That’s what I said when Sunday when I was drivin’ around tryna find an Easter egg hunt for my 6 year old. Old people ain’t got no business havin’ kids. I had McKenzie at 39 and don’t know what the hayle I was thinking. Just know when your husband try tells you ‘one mo time..this time with the baby oil’, don’t go for it. But I digress. The first egg hunt I found was actually held last weekend. I’d looked at the website and found the 2015 flyer. I’m talmbout I drove FAR to get to this thane to find out I was a week too late.
So like any mom who doesn’t want to disappoint her kid, I pulled beside the road and googled on my phone til I found an egg hunt in the area. It was at a winery. And my first thought was how Jesus performed the miracle of turnin’ water into wine..and I actually said “Look at GOD” which is the same thane Johnnie Cochran said when them Mark Fuhrman tapes fell into his arms like “Manna From Heaven”. I don’t know if he REALLY said that but I wouldn’t have been mad if he did. You couldn’t write that ending in a best selling novel!
Tonight’s episode, as you can gather, was all about how…the prosecution’s case got turned upside down (in my Fresh Prince of Bel-Air voice) because they hung it on Fuhrman, who had been busy selling the story of his bad behavior as an LAPD cop to a screenwriter in the wake of the Rodney King beating. Fuhrman didn’t need to take the stand. Fuhrman actually shouldn’t have been allowed at the crime scene. I think he used the N word in those tapes over 40 times…AND he admitted to framin’ Black foke in the past.
Once they started considerin’ OJ a suspect, Fuhrman shoulda been excused and sent home. But instead he became the lead investigator, scalin’ fences without an arrest warrant, and findin’ gloves and blood and socks and sheeit. If allowin’ OJ to try that glove on in open court was a horrible mistake, allowing Fuhrman as the prosecution’s key witness was yet another one. And then that racist thane (who again had to be the cop to find the glove, the sock, the blood, the DNA, the hair fibers, the Bronco, etc.) lied about using the N word in a preliminary hearing and had to resume the stand after the tapes were discovered.
Under the re-direct (Bay Bay, between HTGAWM and this series on FX, I’m a low-key lawyer so don’t be surprised at my command of legal terms), that thane knew his arse had lied and was about to be caught up by Johnnie nem. Instead of saying he lied, he invoked his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination and refused to answer. In some type of legal rule, once he’d invoked that right..it was an all or nothing situation (once he invoked it on the first question, he had to invoke it for all remaining questions). And you know what Johnnie did – pounced on that thane like he was prey and Johnnie was a lion with this question: “Mr. Fuhrman did you manufacture evidence in this case?” Mark Fuhrman again pleaded the Fifth which made it appear he did indeed plant evidence in this case. Chile…you couldn’t make this stuff up!
And just like that, OJ moved closer to acquittal. Never mind the DNA evidence or the glove, because no one could be sure that Fuhrman didn’t plant all that. He had admitted to doing it in the past and didn’t answer the question when asked directly regarding the case. Never mind OJ learned how to first use a knife in Roots. Or that he “supposably” had bad knees but put out a workout video 2 weeks prior to the murders and did all that runnin’ in them Hertz commercials.
I gotta say this too – the entire cast is acting their natural arses off! I’m talmbout if they don’t give these foke at least a Hoody award, Imma tear up Twitter AND Instagram. By the way, y’all know I’m messy as hayle. I looked for Mark Fuhrman on social media but couldn’t find him. I just felt like being petty even though OJ got off and it’s been 20 years since the tapes.
Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark cuz if you don’t, you just might miss your blessing.