Whew Chile…where to begin?  Empire came back like a damn Lyon (get it?) tonight.  Lucious was still in them people’s jail..and Cookie hadn’t visited him, put money on his books OR sent him an email.  I think she changed her number after he called collect.  Anyway…a new prisoner (Frank Gathers) came on Cell Block 5, and Cookie’s cousin (who was in for armed robbery but had kilt Frank’s boy) was all scared and wanting protection.  I just knew somebody big and burly was gon’ step off that bus..but nawl, it was just frail arse Chris Rock.  Suge Knight woulda been better but since he done went blind and such….

Jamal nem put on a #FreeLucious concert and Al Sharpton (lookin’ thinner than a piece of paper) was in attendance.  Andre Leon Talley (Vogue) was also there to give shade (told Cookie her Gucci was last season and dismissed her).  Errybody seemed to be working against Jamal, who is now runnin’ Empire.  Marisa Tomei (yep, the Oscar winner and the only white girl on Different World (first season)) showed up as a rich lesbian who Cookie was wooin’ to help her take over Empire.  Marisa Tomei was feenin’ for some Boo Boo Kitty (litrally and figratively) so Cookie made Anika twerk somethin’ for Marisa.

Cookie nem busted up in Jamal’s board meeting thinkin’ they were takin’ over the comp’ny AGAIN (when is Cookie gon’ leave that man’s comp’ny alone?!) but got double-crossed by Marisa who made a better deal with Lucious.  Cookie told Anika that she shoulda slept with Marisa (I don’t remember her character’s name and too lazy to google it), at which point Anika told her she did.  Cookie told that thane she couldn’t even “dyke” right, and Bay Bay, I hollered!  Anika gave up the Boo Boo Kitty and let that lady dry grind all up on her and still didn’t get nothin’ from the deal.  She STAY losing.  I guess Marisa ain’t think Anika was all that in bed and had a V-8 afterwards.  Of course, Lucious joined the meeting via Skype from prison and called ’em all beetches.

Frank Gathers (Rock) meanwhile was in prison terrorizin’ Cookie’s cousin and tryna find out who dropped a dime on him. Frank had the cousin beat up, and then made him make conebread in his drawls.  The cousin told him that Cookie ordered the hit.  Frank Gathers sent Cookie a lil present which happened to be her cousin’s head in a big arse gift box.  That prison they got Lucious in must be low security as hayle cuz I saw like one guard and they was up in that bee eatin’ folks eyes and lobster dinners, purchasing gift wrapping services, and making videos for The Vine.

Cookie hightailed it down to Lucious to ask for protection from Frank Gathers.  Lucious went to Frank to talk to him…but Frank told him his beef was with Cookie.  That’s when Lucious told him he loves Cookie’s dirty pannies and if he got a beef with Cookie he got one with him (Lucious) too.  Frank stood up and told his minions to kill Lucious and do it quietly.  He ain’t realize that Lucious had recruited his goons with money for they fam’lies. Lucious turned the tables on that fool and told the goons to kill Frank instead..and make it loud.  Bye Frank-icia.

Cookie went to tell errybody (they were gathered at Lucious house) they were safe cuz Lucious had handled thanes from prison.  Jamal told them traitors to get out his house and promptly got slapped twice by Cookie on her way out.  He started cryin’ like a beetch, and the show went off.

All in all, good premiere with errybody and they damn mama in it (Miss Lawrence from RHOA even made an appearance, sangin’ Mighty Real and lookin’ like a fake arse Sylvester).  I just knew POTUS and the Pope were gon’ show up but they didn’t.  Oh well…there’s always next week!

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I am really tryna figga out what snacks I need when I watch Cookie nem tonight.  It seems like it’s been forever since she and Lucious graced our tv screens.  I really wanted to go to a premiere watch party but I need to be able to see and HEAR errythane as it happens…and you can’t do that with a group of Black foke.  I love us, but y’all know I’m tellin’ the truth when I say we ain’t right when it comes to tv shows and movies.  We will talk back to the screen like Jamal nem can really hear us.  I ain’t got time for that.  I don’t want to miss a thane so I’m staying home.

And with that, I need to make sure my 6 year old got what she needs – dinner, a bath, snacks, etc. cuz I am off the Mommy clock for the whole duration of Empire.  Unless she breaks BOTH arms, I don’t want to hear from her.  My husband can forget my name too while it’s on.  Betta not nobody come to my house or call my phone.  I don’t want any text msgs or inboxes.

