such for his wife, brilliantly played by Keesha Sharp.

The most surprising thing I learned to tonight was how they set up a tour of Brentwood, including the Mezzaluna restaurant where Nicole dined and Ron Goldman work.  The jury also visited Nicole’s townhouse (which was vacant and on the market) as well as where the two bodies were found.  They also got to visit Rockingham Estates (OJ’s house).  Johnnie Cochran made sure that they “staged” the property before the jury came so they could control the impression that the jurors got.  Johnnie Cochran was a mastermind!  He removed naked photos of Paula Barberi (OJ’s current girlfriend at the time) and replaced them with African-American art and pics of OJ with his wheelchair bound mother.  Well played, Johnnie, well played.  I’m trying figga out why that was allowed to happen in the first place, and second, who does that?

OJ was there for the tours, but actually remained in the car when they visited Nicole’s old condo.  He was more jovial at his own home….but got increasingly discouraged as the time approached for him to return to jail.  Judge Ito did make them cover that big arse life-sized status in his front yard (garage in real life) with a sheet.

Johnnie delivered a couple of one two punches to Darden who asked him to be respectful.  “I ain’t tryna be respectful…I’m trying to win”.  And then later when Darden asked Judge Ito to rule against bringing up Mark Furman’s past because the use of the “N” word would blind the jurors and make them so emotionally, they view the evidence and the trial logically.  Johnnie got in that arse like Eddie Long and ended it with “N” word PLEASE.  I hollered.  You better READ then Johnnie Cochran.

He did give Darden a piece of advice – don’t put Mark Furman on the stand.  Let the white foke do that.  Which proved to be pretty solid advice, since Mark Furman was the worst witness ever.  I had no idea he had a drawer full of Hitler-supporting memorabilia…..but I guess it makes sense.  John Singleton directed tonight’s episode, reunitin’ with Cuba Gooding Jr again.  Who still doesn’t look, sound, or ACT like OJ.  I am all in for this series.  Matta fact, I’m acting like my black arse don’t know what happens in the end.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark cuz you need me in your life!

Is it too much to just want Liv to have her happily ever after with an unattached man?  Fitz FINALLY got a divorce from Mellie, moved Liv and all her clothes in, and she still couldn’t be happy.  Shonda put her right back in that lil arse apartment where her Daddy can continue to show up announced, pick her locks, and be up in there eatin’ up all her steak and drankin’ her wine.  And speakin’ of Daddy Pope, does he even pretend to still work at the Smithsonian?  Or did he retire and start drawin’ a pension from that fake arse job?  He need to pay back all the money them foke gave him for being a fake curator.

He was back tonight, and in full effect.  Dinin’ out with Liv, eating, you guessed it – steak and sippin’ on them foke red wine.  Then, he was back out on a park bench with her doin’ another one of those 180 second monologues not even takin’ time to catch his breath.  He must do breathin’ exercises to be able to do that sheeit.  He also told her that Jake got somebody.  Cuz again, he doesn’t want Liv to get too caught up in these “white boys” as he puts it.  Jake is livin’ with him (Daddy Pope) but spends erry night or erry other night at Liv’s place dry grindin’ and blowin’ Liv’s back all the way out.  And then he gets up and goes about his day.  I don’t think he even bother to make a bed or put away a dish.  Daddy Pope threw salt in his game, but it didn’t matter cuz Jake got that thane.  He told Liv he was being safe…the other chick was clean..and she ain’t have nothin’ to worry about why he laid on the flo’ givin’ Liv rug burns.  Bay Bay, he woulda had to get his arse all the way up outta my house.  I woulda thrown his clothes to him in the hallway.  You ain’t gon’ dry grind with me and the next broad too.  Liv is forever the side chick and never the main woman.  She is too much of a boss chick for that foolishness!

Cyrus was on his mad scientist sheeit…creating another President in his likeness.  He set his sights on the governor of Pennsylvania (Carlos Solis from Desperate Housewives, lookin’ fine even without the facial hair) and hatched a plan to have Tom (yes the ol’ B613 agent – chile that thane came up outta Cy’s office bathroom wearin’ a towel and no explanation) recruit a sniper to take out the governor.  I don’t think he wanted him taken out though..he wanted to make the governor a hero that saved the lives of others.  The sniper agreed to it because they threatened his young son.  Charlie ended up “babysitting” the son which was just code for keeping the kid in case he needed to kill him.  Charlie will do anythane for a buck with his ol’ blackhearted arse.  Quinn went with him but had no idea what the “plan” was.  The sniper did what he was ordered to do, and the son was saved.  And Cyrus created a hero (the governor) in the process…a hero who can be the next president.

