Scandal Recap – How Many People Gotta DIE, Papa Pope?

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Bay Bay, I cried like Celie’s sister from The Color Purple screaming WHYYYYY???? when Scandal opened up with Jake layin’ up on them people’s table all bloodied and whatnot.  Quinn had dialed Liv and was talkin’ a mile a minute.  And then my heart stopped again, cuz I thought that ol’ pancake makeup wearin’ Russell was hidin’ out at OPA ready to pounce on the next Gladiator and gut ‘em like a damn fish.  Thank goodness it was Huck, who knows a thing or seven bout killin’ foke and stabbin’ them all bout the carotid artery.  He figga’d out that Jake from State Farm was still warm and that no major artery or organ had been hit, even though Jake was unconscious and bleedin’ out.  He popped that thang dead in the chest – I guess that is more effective than givin’ mouth to mouth – and Jake rose up.  Chile I FAINTED.  And when I came to, I was happy neither one of them had to put they lips on each other in the name of resuscitation.

It wasn’t long before they took Jake to an abandoned house (dungeon?) and found Charlie, who brought in a fake arse Dr. Zhivago to fix up Jake.  It’s not like they could take him to the hospital because y’all know Rowan was gon’ be ready and watchin’.

Russell was chillin’ with Daddy Pope, feelin’ like the man when you walk through, talmbout he had sliced and diced Jake Julienne-style like a chef at Benihana.  Daddy Pope was drankin’ that brown likka, so I figga’d somethin’ was gon’ pop off.  He told Russell he couldna kilt Jake cuz if he had, Olivia would be done called by now.  Russell said ‘well if he ain’t dead, he damn sho’ hangin’ on by a thread’ to which Daddy Pope said ‘well you betta get yo’ arch-ded eyebrowed arse out there and cut that damn thread he hangin’ on by’.  Bay Bay, I HOLLERED and got the betta part of my life.  Y’all know I got a love/hate relationship with that ol’ murderous Daddy Pope – I love to hate his ol’ yak-drankin’ arse.

Russell tried callin’ his boo, but Olivia was obviously pre-occupied with her other boo damn near dyin’.  Russell was tryin’ frantically to find out where Liv was cuz he knew if he didn’t, that was gon’ be his arse and he was gon’ be in them people’s hole or worse.  He shoulda done like they all do when they don’t know how to respond to Daddy Pope – go enlist the help of Mama Pope.  She the only one that can keep Rowan in line.  But alas, she was sittin’ in her prison cell watchin’ basic cable through the bars.

Russell came back to Daddy Pope to tell him he couldn’t find Jake or Liv or no damn body that worked for OPA.  Rowan was still on that brown likka, and put his drank down, pulled out a gun and shot Russell in the arm.  Then that thang put the gun back where it came from, picked up his glass and went back to drankin’ like he didn’t just injure that man.  I closed my eyes when it happened cuz I just knew he’d shot Russell twixt the eyes.  Or worse in his six-pack abs.  I was glad Russell’s fine physique was still intact and he had just a flesh wound.

Russell ended up in the hospital and called Liv.  He pretended he got robbed.  Next thing you know, his arse was gettin’ needled all up and through his neck by Huck and wakin’ up in that ol’ abandoned house/makeshift hospital room.  Dr. Zhivago had fixed up Jake and wheeled him back into the main room, but told him he couldn’t take the breathin’ tube out nor could Jake move, lest he head straight to the Upper Room.  He even put Jake in restraints.  Jake noticed that his hospital bed was right next to Russell’s!!!  You know B613 ain’t got nobody’s health insurance or Obamacare, so it wasn’t like they were in private rooms.  Yo’ boy Russell realized Jake was defenseless and got up to kill him again.  Jake was able to pop a restraint and snatch out his own tube which alerted the doctor.  Russell played it off, like he ain’t do nothin’.  I hate when somebody do dirt and hide they hand.

Meanwhile, Liv was supposed to do a favor for the doctor – she was to help his Russian spy friend get out the game.  “Black Sable” was now a dotin’ grandma to two precocious little kids in the suburbs.  Liv tried to broker a deal where the person who wouldn’t let Black Sable out would kill Liv’s daddy.  But as we all know, Daddy Pope is like a roach – you cain’t kill his arse and he just keeps comin’ back.  He might even play dead, but he ain’t gon’ neva be gone for real.  That thang went up in them people’s house and put a bullet in errybody’s head that lived there including the dog.  When I tell you that Daddy Pope was killing ERRYBODY – MEN, WOMEN, CHIRREN, PETS, BAES, BOOS, SIDECHICKS, ETC – I damn sho’ mean it!  And then Liv went out to her car, and Daddy Pope had stuffed the guy she sent to kill him in her own damn car with a bullet in his damn head.  Liv realized she wasn’t dealin’ with no amateur and called errythang off.  Cuz it was clear, Daddy Pope was ready to kill Liv, Rosen, Sally Langston, Jake again, Fitz, Mellie, Cyrus’ ho’husband , the VP and errybody.  Liv said “uncle..damn” and waved the white flag.

With the crisis averted, she called Russell ova for dry grindin’, but I knew in my spirit somethin’ wasn’t quite right.  Liv got on top of him and apologized for everything crazy that had happened.  And just as he was bout to caress her suppleness, Liv pulled out what had to be a 45 (cuz it was a big arse SHINY gun) and put it to Russell’s forehead cuz she’d figga’d out he was behind the attempted murder of Jake and was actually B613 (she figga’d out that Russell was the one feedin’ her father information on all the goings-on).  I closed my eyes.  I had gotten so tired of foke pullin’ pistols on Russell…he ain’t been on the show for a good three episodes and done had several guns pulled on him and even been shot.  Plus, I ain’t want Liv to mess that face up or her good sheets.

And that’s how it went off.  Somebody must have made Shonda Rhimes real mad tonight cuz she had all kindsa foke die in this episode and on Grey’s.  I cain’t wait til next week.  I think Russell is goin’ to make it out alive because I see him being handled by Huckleberry Quinn in the previews.  I do need Shonda nem to stop recruiting B613 agents from Stomp The Yard though (thanks B).  I guess next we gon’ see Chris Brown workin’ at OPA.  You know if them people let him outta community service and off probation to shoot an episode.  I don’t know none of the people in the 2nd Stomp the Yard if’n they do show up. I think that movie went straight to DVD.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

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