And then tomorrow, it’s on for TGIT.  I have spent the better part of the month getting foke ready at McK (my kid)’s soccer practice.  You know…setting expectations about what it’s gon be like when Scandal returns.  They got these kids out there from 6 to 7:30.  I play no games bout Olivia and Jake From State Farm nem.  And Viola Davis done won that Emmy so you KNOW Imma need to watch HTGAWM to see if she not only removes her wig, lashes, brows and makeup…but also her legs or arms. Bay Bay, if she pulls off ANY appendage, she gon’ win that Oscar!  And I’m gonna be here for it!

Lucious and Daddy Pope are both gon’ be in jail when the shows start back, so that’s going to be interesting.  I had to remember that they are just characters because I thought about writing them both over the summer and sending them a few $$ to put on they books for commissary.  Lawd, I hope ain’t nobody tried to braid their hair or take they conebread in them people’s prison.

Are you excited for this week’s premieres?  Do you have YOUR snacks and drank ready?  I wonder if that white lady who had sooo much to say bout Viola Davis’ Emmy win gon’ be watchin’ or if she still smartin’ from Black Twitter rakin’ and roastin’ her over the hot coals of social media.  Bay Bay – I bet she won’t do that no’ mo.  It’s real out here in these Innanets streets…..

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I’m headed to my college homecoming (HC) in another month, and I am super excited.  I went to an HBCU (Historically Black College or University), and I’ve noticed foolishness and ratchet behavior at HC around this time every year.  Since many of you out there are headed to your own homecomings as well, I thought I would list 10 helpful “commandments”  for homecoming behavior, if you will, as you journey back to the “yard”.  I’m doing this solely because I care:

• Thou shalt not spend all your rent and bill money tryna “ball to you fall”. In other words, when you get back home, you gon’ need them lights and water.  So if you cain’t afford premium likka, water with lemon is the next best choice and is likely free.  MC Breed said it best “ain’t no future (i.e. lights, gas, water,) in you frontin’.”  Ask yourself if VIP is worth sittin’ in the dark burnin’ candles.

• Thou shalt not get sloppy drunk at parties. This should be a given, but as Big Mama used to say “Common sense ain’t all that common”.  First, your livah ain’t what it used to be when you were in your teens and early 20s.  Second, you are 40 now and likely somebody’s mama or daddy.  Maybe even somebody’s grandmama or granddaddy if you were dry grindin’ early.  Fallin’ all out, slurrin’ your words and peein’ on yourself (or even threatenin’ to) is NOT a good look.  And now with social media, somebody WILL post a video of you doin’ who knows what and you will have a meeting with your company’s HR department in the near future.

• Thou shalt not wear 10 minute shoes to 2 hour events and activities. I know it’s half homecoming and half fashion show at these HBCUs, but you know your feet.  Better to wear some cute flats than have them thangs swell up like you a distant relative of the Klumps.  Plus ain’t nothin’ cute bout havin’ knuckles where your toes are s’posed to be.

• Thou shalt not act like thine is sangle, when thine ain’t. If you married, don’t be tryna act like you ain’t got a spouse cuz yo’ arse back on the yard.  Infidelity does count, even out of town and even at homecoming.  Plus, you gotta go home and the other party has to go home too.  Prolly to a disconnect notice (see the first bullet above).  You don’t need that kinda stress.  Plus, y’all ain’t make it 20 years ago, so what makes you think you will now?  Get you a hug, exchange pleasantries and get thee the hayle on.  Late night creep sessions are no Bueno.

• If you are newly single, thou shalt not wild out. Be careful out there.  It ain’t as carefree as it once was back in the day.  Make sure you got some protection, and that you use it.  Maybe he was your first and vice versa back in the day, but y’all done had several boyfriends and girlfriends and even a husband or wife, or seven, so you need to act like he or she might have that Ebola or that Hepatitis C or something.  You might even consider wearing a Hazmat suit.  Magic Johnson might be cured of the “package” but you ain’t got Magic money and you ain’t Magic.  Plus, you can still get pregnant at 40 and 50, and I done already told y’all how old people shouldn’t have kids.

• Thou shalt not forget thine personal limitations. You cain’t go to every event or party and that’s perfectly reasonable. If there are fi’ parties happenin’ on one day, maybe you can only make two.  And that’s okay.  You old now..nobody expects you to still be able to kick it like when you were 20.

• Thou shalt not drop it like it’s hot if thou is sufferin’ from creaky joints, bursitis, bad knees, arthritis or any other ailment of old age. I know you are a former winner of the local club’s “Running Man” or “Back Dat Thang Up” contests, but you were 20 then.  Ain’t nothin’ worse than bein’ that old person in the club with your hand in the air talmbout “hey naaaaahhhhh” while droppin’ it to the flo’ and gettin’ stuck there.  Cuz if somebody has to help you stand back up, you gon’ end up on these Innanets (see bullet point above).Your kid looks appropriate doin’ the Nae Nae….you not so much.  Be done “Whipped” and caught a crick in your neck.  The two-step (movin’ side to side) is still a viable option for old people dancin’.  Or just do like Chaka Khan did on the first night of Dancing With The Stars and just stand there while the music plays.