David Rosen got the drawls of the Vice President and Lizzy Bear….and didn’t do a lick of work as Attorney General tonight.  Maybe lick is a bad choice of words, cuz Bay Bay, that thane got it in.  Fitz also got it in with that journalist even though Abby tried her best to cockblock.  Matta fact, there was so much sex going on tonight on Scandal that I was chain smokin’ Newpotes.  Errybody was dry grindin’ ‘ceptin’ Huck.  Prolly why his arse is mad all the time.

Liv tried to figga out if her daddy and Jake were up to something after Huck accused her of sleeping with the enemy.  He was trying to find out if she was collecting intel, but alas, she was just dry grindin’ and collecting peen.  Now she is opening up an investigation into Jake’s new girlfriend.  I wish I had an agency that coulda spied on a couple of my boyfriends when they were out in the streets cheating.  Next week, Liv is going to find out Fitz been blowin’ that lady (the journalist) back out.  Liv done lost step or 7 cuz both her men got other women.  I’m over here hoping Daddy Pope and Huck get to cup and rub them a little booty next week.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark cuz Cyrus and Huck both retweeted me tonight…

Lawd, with friends like Faye Resnick, who needs enemies?  Y’all know I am loving this series on FX, actin’ like I wasn’t there for the drama as it unfolded in real-life.  Like I wasn’t tuned in to CNN erry night for the breakdown of the court goings-on for that day…all the way up to OJ tryin’ on that glove with them big arse crooked arthritic hands and fangahs….and Johnny Cochran rhyming “if it doesn’t fit…you must acquit”.  Bay Bay…that was the FIRST foray into a reality show that any of us had ever seen.  This trial of the century had it all…murder, mayhem, debauchery, lies, foke on the run in white Broncos, threatened suicide, salacious pictures and foke past being brought out into the light.

We didn’t really know Nicole Simpson.  We thought of her as OJ’s ex-wife.  Black women more specifically thought of her as somebody who had stolen one of “our” men from his first Black wife.  But we were still able to view Nicole as a real victim, and her friend Ron Goldman as the goodhearted waiter who was happened to show up at the wrong place at the wrong time.

That is until Faye Resnick, Nicole Simpson’s BFF, showed up on the scene with a hastily written book (co-written with somebody from the National Enquirer) to capitalize off her friend’s murder.  I’ve always wondered what would have happened if Faye had just kept her trap shut until AFTER the trial.  Maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference, but it surely didn’t help.  You know “we” are good for putting victims on trial when it should be about the criminals that murdered, raped, abused, them.  And that is what happened.  Faye Resnick told us her friend was a loose woman who loved sex and loved pushin’ OJ’s buttons.  At the end of the day, that shouldn’t have mattered.  She didn’t deserve to get pulverized by the man who at one point vowed to love, honor, and protect her.  She sure as hell didn’t deserve to be brutally killed…to the point that she was pretty much decapitated….on the front steps of her condo while her children were upstairs sleeping.

Back then, I don’t think I knew about all the blood and DNA evidence.  DNA was still kinda new.  Plus Black foke were fresh off the L.A. riots.  We didn’t trust the LA police because we saw them beat that Black man down (Rodney King), using all kinds of racial slurs.  And now you wanted us to believe that the ringleader in that debacle, Mark Furman, could be believed in the OJ case/trial.  So yeah, we wanted to believe that if the LA cops were capable of beating that man up on video and getting off…then they were damn sho’ capable of framin’ a Black man, planting evidence, and leavin’ stray gloves lying around.  Mark Furman didn’t help by perjuring himself and then invoking his Fifth Amendment rights.  Chile please.

OJ did errythane but leave his Heisman Trophy and car keys at the scene of that crime, but he still got off because Black people on that jury felt that “they” (the man, the establishment, the LA cops) owed us one.  OJ got off because Marcia Clark and Chris Darden weren’t as smart as the Dream Team.  Johnny Cochran knew how to play their game, and beat them at it.  And in the process, people forgot about Nicole Simpson because she wasn’t the “right kind” of victim, even according to her bestie.

I guess if there’s any comfort for the Brown and Goldman families it’s that OJ is serving time in prison for something even if it isn’t for savagely murdering two people that balmy night in June.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark because sometimes I say profound sheeit.

Yassss Honey!  Been waiting so long for Scandal to come back, I near bout rot to death like Miss Sophia in The Color Purple.  Tonight was the night…and then Shonda did what she is notorious for doin’ – flashin’ forward 6 months.  And truthfully, I don’t know if it’s cuz I done got old or what, but I needed that whole 6 months cuz nothin’ made sense!

It was clear that Fitz and Liv were broken up, and they actually hadn’t spoken to each other in that whole time.  They had Fitz actin’ like a damn deadbeat – knocked that girl up and cain’t even call to check on her.  And that after she done put her feet in them people’s stirrups and had that abortion.  And not just that, Liv is a now a damn outsider.  Liv has ALWAYS had access to the White House and The President and whatnots, but not no mo.

