Empire Recap – Lucious Got Caught With His Hand In The Cookie Jar

Standard

Empire was good as HAYLE!  I am over here tremblin’ and lit’rally flickin’ ashes from my imaginary cigarette.  That said…in the words of that ol’ sage, Madear, I KNOWED IT!  I told y’all Boo Boo Kitty was spendin’ time with somebody who was rubbin’ her booty and puttin’ her to sleep at night!  It was VERY OBVIOUS that she ain’t care bout Lucious as much as she had some of y’all thankin’ she did.  Anytime you done caught the man you are ENGAGED to marry on top of somebody else fornicatin’ in YO bed and you don’t flip a mattress or break a lamp or SOMETHIN’, you seein’ somebody else on the side.  And dare I say, you like that side piece betta than yo’ fiancé and you got some ulterior motive on why you with said fiancé that don’t include real love.

It was even more apparent when she was calm about the illicit sex when she confronted Lucious and then told him to make it up to her, he had to marry her at the white party.  I mean, what part of the game is that? If she really cared about Lucious, she woulda bleached all his sheeit, broke up his gold records, cut up all his suits and drawls, slashed his tires and possibly set that bed and his house on fiyah.  Please don’t act like I am the only one who has done..I mean thought that sheeit.   And she woulda had three or fo’ debutante friends right there with her supervisin’ and eggin’ the sheeit on and possibly lighting the matches or holding the bleach.  And then she woulda got up outta there and been cryin’ at one of her girlfriend’s houses or doin’ drive-bys at Cookie’s apartment waitin’ for Cookie to come out so she, along with five of her debutante friends AND her mama, could jump her. But nah..she ain’t do none of that.  She chastised Lucious for getting her doctor daddy involved in fraud and then told that man he had to marry her that weekend OR make the announcement about the pushed-up wedding date and ensure that Cookie was there when he did it.  There was no money for shopping, plane tickets to some exotic island, no Hermes bags, Louboutins, condos, luxury cars, Hope diamonds…..nothing to take the stang off yo’ man wearin’ out somebody’s else’s coochie.

I need to stop talmbout Boo Boo Kitty, cuz she made me mad tonight takin’ that boulder off her fanger and goin’ to that man’s penthouse apartment/hotel room knowin’ that he is Lucious rival.  Lookin’ like a fake arse Phony Braxton with that feather boa on.  You cain’t neva be as fabulous as Cookie and you wearin’ feathers while she rockin’ fur.  Lucious need to do her like he did Bunky.  Leave her on the edges of the river bank.

What da hayle kinda sheeit Andre and that white gul got goin’ on?  Damn…he was bout to let her sleep with ol’ Ironsides wasn’t he?  I wasn’t mad at her for throwin’ up in that food when he started talmbout having sex and whatnots.  Knowin’ he ain’t seen an erection since ’72.  And I cain’t believe Andre was okay with her makin’ Ebenezer Scrooge happy.  He was definitely going to get the better deal if he had to sleep with that lady.  I was glad she finally stood up for herself.  Cuz he treats her like a common THOT instead of a wife.

I was tryna feel sorry for that lil girl that Raven Symone done left with Jamal, but since McKenzie done made 3 snow days outta this ice storm we just had, I couldn’t.  I wanted them to make her to go to somebody’s school.  It was daylight out.  Why was she home?  That said..she IS a cutie.  But I would still have to swab her mouth real quick and put it in one of them CVS do it yourself at home DNA kits.

Bay Bay…that white party was EVERYTHING!  When Cookie walked in with Jamal, I was screamin’ YASSSSS in a deep voice at the TV.  I love an ol’ good high full pony especially one that makes your cheekbones “pop”, your eyes “tight” and your skin “wrankle-free”.  And Cookie was wearin’ that ponytail, Chile, AND that full length fur.  She must have a damn ‘must wear all types of chinchillas, manks, and foxes’ in her contract’s costume clause.  The furrier for Empire must be making a GRIP outfittin’ her erry show.

