How Shonda Rhimes Gon’ Basically Get Yo’ Life on Thursdays (Scandal, HTGAWM, and Grey’s)

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So tonight the premieres aired for this season’s Scandal and How To Get Away With Murder.  Shonda Rhimes is going to OWN your Thursday nights and you ain’t gon’ have no life to get on the day between Wednesday and Friday.  All week long, I had been sad.  In mourning really, because I knew we were getting closer and closer to what was gon’ happen to Harrison (Columbus Short).  Last we seent him, he had a gun to his fo’head.  We knew it was not goin’ to end well when he allegedly beat up his wife.  He coulda possibly been suspended with the hopes of at least guest starring in some future episodes, but once he brought that drama and Ray Rice acted a damn fool in them people’s elevator on the same issue, it was over for him in Shondaland.

Tonight, we learned ol’ Harrison’s body had been found in the desert after he had been missin’ for some time.  Luckily, we were spared the actual killing and any related duct tape and plastic.  Liv had done changed her name to Julia Baker..um yeah, I got nothin’ on that one…and was layin’ in the sun (vs standin’) with Jake.  What else she and Jake were doin’ early on in the episode made me uncomfortable.

Fast forward a little bit and thangs done went from sugah to sheeit in DC, the White House, Olivia Pope and Associates and the Smithsonian where Daddy Pope pretends to work.  Abby done left OPA and is the new White House Press Sec-uh-tary (I always wanted to type that out like that!).  Huck is working as a computer tech and done changed his name to Randy, knowin’ good and damn well his crazy arse don’t look like a Randy.  Quinn is out on the streets tryna put the crew back together but still missin’ her back molars along with her old boyfriend apparently cuz we ain’t see him.  David Rosen is just happy to be alive and happy Jake is no longer after him.  Cyrus is back with a new weave I will call the ‘tease and pop’ cuz he tried to make paper thin hair full.  Mellie is depressed because her son died and obviously ain’t payin’ attention to personal hygiene (a housecoat AND uggs?  At the same damn time?).  Fitz is obviously missin’ Liv but has thrown himself into actually being the President vs flyin’ Liv to houses in Vermont and dry grindin’ with her to Stevie Wonder songs.  Daddy Pope is bout the only one doin’ the same damn thang he did last season – eating well at them people’s steakhouse and lying.

Tonight’s show was all about showing where everyone is in their lives (‘ceptin’ po Harrison who done bought the farm along with all its amenities) and a Scandal with a senator that nobody cares about because when he showed up on the screen errybody wanted to know who in the hayle is that and concluded that he was pretty much a random.  Y’all know I don’t do randoms.

The last part of the show was dedicated to Harrison’s fun’ral.  And let me say this.  James had a much better homegoing.  The only people at Harrison’s funeral were Liv and the other gladiators.  I’m talmbout no undertaker, no preacher, no mommy, no daddy.  Columbus Short actually had the nerve to host a watch party at an Atlanta area club (where I am right now!) which made no damn sense.  Sheeit, nobody even came to your damn funeral on tv…why would people come to your premiere party to watch you be buried?  We find out that Harrison grew up in a group home and ain’t have nobody but Liv nem.  That is so sad.  They shol’ put him away nice though.  Jake used some of his B613 retirement money to buy Harrison a real nice casket.  Truth be told, he prolly shoulda cremated him and saved that money.  Plus they would have a nice keepsake vase to put on they mantle.  I felt a little sad with the music they played and was glad it was closed casket.  I mighta hollered otherwise and dove straight into the tv.  I guess when you beat your wife, allegedly, you lose  your fooball job AND nobody attends your tv fun’ral.

Next up was How To Get Away With Murder.  Lawd that set was so dark, I could only see eyes and teeth on Viola Davis’ character.  There was also a lot of illicit sex, mayhem and debauchery.  I guess Viola Davis had somethin’ to prove since she is no longer the “help”.  That thang know she walks hard though.  She too little for that.  Though I had a hard time following the plot in the dark, I liked what I could make out.  I’m goin’ to add this one to the rotation.

And that my friends is how Shonda owned yo’ Thursday night this week and how she will continue to get yo’ life for the next several Thursdays.  I’m pouring out something for Harrison….I’m gon’ miss his ol’ suspender wearin’ arse.  I’m sure you noticed there was one additional attendee at the fun’ral.  Daddy Pope.  He said he ain’t kill Harrison, but we know he likes to lie.  He also said he took care of Mama Pope.  I swear he treat her like he never hit that befo’.  Just be lockin’ her in prisons, mental hospitals and the hole.  He must really hate her arse.,…

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