HTGAWM Premiere – Also Known As What The Hayle Happened?

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I almost wasn’t gon’ do this recap, cuz I don’t know if I was too full of them people’s cheap wine or the show was moving to quickly or I was still mad bout the money I put in my child’s backpack for the book fair coming up missing, but I don’t know what I watched.  It’s hard a hayle to do a recap when you don’t remember sheeit.  And yes, I watched it from the beginning to the end.

Rebecca, Wes’ girlfriend, was laying in the basement dead with blood comin’ outta her mouth at the end of last season.  So it’s another “whodunnit” since we don’t know who her killer is.  I pretty much pegged Frank as the killa since we know a) he ain’t got no qualms bout murderin’ foke; b) he killed that Sam’s (Annalise’s husband) sidepiece last season and c) he got rid of the body.  But he was adamant that he ain’t do it, and I ain’t think Annalise did it cuz she she doesn’t seem like the type to actually murder somebody outright.

There were gay shenanigans going on between those two guys…even though one had been diagnosed with HIV at the end of last season (I’ll learn names later when I’m not as sleepy).  They moved in together at the end of the show. Mikayla met another nice young man who unfortunately likes boy coochie more than he likes her kind.  That thane need to change her perfume cuz she’s a gay man MAGNET.  She also needs to get checked out cuz her gaydar got to be BROKE.  Luckily she cut this one off befo’ anythane got started.

The attorney (Eve) Annalise wanted Nate to hire to help get him off (after she framed him for her Sam’s murder) showed up and you could tell there was hist’ry between her and Annalise.  Annalise ended up with a case where two adopted kids who apparently be dry grindin’ with each other killed their rich parents.  Allegedly.  In their mansion.  Allegedly.

Nate wanted no parts of Eve and told her and Annalise so amid flashbacks of him and Annalise goin’ at it like two wild dogs.  I tell you that Annalise must be on that female Niagra cuz she gets it in!  Cue the next scene where Annalise is apologizin’ to Eve about doggin’ her out back at Harvard, when she left her for Sam.  Yes Chile..Annalise was even gettin’ it in back then, AND down with the swirl!  Next thane you know, they was kissing like Shug and Miss Celie in The Color Purple!  I’m talmbout deep kissing.  I did NOT know Annalise swung ALL ways!

Annalise took the kids out for a night on the town.  I ain’t neva seen a professor that hang out with her students like Annalise does with those kids – where her friends her age at?  She danced and flirted with Wes, this after he came out the mouth all slick with her in her law school class (Annalise couldn’t say nothing either!).  They will be dry grindin’ fo’ the season is ova..mark my words.  Wes believes that Rebecca has run off and says he has to get over it.  I ain’t believe that.  He knows that girl is erry bit as dead as an Iphone when you don’t charge it ovanight.

Annalise figured out (along with the audience) that Bonnie (Annalise’s dedicated associate) actually killed Rebecca (wow..did NOT see THAT coming) and went to confront her.  The aunt to the two (alleged) killers ended up in a car with her throat cut after testifying against them.

The show fast forwarded 2 months later, and there were gunshots (I think) in that mansion where the parents died. We see Wes runnin’ from the mansion, and the scene cuts to Annalise layin’ on her back in a pool of blood with all kindsa wounds to her abdomen and chest.  Likely dry grindin’ fo’ she met her fate.  I’m going to assume she will recover but you know we gon’ walk back them 2 months all season to see how she ended up there.  Cuz we know she ain’t gon’ die cuz she done won an Emmy for taking off her eyebrows, lashes, makeup and hair last season.  I figure she gon’ take off a leg or two this season and win them people’s Oscar.

Follow Me on Twitter @staylorclark

HTGAWM

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