• Thou shalt get thine beauty sleep. Schedule some nap time each day so you can look well rested at parties and events.  You already old (yes, I keep having to remind you cuz you might get to homecoming and forget), so you don’t need to present with extra wrinkles and lines cuz you stayed up until fo’ the night before.  A good moisturizer will only do so much.

• Thou shalt not show up at people’s tailgates, bbqs or house parties expectin’ to eat up where you go along and you ain’t put nothin’ on the party AND you empty handed. Consider bringin’ some boxed wine if yo’ money is short (see first bullet point above) or your own meat and bread.  Ribs and such are EXPENSIVE.  Foke got kids to feed now..they cain’t be feeding you too.  Plus, they get a tax deduction for them kids…

• Greeks, if you are at a party, thou shalt not put a hole in them people’s flo’ steppin’. Plus, you likely bought them shoes you got on with your last on the way to homecoming (see first bullet point above).  You don’t need to tear up nobody’s flo’ or your own soles.  Also, smellin’ like Icy Hot the next day all up and through the party will NOT be cool.

BONUS – Thou Shall NOT take unauthorized video and photos of foke and post them to social media.  Nobody needs to wake up the next day , when they hungover and wantin’ Waffle House, to texts and inbox messages talmbout how they Hittin’ The Quan all ova the Innanets.  Do unto foke as you would have them do unto you.  You don’t want unauthorized videos of you doin’ it for The Vine so give other foke that same courtesy.

I could go on and on with these homecomin’ commandments but I need to work on my own outfits for my Homecoming.  Oh yes, the spreadsheet is coming out complete with sort and filter functions, complete with outfit for each event, shoes, accessories and handbags.  (Hey I’m a CPA).  I also need to call the light and gas comp’ny to see if they will give me an extension for this month so I can be VIP at the all the homecoming parties when I hit Jackson.  Yasss…bout to get my WHOLE life!  In the words of that old sage, Big Mama, do as I say…and not as I do.    #theeilove

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Kim Davis is the court clerk in Rowan County, Kentucky (I don’t even know where this is but remind me never to go visit – I think it’s pretty close to Lexington but too lazy to look it up – shrug) and BEEN denying marriage licenses to gay couples there. Ever since the Supreme Court made the ruling that it was legal for gay couples to marry in the US earlier this year.  So that thane BEEN defiant for a long arse time.

She said she was denying the licenses on “GOD’s authority” when them people asked her bout it.  One couple done been denied so many times, the other employees know them up at that court.  They keep going back and leaving, cryin’ with they eyes swollen shut.  Kim Davis asked the Supreme Court if she could be excused from having to issue them marriage licenses. The Supreme Court just ruled against her request.

Here’s a thought for Kim – just quit!  I am not mad at her for taking a stand and believing in what she believes in.  However, she took an oath (certainly a damn job) to SERVE the community, the entire community which includes gay couples. She needs to step aside and then she can stay home and believe whatever she wants to within the four walls of her house.

Normally I wouldn’t have even picked up this story, but you know Twitter done told ALL that lady’s business including how she’s been married FOUR times.  Bye Kim-ecia!  You know good and damn well you don’t have a leg to stand on denying ANYBODY the right to be married when you done been down the aisle almost as many times as you got fangers on one hand!  Ol’ hypocritical don’t wanna do her damn job thane!

Here’s hoping she quits, because a contempt charge, fine and possible jail time ain’t worth it.  Somebody will be done braided that head of hers fo’ nightfall.  Let them couples gon’ get married…maybe you can be a guest at their weddings. I heard them gay weddings be FIRE.

Imma post her photo with this blog in case you curious as to what she looks like.  I’m still tripping over the fact that she got 4 separate men to marry her.  I know cute women who cain’t get ONE man.  She must have one hayle of a personality.

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A Chicago boy unskilled in the ways of the 1950s South was hanging out with some other kids, when he went into the neighborhood store, allegedly whistled at a white woman and asked her for a date.  Two days later, two white men with flashlights and guns entered the house of his great uncle (where he was staying) and forced him to come with them.  They beat the young boy mercilessly in a barn….his cries piercing the early morning sky.

