Empire Recap – Hostile Takeover

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I can’t stand Thirsty (Lucious attorney that he met in prison).  I’m surprised his law license ain’t suspended – Lucious might wanna check to make sure he ain’t been disbarred. Thirsty took his arse out to the playground and found Jamal’s s’posed daughter and snatched a chunk of hair outta that little girl’s Afro.  Like who does that?  I wanted that baby to knee his arse in the damn groin.  He took that hair to Maury and surprise, surprise, Jamal is NOT the father. I wish Jamal woulda Nae Nae’d. I thought we knew that already though.

Andre went to visit his grandma’s grave with Lucious.  Andre has the most emotional depth of any of the characters and it’s touching to hear what he says to his Nana (even if some of the dialogue is a little bit cheesy).  Lucious talked Andre into helping him sabotage Hakeem.  Speaking of Hakeem, I am surprised that Hakeem is still runnin’ Empire. I ain’t even sure if he has a GED or not let alone an Associate’s.  Not saying that is needed but usually a younger CEO gon’ have more education since he ain’t got nobody’s experience unless dry grindin’ with most of the women on the show is considered experience.

Lucious sabotaged Hakeem so bad last night, I woulda just gave up and told him he won.  First, he had his goons break in and still Camilla’s old designs and She by Sheree fashions…and then he had them plant drugs in the tour equipment and such so Hakeem’s girl groups ain’t have no mics to sang in.  Then he had Andre sabotage the app that was supposed to be rolling out, which left Hakeem standing in front of the Empire shareholders at their annual meeting lookin’ crazy.  At least he wasn’t wearing a comic book suit.

Of course, Lucious was at the meeting (havin’ held a meeting of a bunch of white people at his house earlier for the premiere of his video where they told him they want him back in charge) and stood up with his own gold mic, engineering a hostile takeover with questions that left Hakeem cryin’ for his mama.  Cookie smoothed thanes over (in a beautiful gilded gold dress – you betta come through Marilyn McCoo from Solid Gold) and assured the shareholders the family was gonna work together.  Them white folk and such clapped but later ousted Hakeem’s arse at the next meeting. You know white foke don’t play bout they money.

Boo Boo Kitty (Anika) and Rhonda done became best friends cuz Rhonda don’t know that Boo Boo Kitty pushed her down a whole flight of stairs and made her lose that baby.  Rhonda staying with her now..and brought Anika back to Lucious’ house where Anika announced she was pregnant with Hakeem’s baby.  All that dry grindin’ that boy done done with not 1/10th of a condom and he had to get his daddy’s ex-fiancee’ pregnant.  Cookie popped him in the head cuz she ain’t have a broom, and they mentioned she should get rid of her baby.  Anika wasn’t going for it though and said she wants her baby to have a family.  Chile.  Where HER parents and foke at? Girl Bye.

Lucious went to her house and tried to buy her arse out (like he usually does) but she wasn’t having it.  He offered her $10 million to give that baby up after birth but she refused.  Bay Bay…I woulda tried to have that baby prematurely and handed that lil thane right over, took the money and moved to the Caribbean.  Sheeit…I was sitting there wishin’ I had gotten pregnant by Hakeem’s arse.

Freda got replaced on Jamal’s record in favor of a bigger star (Cookie’s doing..she don’t want Freda around her boys), after she pistol whipped a dude for sittin’ in her daddy’s chair at the barber shop where she work. That po’ thane still don’t know Lucious killed her daddy.  They doing Freda bad.  That thane ain’t signed nobody’s contract but yet they have her runnin’ back and forth from her hood by train, bus, subway, etc. to they studios.

And then the finale…Thirsty went to a nursing home to see HIS mama or so I thought…and that’s where we discovered Lucious momma ain’t really dead.  Chile, that lady was sittin’ up in that rockin’ chair like Miss Sophia like she had damn near rot to death…talkin’ to herself and sangin’.  Thirsty left her some money….and I guess checked to make sure she don’t try to get out.  The way that thane looked and sounded, he ain’t neva got to worry bout that.  But you know he does have to worry about that.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark …

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