I haven’t been over here in a minute.  I been busy writing.  Some things have happened, but I just ain’t been moved to speak on them.  Until today.  I want to talk (I feel like a preacher….”today I want to talk to you about…”) about the Espys (more specifically Caitlyn Frances Agnes Jenner (when y’all find another 60 year ol’ Caitlyn y’all can introduce me to, I will stop renaming this one) receivin’ them people’s award for courage; AND that lady down there in Myrtle Beach who ate that restaurant pert near outta business yesterday.

I know I will be flamed for this (and if it means a lot of foke comin’ to my blog and drivin’ up my numbers, let the fiyah begin!) but I just don’t see what is soooo courageous about Bruce Jenner decidin’ to openly cross-dress because I don’t think he has had the gender reassignment surgery yet.  Here’s a man who was the greatest athlete in the world at one point (and on a right smart of cereal boxes).  He got rich off his athletic prowess and bankable good looks with all kinds of endorsements, not unlike a lot of athletes during that time.  He got married not once…not twice…but three times I believe, all the while knowing that he wanted to be a woman.  And not only did he drag at least TWO of those women down the road of deceit (the jury is still out on how much Kris Kardashian knew and she done had so much of them people’s surgery, I cain’t tell if she cryin’ for real or if her eyes are waterin’ cuz she been Botoxed to the high heavens), he had a pair of kids with errybody he married.  All the while knowin’ he wanted to wear the thigh-high stockings, pumps and dresses in the relationships.  If there is confusion on someone’s part about gender, I don’t understand why they would bring children into all of that.  I’m glad the kids support it…and even gladder it ain’t me.

Then Bruce became plastic-lookin’ and the “joke” of the reality show that is the Kardashians.  I swear I couldn’t believe it was the same man from the 70s. He looked like he had got some of them ol’ six-million dollar man (google it if you were born past 1980) parts and repurposed them onto his body.  Just a shell of his former self that errybody made fun of.  I was tryin’ to see how Kris was still attracted to that, but money and prestige will make even Fire Marshall Bill look cute.  Bruce nem got EVEN RICHER.  And then….he decided he gave no effs and shaved down his Adam’s Apple….start getting manicures…got back on them people’s hormones to grow breasts….let his ponytail grow..and started wearing dresses.  Living in his truth is what he calls it….though it took him 60 years and broken families left in his wake…to get to that realization.  Did I forget to mention that he now has a reality show to chronicle his transition to Caitlyn?  I’m sorry if I can’t take that serious.  He is NOT the torch bearer for the trans community because 99% of them are NOT famous…don’t have tons of money and prestige…and they damn sure don’t have an Arthur Ashe award for courage.  So flame me if you must, but I wasn’t moved by his speech, because I didn’t think he deserved it.  Dying from cancer while being committed to playing the sport that you love is courageous.  Losin’ limbs in a war fighting for other people’s freedom is courageous.  Fighting cancer at the tender age of four is courageous.  I will give the ESPYs and ABC Networks props though for seeing an opportunity to increase their ratings and elevate their brand and jumpin’ on it.  I just won’t.

Now, I do wanna speak about this lady who ate up all them people’s food at that restaurant in Myrtle Beach.  This is a call to let that lady outta jail.  There have been some strides made in SC in the area of race relations lately.  I wouldn’t be surprised if that lady attended a Black church, heard some Black gospel songs from the choir, and got confused.  With songs like “JESUS paid it all…”, “JESUS is on the main line, tell him what you want…” and “JESUS may not come when you want HIM to but HE’s always right on time…” I can see how a white lady might get confused bout the LORD payin’ her buffet bill when it came due.  However, she has to understand that JESUS is not on demand like cable.  That when you call the main line, you might get a message that JESUS is experiencin’  extremely high call volume and you have to try your call again later (there is a lot going on, lil white lady, I’m sure payin’ for buffets for somebody who looks like they could miss a meal or seven ain’t real high on JESUS’ list).

JESUS helps those who help themselves.  So y’all cain’t take the songs you hear in a Black church or on BET during Sunday’s gospel hour and run with them litrally and figratively.  And I’m doing this because I care.  I don’t want y’all to start a trend where you go to Kroger’s and put  all kinds steaks, and crab legs, and coconut shrimp in yo’ baskets and think you  can tell them JESUS done paid it all and ride out.  I don’t want you to be pumpin’ gas, and think you gon’ use JESUS’ debit card number to cover it.  And I don’t want you out here shopping for back to school clothes and tellin them foke to charge it to JESUS.  You gon’ end up in jail just like this white lady.  I hope she learned her lesson, and I hope she gets out soon.  She gotta be starvin’ on them lil portions and that lil piece of conebread I hear they give you in jail…..  Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark