HTGAWM Recap – Old Black Mamas Can Say and Do Whatevs!

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Annalise called her mama durin’ the last scene of last week’s episode.  And I for one was sooo happy to see Cicely Tyson show up.  She has done so much since they done stopped typecastin’ her as the rebellious female slave – cuz she done played Harriet Tubman, Sojourner Truth, Miss Jane Pittman AND Kunta Kinte’s mama on Roots.  What a wonderful way to celebrate Black Hist’ry month!  Because with Miss Tyson on the show, they couldn’t have all them damn lights out on the set, lest she fall and break a hip or something, so the scenes were all WELL-LIT!  Yassss!  I saw errythang and could make out foke faces and whatnot for the first time in since..I don’t know..FOREVER?

And she made her arrival KNOWN, Chile.  She told them people they needed to ‘recognize a VIP when they see one, cuz Annalise came outta her V and her daddy’s P’.  Bay Bay…I SCREAMED.  I’m talmbout full out HOLLERED!  Meanwhile, Annalise was still layin’ in her bed upstairs, wallowin’ in self-pity and guilt for what she let happen to her husband, Sam and what she did to her boyfriend, Nate.  She musta thought she called SAM’s mama because her Black mama (Tyson) came in that room and told her to get her rank arse up and take a bath and comb her damn hair.  I SCREAMED again.  I love me some old people cuz they can say ANY damn thang!

Yes, the white audience learned a lot about Black foke tonight from this episode of HTGAWM.  They learned how we get treated when our mamas know we “playin’ sick”.  They snatch the covers off yo’ arse, open up all the blinds and tell you to get yo’ arse up.  And even though you got degrees and law licenses and good jobs and big arse houses, you do what the hayle they say cuz you know you ain’t too old to have to go outside and pick your own switch (or tree branch as “sympathizers” done start callin’ ‘em now).  I was lit’rally over here prayin’ that Annalise mama didn’t pull a switch outta her suitcase.

There was some case going on with a lady with a face only a mother could love allegedly rapin’ some man.  The blonde haired lady had to stand in for Annalise and wasn’t doing too well.  She flubbed up the opening statements and did some mo’ sheeit that wasn’t right.  The judge and the hospital that employed the alleged fondler and fond-lee told her they were not here for her sheeit and somebody needed to go put a wig on Annalise and draw on some brows and tell her to brang her hard walkin’ arse to court.  Somehow, ol’ girl ended up getting the case dismissed and rubbed her a lil booty of her own afterwards. And yes, she still knows that those kids did somethin’ to Sam.

They showed Nate going into prison lockup.  He took off his shirt and stripped down to his underwear and I lit a cigarette.  My Nate done waited til damn near middle age to get his wisdom tooth pulled and his cheeks is all swollen like he storin’ nuts.  So I ain’t feel too bad bout lustin’ a lil bit after Annalise’s Nate.  I mean they both named Nate, right?  Anyway, I quickly had to put out that cigarette when they gave Nate a colonics and checked his prostate.  They made him bend over, spread ‘em AND cough and I felt sick.  It was even worse when he walked to his cell and foke he helped put away was threatenin’ to eat his conebread.  Damn.  On the first day?  There should be some kinda grace period fo’ foke start threatenin’ to make you they beetch in prison.  Annalise finally showed up for her boyfriend by the end of the show and played it cool for the interview cameras but left him with a note to fire his attorney and call a number.  That’s the least she can do since she done framed him!

Back at her house though, her mama was in the kitchen cookin’ and hit Annalise’s hand for goin’ in her pots.  Another lesson bout how thangs go down in a Black household.  Annalise also got on her mama for lettin’ her uncle molest her.  Her mama told her men take thangs..and ain’t no need in getting all misty about it.  Annalise was drankin’ in front of her mama, but Miss Tyson let that sheeit go (I just knew she was gon’ go get a switch behind that).  Her mama was tryin’ to finish smotherin’ the chicken AND cookin’ the greens when Annalise threw her glass and it broke against the wall.  Mama turned them greens down and called after Annalise.  I prayed again, cuz I ain’t want the white viewin’ audience to see how Black mamas get down when they been sassed AND had somethin’ thrown in their general direction.  But I guess Mama was tired from her trip, cuz she let Annalise make it.  She ended up lettin’ Annalise sit twixt her legs (damn Shonda, you just gon’ tell all of the Black secrets and sheeit!) and started scratchin’ out her head!  I swear I saw a lil jar of Blue Magic or Sulfur 8 next to her hip.  I was like Lawd if mama start greasing her scalp or go down to the kitchen and get a straightenin’ comb she been heating up on the stove, Imma turn this damn tv off!  I think she needed a wider toothed comb cuz Annalise’s lil fro was crunchy, dry and noisy as HAYLE!  Imma need them people over at HTGAWM to get some good moisturizers and olive oil on that set.

Mama ended up tellin’ her daughter in so many words…that her uncle ain’t really just die in a random fire.  That she had a long match and set the house and his ol’ child molestin’ arse ablaze.  She was tryna get Annalise to come clean to her too..sayin’ sometimes you do what you have to do.  Annalise held her hands and pulled her close, this after tellin’ her mama earlier to just go home cuz she ain’t need her.

Oh, I also forgot to tell y’all that Mama actually named Annalise “Anna Mae”.  Yep…she got the same name as Tina Turner.  She changed her name once she got all educated and got a few coins.  Mama refuses to call her Annalise.  Just part of the façade Annie Mae done put on (her mama call her Anna Mae..so Imma call her Anna Mae) – Annalise is the top-notch cutthroat attorney with the bouncy wig and drawn on brows..whereas Anna Mae is the girl who wears crunchy afros and housecoats and eats right out the pot.  I am liking that Annalise ain’t as one-dimensional as I thought.

I would talk about those kids that kilt Sam but they are too stupid for me to be dealin’ with when I’m tired.  They can’t just shut up about the murder and leave town.  Noooo..they gotta all be together all the damn time…in Annalise’s office..up in her house..at the court house..at the police station..at the water tower…etc.  Best believe they arses gon’ get caught.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

HTGAWM

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