Then they loaded him back onto the truck they kidnapped him in, drove him to the banks of the Tallahatchie River, forced him to get undressed and shot him in the head.  Not done yet, they tied a 75 lb gin fan to his neck and tossed him in the river.  And that is where Emmett Till’s life ended…at the same time it would serve as a catalyst for the Civil Rights Movement.

Emmett Till’s mother had sent him to Mississippi to visit relatives just two weeks before.  Money, Mississippi to be exact, whose tagline was “a good place to raise a boy”.  Yeah, that was probably correct unless you were a Black boy.  It was a good place to die as a Black boy.  Especially if you didn’t know “your place”.

Emmett’s mother would later faint at the site of her 14 year old son’s coffin when it arrived by train.  She made them open up that coffin, the stench of death and murder almost unbearable.  And when she saw what they did to her son – his right eye was gouged out and laying on his cheek, his nose was chopped like a meat cleaver had been taken to it, and there was a hole clean through his head – she wept.  And then she made the decision to let the WORLD see that image.  What those murderers who hated Black people had done to her son.

Black lives didn’t matter much then, and recent events have shown us they don’t seem to matter much now.  We only need to look to the Trayvon Martins, the Michael Browns, the Eric Garners, the Christian Taylors, the Sandra Blands, and the Freddie Grays of our time for that confirmation.  Even IF you are disrespectful to the police or you wear a hoody or you jump on top of a car, you don’t deserve an AUTOMATIC death sentence, just like Emmett Till did not deserve to be executed for allegedly whistling at that white woman in 1955.

Sixty years later, we remember Emmett Till, as we continue to fight for the justice of all our Black children who leave home each day.  Us mothers are praying that some overzealous police officer or community watchman does not decide that they are your judge, jury and executioner and you end up in a coffin.

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Really?  We gotta discuss this?  It appears that Future (the rapper that was all set to make Ciara his wife til he tripped & fell in the privates of his wardrobe consultant) got his man panties all in a wad cuz Ciara done got with Russell Wilson (Seattle Seahawks, host of the Kids Sports Awards (hey McK keeps me in the know!); and Russell Wilson is playing a very public daddy to his kid, baby Future.  Ain’t Future s’posed to be one of them “hard” rappers (i.e. not Drake)?  I’m confused then as to why he is deep sea divin’ in his feelings.  And not just that….he lettin’ it play out all ova these people’s Innanets.

Folks are either squarely on Future’s side (mostly men) or Ciara’s.  There’s the camp that thinks there should be a certain amount of time before your new boyfriend is allowed to be around your children from other men.  I get it.  If you are still “dating” around, you definitely don’t wanna expose your offspring to a bunch of different men (they called ’em “uncles” in my day…I’m STILL tryna figga who my real uncles are, but this ain’t bout me…) or flavors of the week.  It’s not healthy, and allows your kids to form bonds and attachment with foke who prolly won’t be there come Christmas ( or next month).  And you never know what some of these foke out here are doin’ or what their plans are for your kids – people are doin’ some diabolical sheeit.  You know it’s bad when Jared done gone from sellin’ Subway sammiches to buyin’ lil girls on Craig’s list.  So you gotta be EXTREMELY careful with your kids and try to keep them safe.  I get all of that.

BUT, you would need to assume that the person YOU laid down and produced a child with has better judgment than to expose your child to every Tom, Harry and Dick (pun intended) anyway.  And that they would do, at the very least, a Google and Zoom search on the person they are dating.  On paper, Russell Wilson looks like a great guy.  Dare I say, he appears to be MAJOR upgrade from Future.  He appears to want something long-term with Ciara and has the type of resume that would make him an awesome step-parent (or mentor if things don’t work out…cuz let’s face it, Ciara ain’t got a good track record in keeping a man but I still adore her!) so having said all of that, Future should be happy that Russell is with Ciara and offering what seems to be additional TLC for his kid.  Matta fact, Future needs to send that man one of them candied fruit gift baskets and a thank you card.

But noooo…he is too caught up in his feelings.  Prolly hummin’ the song bout Feelings (whoa whoa Feelings) late at night when nobody’s looking.  It is NOT realistic for a man to think that a woman he had a baby with and BROKE up with will not have other men around his child at some point.  Does having your baby means that if you leave, she can’t date until said child is 18?  Never have a chance at love again?  Never get married?  That’s ASININE.  Because best believe, Future gon’ be out getting it in and dating, and if he sees someone seriously (like Russell and Ciara) he is going to have that lady around Baby Future.  He did THAT with Ciara.  Ciara was around all his other kids (I would say how many he got but I’m not sure…I think 4. I know it’s more than 2).  I’m going to venture to say that if Future was SOOOO concerned about his son hugging another man..or another man pushing his baby’s stroller, he should have STAYED with Ciara.  You don’t get to break it off with a woman, but leave your seed, and then think you still controlling her and her situations.