Sally Langston was back tonight, still hostin’ that ol’ bootleg arse show and talmbout liberty.  I guess the same kinda freedom she gave her damn husband when she sent his arse on to glory with that kitten heel shoe.  Daddy Pope is still outta jail (I wonder if he got probation, cuz I ain’t see his arse checkin’ in and callin’ NOBODY) and was dinin’ at his favorite restaurant with Liv.  Yes, you read that right.  They back to bein’ father and daughter and drankin’ wine togetha and breakin’ bread.  She won’t go to her daddy’s house though cuz Jake is stayin’ ova there.  Daddy Pope claimin’ Jake as his son, so I’m wonderin’ if Daddy Pope also claiming Jake on his taxes, cuz Jake ain’t got his own apartment. This show, we watched him go back and forth between Liv’s and Rowan’s.  I guess he ain’t pay his rent last season and his arse got evicted.

And yes, you read that right…Jake and Olivia back to dry grindin’.  Olivia don’t let no grass grow under her feet nor cobwebs on that thane, Honey.  That sex scene between her and Jake was hot, hot, HOT!  Jake was workin’ her over like he needed somewhere to stay.  Oh that’s right- he did.  SHADE Honey!

Liv was supposed to be helping out a so-called WH whistleblower, but soon found out that Fitz REALLY ain’t checkin’ for her cuz he ain’t answer her call with his lonely arse.  He runnin’ the sheeit outta Red (Abby).  It’s apparent he ain’t got nothin’ else (or nobody) to do.  OPA and associates was on the case, trying to find the REAL whistleblower cuz ol’ girl was set up.  Marcus, (Harrison’s {Columbus Short} replacement, is trying to fit in as a new Gladiator, but Huck ain’t havin’ it and Marcus done been reduced to runnin’ errands, making snacks and ordering food.  This during Black History month!  Do betta, Shonda!

Come to find out Jake was behind ERRYTHANG (even killed a man and put him in the fridge) – Baby, Jake From State Farm so damn smooth sometimes, I be done forgot he’s a trained killa.  Jake ended up gettin’ that lady ol’ job at the WH, and was back at Daddy Pope’s eatin’ a steak after the press conference.  Fitz was glad to put his ol’ pal back in that position.

Daddy Pope told his daughter to stop cryin’ bout that lady job and go get her power back.  Surprisingly, Liv ain’t get nekkid (y’all know there’s power in that thane she got!) but instead went to Mellie to work with her on a tell-all book. Cyrus was back in his office, with his baby and that heaux he turned into a housewife nowhere to be found. I miss James.  Sho’ wish Jake hadn’t sent him on to glory.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark so you can read some amazing arse Tweets….

Now let me be completely transparent.  I ain’t watch the whole thing.  It was pretty clear 4th quarter that Peyton Manning was goin’ home with that mirror ball trophy.  Oh wait a minute..that’s Dancing With the Stars.  I mean that Vince Lombardo trophy (and no I ain’t google that – I like football when my team (and all of America’s team, still) is playing.  The Broncos sent the Panthers home hidin’ their tails and lickin’ their wounded paws.  The Panthers had an AMAZING run, and almost went undefeated in the regular season and got to the big game, while the rest of the teams were at home watching.  But in the words of that ol’ sage and bad driver, Brandy, (you rememba – she killed somebody), “Almost doesn’t count”.  I really wanted Cam nem to win – I like everybody to have at least one ring – but I’m thinking those black and yellow zebra print leggings were bad luck.  If’n he had worn some regular pants and stopped all that damn dabbin’, he probably woulda been kissing that trophy last night.  You know the football gods weren’t here for all of that he was doing.  The good news is he’s young…and he has the chance to come back next year.  Congrats to Peyton Manning though – what a way to ride out in the sunset (which is much betta than what happened with my babydaddy, Dan Marino, who still ain’t get one of them people’s rangs).

I don’t know who got the MVP award because I started watching Lifetime, but Beyonce & Bruno Mars deserved to share in that thane.  I was enjoying Coldplay even though I ain’t know the words to what they were singin’ and thought it was a bit Disney-ish with all those kids and colors and such.  But Honey….I got my WHOLE life (from cradle to damn near grave!) when Bruno Mars stepped out on that stage dressed in black leather doin’ the damn thane, followed by Beyonce high stepping on the FIELD like a drum majorette with her all girl crew.   Yassss!  And then when they had that dance-off challenge, Bay Bay, I lost 12 eyelashes, both eyebrows and ALL my baby hair.  Beyonce was thicka than a snicka (she done fell off that vegan thane and all them detoxes), but it didn’t stop her from grindin’ and droppin’ it low, like it was hot, and errythane in between.  She taught us all a lesson last night…even when you stumble, you don’t have to fall, you make that thane look like a part of the show and get right back up and into it without missin’ a beat.  I gave that recovery – a double squat jump – tens across the board!

