If You Marry Yourself….Your First Dance Gon’ Look Real Crazy!

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Normally, I blog about safe stuff like Reality Shows cuz I don’t like real life people comin’ for me.  I’m doing this one, however, because it was requested. I’m sure it will be a quick blog entry, cuz I don’t know nothin’ bout marryin’ myself.  I ain’t neva married myself, nor have I ever wanted to marry myself.  Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m pretty awesome.  I’m easy on the eyes.  I’m smart, and have a successful career.  I ain’t that fat, and I got some nice lookin’ teeth.  I can cook.  I know how to take care of a chile.  I can also put it down…well…I won’t go there but you get the gist.  Still though, ain’t nothin’ bout that resume that made me think ‘hmmm…I’m gon’ marry myself tomar’.  But this is just what happened with this gul in Houston.

Yasmin Eleby made a vow to herself apparently that if she wasn’t married at age 40, she would walk down the aisle….to herself.  Like how does that work exactly?  Did she have a cardboard version of herself standin’ up there at the altar with the preacher?  Her mother walked her down the aisle and promptly gave Yasmin away.  To herself.  Yes, I keep harping on that cuz I can’t seem to wrap my mind around it.

She had an elegant ceremony.  There were flowers.  Singing.  Vows (that she wrote…herself).  Bridesmaids.  I have to admit the bridesmaids part was pretty troubling for me.  I’m mad at EVERYBODY who attended (well maybe not her mama cuz you know mamas have to support they kids even sometimes when they hellbent on foolery, if it ain’t hurtin’ nobody) but like really mad at the bridesmaids.  Not a one of them raised their hand and said ‘gurl, what in the HAYLE?  You cain’t marry yourself!  That is some fraggleknackle bullsheeit’.  Nope…they were all too busy pickin’ out dresses.  I guess they really wanted to be bridesmaids *shrug*  If you are reading this Yasmin, they ain’t yo’ real friends.  Prolly sharin’ photos from your big day behind yo’ back and snickerin’!

I ain’t one to tell nobody how to live they life or spend they money, but she could have had a really fabulous party just celebrating herself and 40 years.  She even had a weddin’ cake and took a photo cuttin’ it AND stuffin’ it into her own damn mouth.

I wonder if there is a man out there for ol’ Yasmin and if so, when he sees the photos of her marryin’ herself in a full ceremony, what will happen?  What happens if he decides to stick around through the obvious crazy (I mean, they do say crazy women be havin’ that THANG) and wants to marry her?  Will she have to divorce herself first?  Will she get BOTH halves (Texas IS a community property state)?  And what does her new married status mean?  Is she wearing a ring?  Does she get to file “married” on her tax return?  Does she get to check the married box on Census and other forms?  Did she update her status to Married and tag herself on FB?

Yeah, I’m pretty much done with this topic.  It’s making my brain hurt.  I will just wish her well on her..um..er…marriage.  I’m pretty sure her wedding night…was uh..er “interesting”.  Especially if she took along that lil thin cardboard man in the pic below.  Oh well, at least nobody got pregnant.  Gotta stop the desecration of the human gene pool somewhere.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

yasmineleby

2 thoughts on “If You Marry Yourself….Your First Dance Gon’ Look Real Crazy!

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