Scandal opened with Sally spillin’ ALL the tea bout Fitz and Liv.  Fitz was ready to have a press conference and finally publicly claim Liv.  One thane bout Liv tho’…she ALWAYS has to be in control.  She got that from her daddy AND her mama, so you know she was already down the secret White House tunnel by the time Fitz came back to get her.  I’m still tryna figure out how she had enough cellphone reception in there to hold a whole conversation with Fitz when my phone be droppin’ calls at home. But this ain’t bout me and how my Verizon coverage is set up.

Since all Liv’s bidness was put in the them streets…she was basically on the run like Beyonce and Jay Z on that concert tour they had this summer.  Or like Nino Brown right fo’ he kilt G Money.  It worked out that she got hired to “fix” a situation (a dude killed his father cuz his father called him a a weasel – da hayle?) that took her outta D.C. for a minute.

Mellie came to the White House and told Fitz all he had to do was apologize for them divorce papers he served her with and she would come back home.  Fitz was anythane BUT apologetic, cuz he thought Mellie leaked the photos, and Bay Bay…Mellie read him for FILTH.  I’m talmbout her whole frontal lobe ain’t even move while she was gettin’ in Fitz arse like Eddie Long.  Ain’t nothin’ like a woman scorned.

David was brought in to investigate the leak, and Abby was hung out to dry in front of the media.  She sought the assistance of Cyrus who told her what to do in classic “Cy-Speak”.  Imma need Cyrus to go get his job back because without him the White House done went from sugar to sheeit!

Jake from State Farm came back to help Liv with her fixology, and in a particularly tender moment at a Motel 6, they cuddled with each other in them people’s hotel bed.  I felt sorry for ol’ Jake because Liv did that classic move of pushing her booty up against him, even though she knew she wasn’t gon’ give him none.  Po’ Jake. He’s a good dude…you know, if you put aside him killin’ James, those two agents, and a whole bunch of other people.  Liv should just gon’ and be with him because Fitz got too much damn baggage.

Liv and Fitz still hadn’t publicly addressed Sally’s tea-spillin’ bout them dry grindin’ in the White House and carrying on, but Susan Ross (the new VP) lit into the President and read him like an overdue lie-berry book bout his affair.  Yes, I realize errytime I write lie-berry, somewhere an educator cries.

Abby figga’d out that Lizzy Bear was the one who leaked the photos to Sally even though she tried to frame Mellie for it.  Mellie was cleared and Fitz called her, apologized and told her to brang her arse home.  Abby didn’t tell the President bout Lizzy Bear’s treason but did demand that they become equals.  I was disappointed with that because I wanted her to make Lizzy her beetch.  I damn sho’ woulda.

Fitz left a voicemail message for Liv and told her he was about to do a press conference with Mellie and he was going to deny the rumors about their affair.  Jake brought Liv back to her place and didn’t get so much as a good day handshake.  Liv got out and headed to her apartment where the media was waiting with mics and cameras and phones.  One reporter asked if it was true..if Liv was the president’s mistress.  There was a long pause (I think Liv was actually thinkin’ ‘no this thane ain’t gon’ beat it up in closets and hideaway houses in Vermont and MY apartment for FOUR seasons and then NOT claim me!).  And then Liv said “yes” and with that one word, the Innanets went WILD!  I wished a pox on the house of Shonda Rhimes and all the writers cuz I felt like they played with my emotions like I was Big Worm.

I don’t know what’s gon’ happen next week but I hope they let Daddy Pope outta them people’s prison on furlough or something cuz Liv damm sho’ need her daddy!

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