The Train Wreck That is Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Premiered Last Night

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I don’t know why I can’t stop watching this show.  And I know it’s mostly staged…has to be…cuz there is no damn way these foke AIN’T acting.  Stevie J…I mean Stebie J…was back being the sneaky sleazeball that he is.  Now, he’s in a business relationship with his baby mama, Mimi.  I don’t understand that.  Errybody know you cain’t make bread where you done laid yo’ meat.  They will end up in a compromisin’ relationship (i.e. having relations) before it is over.  Especially since Mimi done told him Eva (their baby together) wants a little brother or sister.  You know Stebie offered her some of the “Sleazy Sauce” to make that happened.  Let me say this.  Stebie J don’t need no mo’ damn kids.  That thang got a FEDERAL case for back chile suppote against him which means he has to owe in the millions.  When the government come in and puts a lien on yo’ sheeit, sheeit is bad.  Real bad.  I don’t know who kept layin’ down with him, havin’ babies.  Y’all see Eve got away without one of his souvenirs.  She was smart.  Now she got her a rich frail white man named Maximillian.  That name even SOUND rich.

Apparently, there’s gonna be a new cast member.  I didn’t care enough to remember her name. I think it was Tiffany Foxx.  She is a retiring Miami stripper (yes, apparently, there’s a golden parachute/pension plan for old strippers), and we all know where ol’ strippers go to die – Atlanta.  And the world of hip hop so they can become ‘rappers’.  I ain’t neva seen a group of foke who STAY in the studio workin’ but don’t have nary hit playin’ on the radio.  She used to strip with Joseline Hernandez Jordan but Joseline no longer takes her calls.  That’s going to be interesting.

Nikko the rat-faced snake (right…that don’t even go together so I guess that’s why he looks facially challenged) was back.  He has broken up with Mimi since that ill-fated sex tape they made.  I’m still mad they tried to play us all like they didn’t do that tape on purpose.  Like they just always have sex hangin’ from shower rods and looking into MOVING cameras.  Um..okay.  Anyway, he is trying to get back with his wife.  Yes, that thang still got a wife, even though she acknowledged their marriage has always been open.  She was even seeing somebody else.  Seeing them together made me see just how perfect the two of them are for each other if we are going by looks, cuz them thangs both got faces only they mothers could love.  I hope there are no kids from the union.  She is in NYC but apparently is going to go where wives who been in open marriages with men who make porn tapes with other women go to die.  Atlanta.

Kirk is still Kirk.  Rasheeda was saying they are doing better than ever and are back on track.  Apparently her husband ain’t get the message because the episode wasn’t on for a good 20 minutes before he was up in an apartment with a random layin’ on his bed.  I don’t understand why Rasheeda just doesn’t leave -Kirk does NOT respect her.  That is clear.

Mama Dee was on the scene.  Apparently somebody bought “I Deserve” because she done made a little change and got that loose tooth fixed.  She was performing at a club (mostly empty but I’m thinking she still got paid) and sounded a hot smoker’s voice-ded mess.  She is in a good place with Erica but still ain’t feelin’ The Bamb.  Speaking of Bambi, I just don’t like her stank attitude reality show hoppin’ arse.  Scrappy walkin’ round in Atlanta wearin’ “fur” coats made out of Cocker Spaniel and behind in chile suppote.  Ain’t put nothin’ in the coffers for E-Money (his baby with Erica).  Erica is trying not to take him to court, but is torn because she knows he needs to be helping her take care of THEIR child.  She blames Bambi for not letting Scrappy do what he’s supposed to do.  When asked about that, Scrappy said:  “I ain’t got no time for the Chile Suppote I E.  I’m tryna get this Miz Nigh E.   You feel me?”  Nawl Scrap..we don’t feel you.  We don’t even know what the hayle you talmbout half the time.

Nikko is trying to make money off Mimi (surprise…um that’s what that leech has been doin’ since he arrived on the scene with his ol’ wack Chuck E Cheese lookin’ arse) and she signed a contract with him giving him 25% of the proceeds from her three-book deal.  Yes, somebody done gave that girl a book deal, and here I am writin’ blogs and whatnots and cain’t even get nobody to let me write an article or a column.  Raise your hand if you gon’ buy Mimi’s book about her life.  Exactly.  So the two rats (Nikko and Stebie J) met in an alley and got in a fake fight about the situation.  Oh, Stebie said he had some real dirt on Nikko.  What?  That he gay?  K Michelle said that when we first saw Nikko.  That ain’t no tea.  That ain’t even Kool-Aid.  It’s pretty obvious actually that he swing both ways.

And that brings me to the question of the hour – where was Joseline Hernandez Jordan?  Yes, she was MIA.  Maybe that’s why the premiere kinda sucked.  Stebie J said she was in Puerto Rico gettin’ herself together after she wilded out on them people’s stage at the reunion and beat up ERRYBODY.  They showed a clip of upcoming episodes though and the Puerto Rican Princess will return home soon…causin’ chaos and havoc all up through LHHATL….

Follow Me on Twitter @staylorclark

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One thought on “The Train Wreck That is Love & Hip Hop Atlanta Premiered Last Night

  1. Shametra L.

    This is my guilty pleasure……I just have to make one correction and one suggestion, please and thank you. (1)I think Scrappy was sporting a top flight rabbit fur. (2) Can you please cover Sherri Shepherds ordeal?

    Like

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