Cookie had just got it in with Lucious again in the studio before the party.  She slapped him first though, for leavin’ her twistin’ in the wind in them people’s prison and not puttin’ enough money on her books.  I was mad when Lucious rolled up in that party with that ol’ stank-a-dank skank Anika.  He had told Cookie he was gon’ leave that broad so he could keep dippin’ it and doin’ it with Cookie, but at the white party, told her he wasn’t gon’ leave Boo Boo Kitty and was gon’ marry her and that the wedding date had been pushed up.  Y’all know Cookie invited him to kiss her whole and entire arse.  Cookie was not going to be outdone.  She went and found Anika and pretty much popped her in the mouf with the news that Lucious had hit again on the sound board at the studio.  I hope they washed it off when they finished cuz that sounded like some ol’ nasty sheeit.

And then there was one of my favorite scenes….when Cookie met Camilla the Cougar (Naomi Campbell), her baby boy’s (Hakeem’s) woman.  Cookie called that broad old, tired, dusty AND Aunty.  Bay Bay – I screamed when Cookie called her Yoko Ono.  Then she told Camilla she woulda made a good beetch for her in prison cuz she had a long tongue.  I SCREAMED and HOLLERED cuz Cookie was lookin’ serious as a heart attack.  Like she mighta really had several prison beetches.  I’m sorry, but I woulda had to steal and swang on Cookie for that one right at that party.

Speaking of the white party, why was Lucious and Jamal up in there both dressed like fake arse Princes of Zamunda?  All they needed were crowns, thrones and that Michael Jackson Remember The Time video.  I swear Lucious was wearin’ a maxi skirt!  And that jacket he had on was longer than them jackets Steve Harvey be wearin’.

Jamal came out while performin’ at the white party (changing the lyrics on Lucious’ song to ‘you make a man love a man’ instead of a woman) and Lucious nearbout had a heart attack and joined Elizabeth.  What else?  Oh, Vernon (Malik Yoba) gon’ get his ashy-handed, chap lip-ted self kilt messin’ round with Lucious.  He saw what happened to Bunky down at them people’s river bank.  I was happy to see Jamal still eating good at his apartment after he done got rid of Dora.  I bet his chicken don’t taste nothin’ like hers though.  They didn’t even show no pots or pans or nothing when Hakeem came to visit him.

Andre tried to get the Board to vote him next in line as Lucious’ successor but his own daddy voted against him.  Then his daddy told him he ain’t liked him since he brought that white woman to his house.  I died cuz Lucious just as white as that white lady, so what he talkin’ bout?  I’m sure they could use the same comb so that cain’t be the issue.  He said his son was always tryin’ to fit in and didn’t care about the family and would neva get Empire.  Andre told his dad that he feels like a disappointment because he doesn’t have the musical talent that his brothers do.  And then we saw Andre up in the studio at that same sound board Lucious and Cookie had carnal knowledge of each other on.  I thought for sure he was bout to make a hot track.  But no..that thang pulled out a gun and put it to his temple.  I covered my eyes and waited for the gunshot. I ain’t want him to do it though cuz I knew that white lady was gon’ be real mad. Who she gon’ wear a bib for and let hump her in the kitchen while she wearin’ rollers and green mask sheeit on her face?  Plus, how you gon’ shoot yourself to a white sanger’s (it was either Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin) record after what yo daddy just told you bout them white foke?  At least go out to some Tupac or Biggie.  Hayle , Puffy woulda been better than that sheeit he chose.  But alas, he ain’t pull the trigger.  He just screamed bloody murder like he did and I uncovered my face.

Then, it was the final scene of this family drama.  Lawd..they had Cookie lookin’ like a lil frail arse Cleo from Set It Off in that jail cell.  I was waitin’ for them to play that sad music like in the movie when Cleo lit that cigarette and took off and ended up all shot up.  I’m gon’ venture to say Cookie was DEFINITELY the man in any of the relationships she had while in the joint.  It’s just a matter of time fo’ one of ‘em come a’ callin’ in a future episode.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

empire-cast

5 thoughts on “Empire Recap – Lucious Got Caught With His Hand In The Cookie Jar

  1. Shametra L.

    Ma’am, this is my assistants first day back after alllllllllllllll of those sleet and snow days. I was trying to get work in before my babies get out at noon. I promise I was doing right until I clicked on your blog link (suggested by a mutual friend.) Now I know she thinks I’m crazy because I gasped, screamed and laughed out loud a few times reading this post. Your post is the business! Love it!!!!! I have one question, when Mr.Man was in the studio about to commit wayside, and all you heard was a click, that didn’t scare you? He creeps me out.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s