Lady Gaga did an awesome job with the Anthem…cuz I was a lil bit scared.  You never know with her, but she left all that meat and other trickery at home (save the American Flag stripper shoes) and wore a nice red suit, even though them red eyelids and her lack of edges made me a little bit distracted in the beginning.  Sheeit..maybe she saw Beyonce and Bruno in rehearsals and they snatched her edges.

The Broncos won last night, but Beyonce was the clear winner, having put out a video and song between the hours of 4 and 5 p.m. on Saturday.  GOD rested on the 7th day, but Beyonce SLAYED, performing said song at the Super Bowl on Sunday.  That thane has a hayle of a marketing team.  Yes, I got one foot in the Beyhive cuz Imma fan of her grind.  I loved the video (which she directed – that is amazing to me!), but the words of the song don’t match.  I guess I expected the song to be deeper than a couple of references to the Black culture, Black Lives Matter, etc.  It is like the reverse of Janet Jackson’s Rhythm Nation if that makes sense.  Janet danced her damn arse off in that video, but the words of the song were deep.  There really isn’t anything that’s deep in Beyonce’s song, which is what makes the video so appealing because it IS deep.  I would have liked to see her lyrics go deep for a minute, though, instead of the usual “haters, I slay, Imma boss bih, bow down tricks, I rock labels” diatribe.  But that is her fanbase – they want her to sing about what she sings about to a good arse beat, and Formation does that…shouting out hot sauce and Red Lobster (free advertising, and my fave restaurant) as she talks about why she IS and shall always be the Queen Bey that she is.  Love wins, and Beyonce wins all the time.  She has time for her lyrics to grow up I guess.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark cuz all your friends do….

Bay Bay, I was all in for the premiere episode of this 10-part series like I didn’t know the outcome!  I just wish I coulda had snacks but alas, all this diet plan would let me eat was pickles, radishes and tic tacs.  Yeah, don’t ask.

Anyway, the premiere episode did not disappoint.  FX did an awesome job of casting….they got pretty much everybody right except OJ.  Now I done loved me some Cuba Gooding Jr since Boyz In Da Hood when he left his mama to live with his daddy, Furious Styles and even when he got out the car when Doughboy nem was about to avenge Rickey’s death.  Lawd Rickey.  Made enough on his tests to get into college, but had to go to the sto’!  And they shot him in his tennis shoe, but this ain’t about Rickey or how they threw him in the back of that car, took him home, and laid him on his mama’s plastic-covered couch.

So back to the movie.  I don’t think Cuba as OJ would look so strange if the other actors and actresses cast weren’t so spot on.  I mean they even got Kris Kardashian Jenner right, and she is sort of a bit player.  Marcia Clark looked like the real Marcia Clark even down to the high-strungness (is that a word) and frizzy perm.  Courtney Vance looked just like that smooth arse Johnny Cochran. I used to want to get into some kinda trouble so I could have him defend me (pro-bono of course).  And John Travolta BECAME Shapiro.  I don’t know if it’s the make-up or his ol’ arse bloated skin, but he looked just like that man.

Since everyone knows the storyline, I don’t really have to get into it other than this was the CRIME of the CENTURY, which was then followed by the TRIAL of the CENTURY.  It was as much about the attorneys involved and race, as it was about a well-loved popular former athlete who was an alleged abuser believed by many (mostly white people) to have nearly decapitated his ex-wife and a waiter (believed to be her love interest) in a well-to-do neighborhood (Brentwood) of L.A. in the wee hours of the morning.  Even though there appeared to be a mountain of evidence against O.J., he was acquitted.  Black people thought it was payback for what had happened with Rodney King and the L.A. cops (found not guilty in his savage videotaped beating) two years earlier.  Interestingly enough, OJ, at the time, hadn’t been “Black” for years.  But there’s nothing like a murder case against you to turn your arse right on back.  Or a child molestation case.

I’m here for the remaining 9 episodes of this series since the acting was so solid and the story is still one that grips you 20 years later.  I do feel for the Brown and Goldman families if they are watching it because I’m sure it brings back many sad memories and emotions from that tragic time.  I also wondered if OJ is watching…and then I remember that thane in a prison cell (sentenced to 33 years for robbery – yep…one of the harshest sentences for a robber to date – them people was bound to get him one way or the other) and they probably ain’t got nobody’s cable or FX channels in the penitentiary.  Whether you think he was innocent or got away with murder, this series is must-see t.v.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark cuz I asked nicely.