Christmas 2015 – Tis the Season…for Janky Arse Gifts, Re-Gifted Gifts and Dollar Sto’ Gifts….

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Y’all know how selfless I am.  I’m always thinking of ways to help y’all with various guides to various thangs.  So I was wonderin’ how I could give y’all some tips to get you through Christmas, and I had an “aha” moment (you know, like Oprah be sayin’ but with A LOT LESS money and clout).  I’m gon’ give y’all some gift givin’ tips for Christmas.

Christmas is a good time to clean out your closet.  You know that stuff you bought either thinking a) Imma lose weight and be able to wear it b) it was only fi’ dollars on sale when the original price was $25 or c) I really like this but then you got it home?  Yeah, not so much.  All you gotta do is pull some of that stuff out, slap some wrapping paper on it and hand it over the gift recipient.  Normally, I tell foke to leave tags on stuff ‘specially if you can use the original price tag versus the clearance/sale sticker and act like you spent a lot of money when you didn’t.  But since you pullin’ out stuff that may be 5-7 years old, you need to get rid of all evidence of such.  Cuz ain’t nothin’ worse than tryna return a gift and being told “Ma’am, this was bought in May.  Of 2009.”  Hopefully, it’s something good and something that the person can use.  If it ain’t…well not your problem.  This tip may not work for BFFs (they were probably with you when you bought it), your mama, your spouse, or your kids’ teacher (ain’t no sense in putting your kid at risk of being left behind over a janky arse gift).

I am definitely a fan of re-gifting.  That crockpot you got that’s still in the box because you already have three will make a good present for Aunt Mary.  Hayle, she like to cook anyway, and this way she can throw together some ingredients at 7 a.m. and have a full meal by 3.  So don’t be so quick to take stuff back or poke your mouth out cuz you got a dollar store gift from the gift exchange at your job…put it in the re-gifting pile and you got a head start on next year’s shopping.

Everybody has one….somebody on their list who has ERRYTHANG.  This person is really hard to buy for because when they want somethin’, they go buy it.  Messin’ up foke Christmas lists and whatnots.  That person is a prime candidate for the gift card.  Now, the problem comes because you don’t want to be seen as too cheap, so what is a good amount?  Glad you asked (you prolly didn’t but this is my blog, so I can pretty much make any and all assumptions I want).  At a minimum, $20-$25 is always a good amount.  Stick to Visa or Amex giftcards (be mindful of fees) and or get them to stores where the person can either buy something outright or they don’t have to add more than $20 or $25 of their own money.  In other words, don’t roll up in Neiman Marcus and buy a $25 gift card.  Unless the person can shop at Neiman Marcus Last Call or gon’ buy ONE Godiva candy bar.  And for that, you may as well give them a gift card to Godiva.

Since we talking about food, cooking some and givin’ it to a person as a gift is NEVER a good idea unless a) the person is a close relative AND b) they pretty much ask you outright to make them something.  I have always been leery of other people’s cooked food.  I don’t know if they good on handwashing or got dogs that be tasting they stuff for ‘em.  Hayle for all I know, they had a sneezin’ fit while they were rolling the dough or patting it out, and didn’t cover they noses and mouths and now the rum balls got all kinds of influenza droplets in ‘em.  Go buy some damn cookies and wrap them as a gift.  Keep them overly crisp struggle cookies to yourself.

Teachers LOVE gift cards.  Now they fond of the little artsy craftsy stuff you done made from Pinterest ideas too but if you go that route, still add a little gift card to their favorite restaurant (lunch is typically $10) or a store like Target or something (yeah Target, you owe me some money for this mention – don’t make me come back in here and edit it to be something else) where they can still buy what they want.  If errybody in the class gives the teacher a plastic apple..well now she got 20 plastic apples she got to add to the 20 plastic apples she got last year and the year before and find somewhere to store all that sheeit.  I’m sure they probably end up in the trash at some point.  You don’t teach for 20 years and keep all them knickknacks and whatnot.  So do yourself a favor and save yourself some time and give them people a gift card.  They educate your kids…and they underpaid so they deserve something extra to treat themselves.

Your daddy and your husband are really tired of getting socks, drawls and ties.  That is what they wanna tell YOU but they don’t want to hurt your feelings.  Think outside the box and get them something for a hobby or something else they like to do.  Sports tickets?  Yes.  One of them Swiss Army knives with all them wrenches, bottle openers and pliers attached?  No.  Unless your daddy is a handy man like Overton Wakefield Jones from Living Sangle, don’t do it.  Expensive cologne is good…blazers…suits…restaurant giftcards….wine or Grey Goose (if they drink)….all good.

Your siblings?  I say don’t exchange gifts with them.  Errybody old and grown now and able to buy they own gifts and whatnots.  If there aren’t many kids in the family, you can pull names and then refer to the points above.  The only time it is acceptable to buy a sibling a gift outright is if you buy for a whole tribe of nieces and nephews, and the sibling in question ain’t contribute a kid to that tribe.  If he or she is childless and you buying stuff for nieces and nephews, then yes, you can send them a little gift card or somethin’.

Your BFF will probably like whatever you give her because y’all probably know each other really well or y’all wouldn’t be BFFs.  She probably tired of getting shoes and clothes though, so try to be creative and think outside the box or surprise the BFF with a gift card so she can buy her own sheeit for a change.

And lastly, we gon’ talk about Mama.  Whew Chile. I done got teary eyed!  Y’all know I love Mamas even though I ain’t had no good luck in that department.  Mama deserves whatever you can afford to give cuz Mama done REALLY allowed you to get your whole life from birth!  Mama will be really happy with some extra coinage in her purse.  Mama is okay with gift cards but Mama is ol’ school.  Mama really likes cash.  You can’t go wrong givin’ your mama a few hundred dollars for Christmas so she can shop at multiple stores, buy her some extra groceries or just put it under her mattress and watch it draw interest.  Seriously though, if your relationship is tight like it is supposed to be, Mama deserves the world for raising you to be the successful person you are.  You should want to honor that for Christmas and all year round!!!!!

Well, I think I covered most foke you gotta buy for.  You can always do a little gift card for your neighbor, the mailman, your stylist, or the trash pickup guys.  You know nowadays, errybody wants a tip or something extra for doin’ they damn job.  Just don’t go broke tryna buy for errybody.  You still got kids to buy for (I ain’t include them cuz they got all kinds of guides to help you in that department) and pay your bills come January.  You don’t want to start 2015 in the hole so to speak.

Alright, I’m outta here. I gotta go check my closet.  I still gotta give my BFF a gift and I think I got somethin’ with the tag on it that I bought circa 2012 with her name on it……

ChristmasGifts

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