Future should focus on being the BEST father he can be, learn to co-parent with Ciara (and Russell IF he becomes the stepfather) AND continue to be in Baby Future’s life ‘fo that chile start calling Russell “daddy”.  Future gon’ go crazy stalkin’ Instagram and Twitter for pics of his son and Russell together.  He already acting unstable, cryin’ on social media cuz his son all hugged up on Russell Wilson at them people’s training camps.

Get it together Future…not a good look.  Children need all of the REAL love they can get.  Think of Russell as a “bonus” parent or mentor to your chile, and not the new man hittin’ yo’ ol’ chick and takin’ your kid for ice cream.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

I haven’t been over here in a minute.  I been busy writing.  Some things have happened, but I just ain’t been moved to speak on them.  Until today.  I want to talk (I feel like a preacher….”today I want to talk to you about…”) about the Espys (more specifically Caitlyn Frances Agnes Jenner (when y’all find another 60 year ol’ Caitlyn y’all can introduce me to, I will stop renaming this one) receivin’ them people’s award for courage; AND that lady down there in Myrtle Beach who ate that restaurant pert near outta business yesterday.

I know I will be flamed for this (and if it means a lot of foke comin’ to my blog and drivin’ up my numbers, let the fiyah begin!) but I just don’t see what is soooo courageous about Bruce Jenner decidin’ to openly cross-dress because I don’t think he has had the gender reassignment surgery yet.  Here’s a man who was the greatest athlete in the world at one point (and on a right smart of cereal boxes).  He got rich off his athletic prowess and bankable good looks with all kinds of endorsements, not unlike a lot of athletes during that time.  He got married not once…not twice…but three times I believe, all the while knowing that he wanted to be a woman.  And not only did he drag at least TWO of those women down the road of deceit (the jury is still out on how much Kris Kardashian knew and she done had so much of them people’s surgery, I cain’t tell if she cryin’ for real or if her eyes are waterin’ cuz she been Botoxed to the high heavens), he had a pair of kids with errybody he married.  All the while knowin’ he wanted to wear the thigh-high stockings, pumps and dresses in the relationships.  If there is confusion on someone’s part about gender, I don’t understand why they would bring children into all of that.  I’m glad the kids support it…and even gladder it ain’t me.

Then Bruce became plastic-lookin’ and the “joke” of the reality show that is the Kardashians.  I swear I couldn’t believe it was the same man from the 70s. He looked like he had got some of them ol’ six-million dollar man (google it if you were born past 1980) parts and repurposed them onto his body.  Just a shell of his former self that errybody made fun of.  I was tryin’ to see how Kris was still attracted to that, but money and prestige will make even Fire Marshall Bill look cute.  Bruce nem got EVEN RICHER.  And then….he decided he gave no effs and shaved down his Adam’s Apple….start getting manicures…got back on them people’s hormones to grow breasts….let his ponytail grow..and started wearing dresses.  Living in his truth is what he calls it….though it took him 60 years and broken families left in his wake…to get to that realization.  Did I forget to mention that he now has a reality show to chronicle his transition to Caitlyn?  I’m sorry if I can’t take that serious.  He is NOT the torch bearer for the trans community because 99% of them are NOT famous…don’t have tons of money and prestige…and they damn sure don’t have an Arthur Ashe award for courage.  So flame me if you must, but I wasn’t moved by his speech, because I didn’t think he deserved it.  Dying from cancer while being committed to playing the sport that you love is courageous.  Losin’ limbs in a war fighting for other people’s freedom is courageous.  Fighting cancer at the tender age of four is courageous.  I will give the ESPYs and ABC Networks props though for seeing an opportunity to increase their ratings and elevate their brand and jumpin’ on it.  I just won’t.

Now, I do wanna speak about this lady who ate up all them people’s food at that restaurant in Myrtle Beach.  This is a call to let that lady outta jail.  There have been some strides made in SC in the area of race relations lately.  I wouldn’t be surprised if that lady attended a Black church, heard some Black gospel songs from the choir, and got confused.  With songs like “JESUS paid it all…”, “JESUS is on the main line, tell him what you want…” and “JESUS may not come when you want HIM to but HE’s always right on time…” I can see how a white lady might get confused bout the LORD payin’ her buffet bill when it came due.  However, she has to understand that JESUS is not on demand like cable.  That when you call the main line, you might get a message that JESUS is experiencin’  extremely high call volume and you have to try your call again later (there is a lot going on, lil white lady, I’m sure payin’ for buffets for somebody who looks like they could miss a meal or seven ain’t real high on JESUS’ list).

