RHOA Recap (Ep. 12) – Apollo-Getic After Stealin’ Them People’s Pension Funds

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Well, we got Sorority Sisters snatched but we still got them ol’ ratchet Real Housewives of Atlanta to keep us comp’ny on a Sunday night!  Yasssss!!!!  First off, I was just gettin’ my food together when they showed Kandi and Todd in them people’s doctor’s office talmbout gettin’ pregnant and swimmers in a cup and such.  All of a sudden, I lost my appetite.  That said, I do wish Kandi and Todd the best, because they deserve a lil shote, big-headed baby together.

I was happy to see them interacting with their girls…but I do keep wonderin’ if the only time that Riley (Kandi’s gul) and Kaela (Todd’s gul) talk to each other is on camera when Bravo is filmin’ at they house.  Kaela pretty much let it be known that Riley is always in her room.  Riley doesn’t seem to be interested in getting to know Kaela and she damn sho’ ain’t feelin’ her as a big sister.  Y’all know that’s that Mama Joyce gene in Riley, not letting her be friendly or great.  Kandi got Todd a FIERCE new car, and Todd didn’t seem to be excited enough for her, though he was pretty happy cuz he damn sho’ started it up and drove off quick in it.  I ain’t mad at Kandi for makin’ sure her man got a nice ride.  She got money and he seem to stay on top of her…um…er “plumbing issues”, so it ain’t trickin’ if you got it.  And Kandi damn sho’ got it.  That long money from Bedroom Kandi, Bravo, Kandi’s Music Fact’ry, Don’t Be Tardy For The Party, Escape, No Scrubs, Destiny’s Chile, TLC, A Mother’s Love/High Skool Musical, etc.  That thang be doin’ all kindsa hustlin’.  And not that hustlin’ backwards that Matthew Knowles be doin’ sellin’ 15 year old Beyonce posters for $5.  Don’t fret Todd if you don’t neva produce nothin’ else cuz yo’ woman gon’ keep an income comin’ in.

Lawd Peter done opened up another bar…this time in Charlotte.  I swear erry time Cynthia get her some coins stacked from that ol’ barely got models Bailey Agency, Peter sinks ‘em right into another failin’ bidness.  Just like that Bar None he had in Atlanta.  He was always lookin’ for patrons, cuz he had NONE.  They fo’ closed on that restaurant fo’ one year had passed.  I’m thinkin’ somebody done put the two fangah Celie curse on Peter cuz erry bidness he even thinks about…FAILS.  He musta done somebody wrong in a prior life or this one cuz his bars and clubs STAY losin’.  Kordell Stewart is his business partner for this venture, and we know he got several coins (good for Peter and Cynthia cuz now maybe she can build her savings account back up) cuz he didn’t give Porsha any of them in the divorce.  I’m still tryna figga out how she laid up next to that facially challenged thang erry night and came outta that marriage with not a single coin.  She ain’t even get no tokens for parking.  She makin’ up for it though, cuz her Prince of Zamunda done bought her several handbags and a nice car and prolly payin’ the lease on her house.  So now she definitely winnin’.  But this ain’t bout Porsha.

Cynthia brought along Kenya and Claudia on a road trip from the ATL to the opening of Sports One (I do like the sports bar concept and Charlotte seems to be a better market for that than competitive Atlanta).  Claudia, who still ain’t took off the required time to get them feet fixed, ended up makin’ goo goo eyes and canoodlin’ and whatnot with Kordell.  I don’t know how I feel bout that.  I was startin’ to like ol’ Claudia but my friends are convinced she ain’t nothin’ but a bunion-toeded bad-footed garden tool.  If she does end up datin’ Kordell, I might have to believe what friends and the internets is sayin’ bout her.  That is NOT a good look.  She doesn’t owe her co-worker Porsha nothin’…and Porsha ain’t even got a peach pit in her hand this season, let alone a peach…but still.  There are too many other men out here that ain’t got a problem with Boomerang-type feet when they are attached to a cute girl for Claudia to go after.  The grand openin’ appeared to be a success, and I will just be keepin’ Peter and that new spot in my prayers.

And finally, I was saving the best of the episode for last.  Apollo (who is STILL on the LONGEST COUNTDOWN TO PRISON EVAH) was spendin’ time with his two boys, Mr. President and Mr. Speaker of the House, at the yogurt shop.  It was so touching watching Mr. Minority Whip’s (Ayden) interaction with Apollo.  You can tell that lil boy loves that daddy, Chile.  Apollo asked him what happens when he (the boy) does something that Mommy, Daddy and MiMi don’t like.  The little boy said ‘time-out’.  Apollo tried to draw a parallel between that and what happens when a grown-up does something bad/wrong.   I started to feel a little sorry for Apollo, and then I had to remember….HE made the choice to steal them people’s identities, pension funds, cars, credit cards, house keys, groceries, clothes, mail, etc.  He coulda stuck it out as a personal trainer, even after that obvious misstep with the Donkey Booty video.  He coulda worked in one of Phaedra’s businesses, embalmin’ foke and drivin’ them to they final restin’ places OR pickin’ up stripper clientele monies in parkin’ lots for Phaedra.  Hayle, he coulda learned how to cook really good and just had her food waitin’ erryday while he stacked them Bravo checks.  But noooo..he had to go out there livin’ above his means on other foke and then brag about it on national TV, talmbout how he was droppin’ thousands of dollars a night, makin’ it STORM up in them people’s strip club.

So while I feel sad for the boys…I feel nothin’ for Apollo.  My hope is that he is truly rehabilitated this time, doesn’t have to get his hair braided too many times, gets money put on his books, and keeps his conebread.  At least 50% of the time.  Phaedra should make sure he sees his kids, but she should probably gon’ and file for a divorce and keep it movin’.  Let this be a lesson to errybody…them people’s penitentiary is NOT what you want.  Fast money ain’t good money or EASY money…cuz you gon’ always have to pay for your crimes in the end.

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