Well Scandal is back and so are my recaps!  I’m glad cuz for a minute, my blog was drier than an ol’ lady in menopause.  Of course, it started with Fitz and Liv dry grindin’ all up and through the White House bedroom with Mellie nowhere to be found.  Remember, Fitz told her to pack her bags and get the hayle out  last season.  They teased us to make us think the coming out party that was being planned was for Fitz and Liv to come out as a couple.  But…alas…the party was to celebrate a royal family who was in Washington (Queen Momma, Prince Son and the Princess Daughter-In-Law).

Sally Langston was back up to her old tricks on her talk show “The Liberty Report” spillin’ all kindsa tea while wearin’ them ol’ murderous kitten heels.  Mellie was still smartin’ from bein’ put out by her husband and was stayin’ at a hotel from the looks of it, and Fitz nem had told foke she had the flu to explain her absence from the state dinner.  Of course, Liv was there makin’ goo goo eyes at her man (Fitz).

Some other stuff happened, and then all of a sudden the Princess died in a car accident reminiscent of what happened to Princess Diana back in 1997 (yes I remember the year, cuz I mourned…you hear me? and that’s also the year I met my baby daddy – good times!).  The Queen called Liv who went to the crash scene in the tunnel and threw her good white coat over the body to keep the paparazzi from takin’ pictures.  I cried…but not for the Princess cuz I ain’t know her like that.  I cried cuz that perfectly good coat was gon’ have all that blood on it.

Quinn appeared to be the only gladiator still employed at OPA and thus was doin’ errythane…from locating all the paparazzi who had taken photos…to payin’ them off…to runnin’ the buffers over the office floor and lockin’ up the place for the night.  Huck was laid out on Liv’s couch at her house waitin’ for Liv to fix him like she got somebody’s psychiatrist license, but she hadn’t been home cuz she was booed up with Fitz at the W.H.

Mellie was ready to be sworn into Congress and asking Lizzy Bear (the new Chief of Staff – remember Cy got fired behind that busload of people being killed last season) to make sure Fitz was by her side.  Lizzy pretty much cussed Mellie out and wished her good luck in her future endeavors.  I love the way these two go back and forth. I wonder if either one of them have gone to visit that ol’ nasty VP they used to dry grind with ‘fo he had that “stroke” on his left side.  That thane prolly livin’ in a convalescence home in Florida.

Fitz told Liv he asked Mellie for a divorce, and side chicks everywhere stood up and clapped.  Liv told him he couldn’t do that..that he needed to be there for Mellie’s swearing in.  He showed up which made Abby and Lizzy both look like fools.  Mellie thought that meant they was gon’ get back together, but Fitz told her nope…he wanted a divorce.  Mellie STAYED losin’ tonight even though she was sworn in as a congresswoman.

Liv and Fitz had a lovers spat after Liv figured out that somebody had messed with the Princess’ car like somebody had messed with Mistah’s mailbox in The Color Purple.  Lizzy witnessed it and told Abby.  Then they both worked together to give ol’ Sally Langston even more sweet tea to spill.  Liv went home to lie down, noticed Huck was missin’ and saw a tabloid bout the Princess.  She figured out Huck was the one behind the Princess’ murder and had been hired by the Queen cuz the Princess was pregnant with her security guard’s baby.  And the Queen wasn’t bout to have a non-blood relative as an heir to the throne.  Damn all that.  Liv couldn’t tell the po-po cuz of her nondisclosure agreement but did tell the Prince who told his mama she was gon’ step down as Queen soon as they got back to Monaco.  He did that sheeit at the fun’ral.  I hollered!

Liv finally convinced Fitz that they couldn’t be together right now…and they needed more time to get together.  And then Abby told them to turn on they television which is always a bad sign – i.e. some sheeit happening that you don’t wanna see.  Of course it was that ol’ messy arse Sally Langston spillin’ tea about Fitz and Liv’s relationship, complete with photos of them being inappropriate.  Bay Bay…I screamed.  Sally Langston is indestructible…like a damn roach.  That thane shoulda been killed SEVERAL times or at least in prison for murderin’ her husband with a kitten heel…but no..she still around doin’ dirt.

We then saw Cyrus suitin’ up to get back in the game…and Huck knocking on that ol’ fine arse Jake from State Farm’s door.  I was happy to see him. I didn’t know if he died over the summer or what.

*cue cheesy dramatic soap opera music*  Now that the sheeit done hit the fan….what is Fitz nem gon’ do?  Where is Mama Pope and do she have full cable?  Why ain’t nobody visit Daddy Pope and put money on his books?  What is Liv gon’ do to handle this situation now that Sally Langston done put all her bidness on front street.  You know I will be tunin’ in next week, holding on to my edges for dear life!

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