JESUS helps those who help themselves.  So y’all cain’t take the songs you hear in a Black church or on BET during Sunday’s gospel hour and run with them litrally and figratively.  And I’m doing this because I care.  I don’t want y’all to start a trend where you go to Kroger’s and put  all kinds steaks, and crab legs, and coconut shrimp in yo’ baskets and think you  can tell them JESUS done paid it all and ride out.  I don’t want you to be pumpin’ gas, and think you gon’ use JESUS’ debit card number to cover it.  And I don’t want you out here shopping for back to school clothes and tellin them foke to charge it to JESUS.  You gon’ end up in jail just like this white lady.  I hope she learned her lesson, and I hope she gets out soon.  She gotta be starvin’ on them lil portions and that lil piece of conebread I hear they give you in jail…..  Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

I have been trying to figure out what to say on this topic all day.  I purposely stayed away from the news about it….social media postings, etc. just trying to wrap my mind around this tragedy.  Used to be churches were safe places, off limits to guns,  but in the wake of the massacre that happened last night, there are no truly safe places when racists with murder in their hearts and guns in their hands live among us.

You have to have an ol’ hardened BLACK heart to go into a sanctuary, on prayer meeting night to boot, and kill the worshipers and the pastor.  And they said this racist killer didn’t just go in the church and start shooting.  No…he asked for the pastor by name and sat next to him for an HOUR during the service before standing up and announcing he was there to kill Black people.

I am wondering what the folks who always say there is no racism in this country, the “y’all got a Black president, so y’all should be good” crew think.  Should we still be good?  For the past several months, it has been open season on Black people by those who have been called to protect and serve.  Just a couple of weeks ago in my own backyard, a police officer went all Mortal Kombat on teens who were guilty of SWB – Swimming While Black.  It’s starting to become really clear that if you are a Black person, you’d better be careful driving, swimming, shopping, eating, and now, praying.

I can’t even imagine what it must have been like in that sanctuary when the shooting began.  I’m sure when he sat down, somebody there probably prayed for him.  Little did they know, there was a racist killer among them.  Because only a crazed racist killer would go into a CHURCH of praying folks and open fire.  There’s a popular argument that guns don’t kill people..people kill people.  Well, try arguing that with the survivors of last night’s massacre.

They showed that racist murdering bastard’s FB profile photo and he looked crazy!  He was also wearing anti-black clothin’ with a deep scowl on his face.  Just looking like a ticking time bomb ready to kill up Black people.  Said he actually told the worshipers as he was shooting “you rape our women….you’ve taken over this country…and now you have to die”.  Premeditated, cold, cruel, heartless, calculating and RACIST.

And let’s talk about how he was treated AFTER he killed 9 people who were mothers, sisters, brothers, fathers, friends in a church.  He wasn’t thrown to the ground.  He wasn’t shot in the back.  He didn’t have knees on his spine.  He wasn’t even the least bit roughed up.  It made me compare him to the guy behind on child support the police officer shot in the back after a traffic stop.  I also compared him to the guy whose spine was severed by police officers.  And of course, I compared him to the McKinney teen in the bikini who a police officer slammed so hard to the ground, she damn near bounced. Yet, you had this guy who went in a church, A CHURCH…GOD’s HOUSE…and murdered NINE innocent victims and he was arrested like he had just jaywalked.

I’ll be watching to see what leaders that don’t look like me have to say about this tragedy.  This HATE crime of terrorist proportions.  If they will speak out in support of the victims’ families.  If this will get as much publicity as Rachel Dolezal identifying as Black.  I have a question for her, by the way, being Black while interviewing on the top newshows and mulling reality show offers and book deals is one thing.  Try being Black when you get pulled over by the police.  When you are in a neighborhood and your neighbors don’t want you there.  When you go to church to pray and end up in a body bag.  Let me know how THAT goes for you.

My heart aches for the victims of this senseless hate crime and their families.  I don’t usually condone the death penalty but if it was ever warranted, this case is it.  I would volunteer to flip the switch or to get the needle ready.  So my Black face would be the last face he’d see.  Would seem fitting for a crazed racist killer who went into a Black church and declared that open season on Black folks is here to stay. Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

Well not really, but Imma think about it and have to close my eyes, count to ten, call on the name of Sweet Baby Jesus and try to find my inner zen.  Hallmark done made me mad targeting Black foke with the foolishness of celebrating single mothers on Father’s Day.  I think I will go to my neighborhood Wal-mart…and Target…and Albertson’s and even CVS to see if they have some of these cards that say “For You, Mom, on Father’s Day”.  I’m gon’ snatch and hide all of ’em behind the nude Leggs’ pantyhose in the stocking section of the sto’.  I mean really…whose “brainchild” was this?  And I probably wouldn’t be as fiyah hot if the cards were in the “mainstream” section–targeted to errybody.  But nooooo…they gotta be marketed to me and all of my sisters (this does NOT include YOU, Rachel Dolezal, I don’t care how you be identifyin’ nor how your hair be teased and popped).

