Being Mary Jane Recap – Birthday Goals

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So tonight was MJ’s birthday, and Bay Bay, she did it up.  I’m lucky to get free Benihana and somethin’ from Charming Charlie’s or Ross for my birthday, and MJ done bought herself a Birkin bag and a Tesla.  Clearly, I’m doing something wrong and ain’t aimin’ high enough.  While I was happy for MJ, I did wonder if she was gon’ be able to continue making extortion payments to CC cuz she ain’t hardly through with ’em.

Y’all know MJ likes to get it in, but surprisingly, she ain’t have birthday sex.  That was kinda shockin’ to me, cuz lately, between that lil white man at the club and cuddy buddy, she ain’t gave her Hello Kitty time to breathe.  She damn near put Cuddy Buddy into cardiac arrest last week…he was strokin’ out and foamin’ at the mouth and such.  Was surprised I ain’t see him this week, but maybe he still in rehab behind last week’s sessions.

Mark is still on his way out to Kosovo or one of those foreign countries where they killin’ foke.  I got a bad feelin’ bout that.  Like something bad is gonna happen to him.  Maybe it was all that sad soundtrack music and that it took him a long time to say goodbye to errybody.  I feel like warnin’ him a la “Molly, you in danger, Girl”.

Niecy bout to get fiyah’d and she just got that job.  She already promisin’ foke discounts and hook-ups and ain’t been in them people’s employ but a week.  I was happy to see her spend some of her first paycheck on a few nice things.  Of course, MJ was hatin’ on her.  I know MJ is making way mo’ in coins and went to college and such, so she shoulda let Niecy have them lil bags she had.

MJ’s family did not remember her birthday, so she was upset bout that.  She actually rushed ova to her mama’s house thinkin’ they were gonna throw her a surprise birthday party, and got surprised.  I liked the throwback to The Color Purple (errybody knows I love ALL THINGS Color Purple) when MJ was givin’ her mama a bath.  I swear that lady don’t like to loofah herself up.  I’m sure that bathwater had a lil Shug Avery pee in it.

And then MJ shared a “shocker”.  I say that, but I wasn’t hardly shocked.  She was upset that her daddy took up for Niecy behind them lil shoppin’ bags she had and said she could have done the same thing…lived recklessly, made mistakes, etc. so her parents could clean up her mess just like they were doing with Niecy and MJ’s brother.  That she coulda had kids and instead of rushin’ ova to get disappointed behind her missing surprise party, she coulda been blowin’ out candles with her 11 year old.  Because she had had an abortion.  Lawd…all my black tv heroines is having abortions.  First Liv..then MJ…next it’s gon’ be Cookie or ol’ girl from Blackish.  I cain’t hardly take it.

But like I said, I was NOT surprised.  Y’all remember last week’s “hoe” conversation (that was some realness for your hindparts, by the way).  And anybody that dry grind and love to …er..um..please her man like MJ bound to have a few skeletons in the closet.  Lit’rally.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark cuz all yo’ friends are…

beingmaryjane

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