So I am ALL in on this show called Married at First Sight. It’s a social experiment where “scientists” have matched up couples (based on personality, values, morals, etc.) and they meet for the first time at the altar. You know they got the obligatory Black couple on the show (there are three couples). I thought 2 out of 3 of the guys were nice looking. Let’s just say the other guy had a really good personality, but could have used a dermatologist. Sad part is his bride looked like she thought the same damn thang. It was written all over her face, but you could tell he had never even been in a room with a woman that pretty because his dense arse totally missed it. He was trying to really kiss her after the “I do’s”, was pushin’ all up on her on the pictures and just being overly familiar with his new wife. But hey…she was/is his wife, so I guess that’s how grooms “do”.
The other couple is too cute for words…they make a very sweet couple and seem to both be happy with each other. Their nuptials weren’t too awkward..you know for a couple of strangers.
Now the Black couple made a formidable attractive team…I thought the guy was all kindsa hot. If I weren’t married, here is where I’d be mouthin’ “call me *doin’ the phone thingy to my ear*” if he is reading this. Ol’ girl wasn’t bad either, just kinda thick in the thighs. But I’m thick in the thighs too so that’s not a bad thing but the guy looks like he works out. You know like he might give her all kindsa side eyes if she eats 3 pieces of chicken instead of two. Like he might say somethin’ if she tried to eat a cookie or 7.
You think marrying a stranger is weird? Try the wedding night. Of course, the producers teased us that somebody was gon’ consummate the marriage. I was over here saying ‘please Lawd don’t let it be the Black couple’. Yes, you guessed it. It was the black couple. They both acknowledged it was awkward but that ain’t stop them from dry grindin’ in they good weddin’ clothes and getting to know each other nekkid (oh yeah, this is grown fokes blog – we gon’ discuss ERRYTHANG). So anyway, they have now moved in together and have a couple of more weeks til they decide if they gon’ stay married or divorce. I’m gon’ say the Black couple ain’t gon’ make it, cuz he done told her that she is annoying. She IS kinda bubbly. I guess she must be less annoyin’ nekkid.
I think I was s’posed to talk about Lil Kim but I done got tired. I just saw her on WE – David Tutera was doin’ her baby shower for his show. I used to love Lil Kim Circa 1997. Now I’m wonderin’ what the hayle happened to her face and why did her friends let that sheeit happen? I mean really. She looks like she is auditionin’ to be the understudy of Latoya Jackson. Face lightskinded but her body brown. Just a walkin’ contradiction. She got a baby by Mr. Papers, which probably means he ain’t got no paper. But he gave her a wonderful surprise at the end of the shower. You prolly thankin’ marriage proposal, a rang, his name on the baby’s birth certificate. Nah, he gave her a party bus. And then they kissed and groped (I threw up in my mouth a little bit..okay a lot) and she declared herself a soccer mom. As the mother of a soccer player, I was offended. Her baby ain’t scored nary goal or wore nary shin guard. But anyway, I’mma let her overly botoxed diminutive arse make it since I done got tired. Lil Kim if you reading this, no more surgeries, okay? Ain’t nothin’ cute bout lookin’ plastic when you are a real person. And get you some MAC NW45. That light makeup works for Lil Richard cuz he 90…on you..well it just looks stupid.
Oh and guess what my 4 year old daughter asked me today? “Mommy how did I get in your stomach?”. Yeah, I am definitely too old for this parentin’ sheeit. This is reason number 237 why old people don’t need to have kids…..
Follow me on Twitter @staylorclark