I think it’s mostly a slight against deadbeat arse fathers.  I can understand the outrage – grown arse foke are supposed to take care of their children.  These kids didn’t send us a text and ask us to bring them here.  I actually sat down one day and tried to come up with excuses that would make a man NOT be there for his child.   I couldn’t come up with ONE.  Hayle, I couldn’t come up with 1/8th of one.  However, there is no reason to focus on what these deadbeats ain’t doing on the one day a year when fatherhood is celebrated.  There are real dads out here braiding hair, giving baths, working to take care of their families, makin’ nasty spaghetti, teaching kids how to ride bikes, holding hands, kissing boo-boos, giving hugs, and providing tough love when necessary.  THAT should be celebrated.  I get mad when I see this type of tomfoolery because it is a slap in the face to the men that are doing what they are supposed to do.  A real man (Caitlyn Margaret Agnes Francis Jenner excluded) would probably look at you crazy if you gave him a mother’s day card.  We mothers would be up in arms too if we logged on to Facebook and saw that craziness on our day.  We’d probably go in, unfriend and hide that sheeit from our timelines.  But we probably wouldn’t have to, because the dude it was directed to would likely call that mess out.

So why then do we feel comfortable doing it to fathers on Father’s Day?  There has got to be a market for it because we know greeting card companies ain’t in the business of doin’ sheeit to lose money.  I gotta surmise that somebody is out here buyin’ these cards like hotcakes.  And the somebody is us.  Which is sad because no matter what we do as mothers, we will NEVER be fathers.  We will NEVER be able to fill the void of an absentee dad.  We will succeed in being EXCELLENT mothers, and that should be enough.  There are some lessons, some things we cannot teach, some things we cannot provide which is why Dad is needed.  GOD in HIS INFINITE wisdom knew that it would take that perfect balance of mother and father to rear a balanced child.  And I don’t care what your children tell you – they want their dads in their lives.  I don’t care how absent he’s been…how he doesn’t call when he says….doesn’t pick them up like he says…doesn’t pay child support.  They still WANT their dads!  I know because my husband is over 40 and he still yearns for his and the relationship they never had.  Sheeit…I didn’t find out who my daddy was until I was 18 and I STILL wanted his ol’ brokedown arse.  And a paternity test, but I digress.  Hayle, y’all know I’m a skeptic.

So with all that being said, let’s take a step back, take a deep breath, and stop buying these damn cards.  Make Hallmark take ’em off the shelves.  On the one day that a father is celebrated, let’s celebrate the good dads.  Let’s cuss the deadbeat out under our breath and in our minds, but send him a card…call him…say something nice about him in front of our children.  This could be the one Father’s Day that could change all the past ones.  Let him talk to his kid….maybe he will be moved to start doing the right thing.  Because at the end of the day, we have some responsibility in the situation.  I hope no one is laying down unprotected with a loser but the truth is, it happens more than we think.  Signs are there, if you really get to know a person, that he “could” be a deadbeat.  Discernment is key.  For instance, you shouldn’t find somebody who isn’t gainfully employed sexy enough to dry grind with ’em.  If you got mo’ liabilities than assets, I ain’t gon’ neva take my clothes off with you.  We choose our children’s parents so we gotta do better.

And we gotta stop buying these damn cards!  Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there.  If you are doing right by your children, I applaud you.  If you are not, today is another day to get it right.  Cuz if’n I see you out in these streets, I might consider also kicking YOU in the throat.

Follow Me on Twitter @staylorclark

So just when I was wonderin’ what I would blog about after Daddy Pope got sent to jail on the Scandal Finale AND they finally turned the lights on on the set of How To Get Away With Murder……Rachel Dolezal happened.  It was like getting pennies from heaven, cuz even though I’m super late on this issue, I gotta weigh in.  But first, I got to say – Won’t He Do It?  I wonder if Rachel even knows what that means, but I digress.

