Empire Recap – Play With Cookie If You Want To…..But It’s Not Wise

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So…..Taraji P Henson and Terrance Howard are back together again in the name of hip-hop in Fox’s highly anticipated show Empire.  But this time, Terrance ain’t from Memphis, Mayne, and ain’t a strugglin’ pimp with one good hoe and a prison record.  And Taraji ain’t fearful and scurred of her own shadow like she was in Hustle and Flow.  And she damn sho’ ain’t pregnant, though her character been pregnant three times that we know of.

Taraji’s character is the over-the-top dressin’, got a gang of good one-liners Cookie.  Terrance’s character is Lucious (which is dare I say, strangely close to Lucifer of ‘get thee behind me Satan or Beezlebub “fame”’.  Cookie and Lucious used to go together….I mean a hip-hop would be power couple who sold drugs and did whateva as they dreamt of stardom with that one good sangle/CD.  In the meantime, they had 3 kids – with a lot of the flashbacks being devoted to the one boy that was “different” from the other ones.

In the first episode, Cookie done got out of them people’s prison after doin’ 17 years of hard time.  Lucious neva visited her personally durin’ this time, but did bring one son to visit her often, where she put her hands on his through them people’s plexiglass and talked to him on the prison phone.  Even though they ain’t told us this yet, I’m gon’ say Cookie ain’t have a lot of visitors cuz when she got out, she had to put them hoe clothes back on she had on when she went in.  I guess she ain’t eat a lot of starches or get involved in them normal prison yard workouts and such either, cuz she still the same size from 17 years ago.

Cookie also apparently had left over money and residuals on her books, cuz she was able to take a taxi to her son’s (yeah that one) house.  He obviously wasn’t expectin’ her cuz he was sitting up in there with his boyfriend.  Yep…yet another show with two hard legs who are together.  Layin’ up in bed talmbout ‘I love you to each other’ in deep voices and sheeit.  It appears that every new show that comes out will have a gay character or seven.  I have nothing against the lifestyle, but damn…ERRY show?  And it’s always in your face gay – nothing is implied.  Nawl, they gotta tongue each other and rub each other and dry grind.  I’m tellin’ y’all, Michael Sam and that lil slight white boy he datin’ done messed it up for errybody, mushin’ cake in each other’s faces on ESPN.

Cookie is just loud and wrong..and say what the hayle she feels at any given moment.  I guess prison does that to a person.  Her son tried to hide his lifestyle (even though she BEEN knowing that he’s gay) and she came right in and called him out, met the boyfriend who she promptly called “a Mexican”,  and started eatin’ stewed chicken da-rectly out that man’s pots.  That thang ain’t have much outside of the standard bread and water cuz as Big Mama would say “she eating where she go ‘long (along)” on that show.  She took the bodyguard’s sammich in the car and told him to get his big arse on the treadmill.  And then when she busted up in Lucious’ office, she was eatin’ they candy all out the bowls and such.  I was like ‘damn..she ain’t have NO commissary while she was in them people’s prison’!

Cookie wanted to know why Lucious ain’t come to see her….and had to acknowledge that he done got him a Halle Berry lookalike woman that obviously ain’t no joke.  Don’t let all that pretty fool you, Cookie!  That gul is gon’ threaten to cut Cookie’s “thoat” (throat) without even disturbin’ her pearls fo’ it’s all said and done.  I am tryin’ to do right, but erry now and again, I backslide cuz I loves me a good ol’ catfight especially if somebody threatenin’ to put them paws on somebody else!  Yasss beetch yasssss!  Cookie gave me life errytime she said some sheeit or called foke queens and beetches.  My favorite one liner though was when she said she ain’t fuh all that weave-wearin’ “walkin’ round with yo’ scalp smellin’ like goat azz.”  Bay bay…I LIVED!!!!  I’m talmbout my whole life mo’ abundantly cuz I was tryna figga out how she knows what goat’s arse smell like.  She musta did some real sheeit in that pen to survive!  I also don’t condone violence, especially against kids.  But when your felon mama first gets out tha joint and you say “you want a medal, beetch?” to her, you sorta deserve everythang you get includin’ the sheeit beat outcha with a broom stick.

While Cookie was doin’ her prison bid (that mighta actually been’s Lucious’ but they ain’t told us yet), Lucious was busy building a hip-hop/music empire (thus the name of the show).  He has discovered that he has ALS and 3 years tops so he is trying to figga out which one of his three sons will take over the comp’ny.  Which was confusing to me as a CPA (yes, yes, I know some of y’all surprised that I write/talk like this and got a good corporate career …..).  He mentioned taking the comp’ny public but already got a full board of directors and doin’ all kinds of required SEC filings and such, which don’t go together.  He also mentions that he cain’t give Cookie half the company that her initial investment (drug money) built cuz he only owns 10% of the comp’ny…which in effect means that kneegro ain’t got NO company cuz it’s controlled by somebody else.  That thang must be just a figgahead like Lady Eloise in that Boomerang movie, but I digress.  Obvious mistakes/errors in the business model aside, Lucious cain’t stand the gay son, and even tried to put his lil arse in a trash can (WITH the top on) when he was just a lil boy wearin’ his mama’s headscarf and her hot pink mules (shoes) in the flashbacks.  Lawd..that was sooo uncomfortable to watch.

This is getting long so I need to wrap this up in a nice neat bow and just put it here fuh y’all.  Cookie was rockin’ a spotted cat coat when she got outta prison and said she had a comp’ny to take half of.  She had a nice high pony (I loves a side pony or high pony) on her head and them eyebrows was on, as the young foke say, “fleek”.  Now them brows had me confused on whether or not she was mad or sad or surprised in the scenes, but they were awesome nevertheless.  Cookie’s closet is full of furs, and chinchillas and animal prints…and I was waiting for the disclaimer to come cross my screen that said ’10 animals were harmed in the making of this episode”.  I give Cookie’s coats an honorable mention in the best supporting actor category.  The honor of best supporting actor goes to Lucious’ hair.  Bay bay..that hair got its own rider, contract AND SAG card cuz it was LAYED like Hustle and Flow!  It went in and outta styles like bellbottom jeans, starting as a full on pompadoe, transitionin’ to a slick back…turning into a soft and beautiful and then endin’ up as a tease and pop.  YASSS…that hair SLAYED Honey!  It had to have kilt all the stylists or at least put them in the hospital for observation for a few hours.

For those of you who care, Precious done found her a new series home..and new coinage.  Bad blonde wig and thigh-rubbin’ leggings notwithstanding.  Lucious done already shot his bodyguard on the first show for trying to blackmail him in a scene that was reminiscent of New Jack City when Nino Brown shot G Money twixt the eyes.  If the bodyguard had yelled out “Am I my brother’s keeper” ‘fo that bullet hit, I’da SCREAMED!

I guess it’s clear, I enjoyed this show.  Storylines galore with a tight soundtrack (gay son and the youngest are both artists..oldest son is a Penn State grad with an MBA and a white woman….Cookie is fresh out the pen and wants what’s hers..and Lucious ain’t got much time left.)  Yep, I’m settlin’ in for Empire Honey!  I’mma have my brown likka (cuz this ain’t a wine-type show) and Hot Cheetos ready for next week’s episode.

Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark

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