Rachel Dolezal is the white woman who been passin’ for Black ever since she got a Pell Grant and them foke’s scholarship money to attend Howard University.   I mean she been playin’ Black for almost twenty years from what I can gather from these Innanets.  She must be one hayle of an actress cuz I don’t know how she was able to get away with it for so long.  It’s interesting to note that she started college at Belhaven University in Mississippi, where she did not attempt to pass for Black.  Nobody wants to be a Black woman in Mississippi (or a Black man for that matter) so she’s at least smart.  And then she transferred to Howard University, and this is where she apparently went all Different World.

America IS a melting pot, and because of that and all the racial “blurring”, I would not have been able to tell Rachel was not biracial just looking at her.  She definitely looked the part – afro all light, fluffy and moisturized.  Braids all meticulously done.  With hair color.  Skin all tanned and a good shade of beige.  She fooled enough people to become the president of her local NAACP chapter.  You know Frederick Douglas done rolled over and stood up in his grave behind that!  And she is an authority on the Black race, and expert if you will, in the Spokane (Washington) community.

All of this begs the question on how this happened, and why?  I can’t really relate to what’s goin’ on with this issue (though those #AskRachel quotes were funny as HAYLE on Twitter – y’all know Black Twitter ain’t got no filters when it comes to roastin’ foke).  Hayle, I even jumped into the fray, albeit late – “Is #AskRachel ova, cuz I wanna ask her how she cook her greens?”.  I can’t relate, y’all.  I don’t think I could play a convincing white woman even if my skin wasn’t chocolate brown.  I mean, I know a right smart of white women.  They are mostly successful…smart…well-educated…connected..with good jobs….good credit…houses…cars…husbands…kids.  I “think” they get to shop without folks thinking they might steal something.  I “think” they get to go to the bank and actually get loans and credit cards.  I “think” they get married at a higher rate than Black women, and I “think” their engagement rings are usually bigger.  I “think” they get to pretty much do what they wanna do, and they do pretty well in business…getting promoted regularly without havin’ to worry about the “angry Black woman” syndrome that plagues me and my sisters alike in corporate America.  I “think” they get to bring their WHOLE selves to work…and not have to pretend to be someone else to make themselves more palatable to the powers that be.  I “think” they get to be celebrated as standards of beauty, and even when they do something or get something that Black women been doin’ or havin’ for DECADES (see butts, lips, etc), it is lauded as the IN thing.  Yeah, I wouldn’t know enough about being a white woman to portray one even if my skin didn’t tell the truth.

So, HOW did this happen?  Maybe it’s us.  We’ve created a generation of foke that think they can be anything…do anything…say anything.  We’ve told them it’s okay to color in and outside of the lines when it comes to gender.  You get to choose if you want to be a man or a woman (look at Caitlyn Jenner (who I’ve affectionately renamed Margaret Francis Agnes Jenner because I don’t know no 65 year ol’ Caitlyns)).  You can be on the basketball team even if you suck, and you will still get a trophy.  You get to wear your hair and your clothes however you want because you have that freedom, even if you sag and show your underwear.  And freedom of speech lets you say whatever in the hayle you want. Whenever you want.  So honestly, society must take at least 1/16th of the blame.  We’ve blurred the lines in a lot of sheeit so to speak.  I still don’t know how she got away with it for so long.  Rachel shoulda been sniffed out a long time ago.  ESPECIALLY at Howard University, an HBCU.  The fact that she was able to infiltrate and assimilate speaks volumes.  Or maybe it’s saying that just like being transgender, you can be transracial.  I still don’t think I could declare myself a white woman, and have ANYBODY believe that sheeit though.  I find it hilarious that her parents outed her, albeit decades late.  She must have made them mad.  You know, not shown up for dinner or called enough.

So where do we go from here?  Maybe we don’t go anywhere.  Maybe we talk about this for two more days until the next news story breaks.  Maybe we play a few more rounds of #AskRachel, laugh and move on.  I do know there are more important things to talk about.  But, we gotta at least talk about THIS.  Rachel Dolezal has claimed an oppression…a struggle…that wasn’t hers to claim.  She must not have done her research, because last I checked, being a Black woman was HARD as hayle.  Just last week, a young Black girl wearing a bikini was being thrown to the ground by a police officer for SWB (swimming while Black).  We die sooner…get married less…make less money…have less power…the list of “lesses” go on and on, unfortunately.  Why she would feel comfortable claiming that (especially after spending some time in Mississippi) perplexes the hayle outta me.

Again, I’m interested to see how this plays out BUT I still think if I was one of her friends, I’da sniffed her right on out after just a little while.  The whole being born in Montana thing woulda been the first clue.  Askin’ her to cook greens and make hot water conebread would have pretty much sealed the deal on her being White because I bet her soul food is rather nasty.  I’m sure she cain’t make macaroni and cheese unless it comes out the box.  Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark